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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about girls in boys clothing?

128 replies

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 12:50

Do you think there is a time when it starts to look as though people dressing their girls in very obviously 'boys' clothing are trying to make some sort of statement?

I'm asking this from the point of view that I do dress my 20mo in boys clothing. My personal taste isn't for soft pinks, dresses etc so she lives in leggings, jeans, and bright colours - looking at the other toddler girls I see, DD is dressed by far the least 'girly'/'feminine' of them all. What got me thinking today was I just ordered some winter stuff, most of it from the boys range, and most of it really quite stereotypically boyish - a blue ski jacket, Batman wellies, a dark beanie hat, that sort of thing. I can picture that at a first glance, especially if you can't see her long hair, she would look like a boy in her outdoor kit.

Now I don't particularly care what other people think - you dress your kid how you want to until they start expressing their own opinion, as far as I'm concerned. I buy what I like. I buy things like Batman wellies because they are cool, and DP will love them. But do you think, as children get older, whether other people do start to make judgements - things like "oh, they must have wanted a son" - and whether you are not doing your child any favours my putting them in clothes which to others scream a particular gender? I'll admit I have never seen a young boy in leggings yet, so no matter what top or colours a baby is wearing, I would see leggings and assume the child was a girl. Other people would probably see a blue coat and Batman wellies and assume the child was a boy.

Obviously there's a huge debate that goes alongside this about gender stereotypes for children, but that thought in itself makes me wonder if you can go too far trying to be gender neutral. But I'm looking at what I'm wearing at work today and, yes, it is gender-specific. Pretty much all my adult clothes are, regardless of their colour. So is this the same for children?

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 11/09/2013 15:14

Murderofgoths - you will be. Even more so it seems if you dare mention you don't like pink.

LucilleBluth · 11/09/2013 15:16

It's easy to avoid pink, but I think you have to pay for it iykwim. I just purchased the most lovely navy blue Paddington Bear style duffle coat from John Lewis for my nearly 3yo DD, but it was more than I would usually pay, I think a similar kind of coat in Next or Sainsbury's would have been in a shade of pink.

Boden, Gap, H & M all have funky stuff in this year.

My DD has two older brothers.....she loves Batman and Spider-Man, she has been exposed to boys stuff since birth and sees no difference between a princess and Superman.

ErrolTheDragon · 11/09/2013 15:17

I sometimes wonder why we feel we need to know what gender babies/small children are, it means nothing at that age.

Oh yes.

OP - you buy women's clothes because (I presume) you have a woman's shape. Small kids are the same shape. They don't need different clothes. (can have 'em if you and they want of course). When they approach puberty you have to get more gendered clothes - though some items like tshirts still just choose what you want (My 14yo DDs favourite T is a Boden 'boys' one with a cool dog on it)

The only 'statements' I was making when buying 'boys' clothes for my DD was (a)She didn't like pink and (b)they were more practical than many of the 'girl' clothes, thicker cotton tshirts, colours which don't show every flipping mud/grass stain etc.

MurderOfGoths · 11/09/2013 15:18

Oh I know dontmind :( Half of me wants to pre-empt it by constantly ranting about how much I hate it, but suspect people will do it just to make a point then.

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 15:19

Most girls leggings seem to come with these buttons on the cuffs as a decorative feature, which always struck me as an interesting choice - we had to cut these off as DD spent 4 months with her feet in her mouth, trying to pick the buttons off.

Wilson, you're right, adult bodyshapes are so different. I still find it interesting that I like to wear dresses myself but I have put DD in a dress once in her life, and that was to go to a wedding. I found the wedding experience slightly unsettling as I felt under an odd, unspoken pressure to put her in a dress. I think I had a thread on here asking if leggings and a tunic were acceptable, and everyone agreed they were. But when I spoke to other mums who were going to the wedding, even those whose daughters similarly live in jeans and leggings said they were going to have their DD's wear dresses to a wedding. I suppose that is pushing adult conventions (majority of women wear a dress for formal occasions) onto young children.

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 11/09/2013 15:20

Only item that is seen as not for boys that is actually more practical is tights. Otherwise boys stuff is designed to be played in, whereas girls stuff seems to be there solely so they can sit around and be ornamental.

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 15:23

Murder, I made my thoughts on frills and pastel pink very clearly known when I was pg and knew it was a girl. I don't think I went psycho talking about it, but just kept repeating "I don't like pink, I don't like pink, I don't like pink" for 4 months and everyone seemed to get it. People joked about buying very girly items but I think they realised that if they did it would just be a waste of money, so in the end they didn't.

The coats have been so frustrating, lucillebluth (LOVE your name by the way, do you follow the winking eye alcohol suggestion on medication bottles?). H&M are the only shop that has the same style jacket in half a dozen colours and it appears in both the girls and the boys section. The coat I've just bought looks as though it will be a bright, electric blue but it was still in the boys section - all the girls coats in that particular shop had fluff, ears or flowers on them...

OP posts:
MrsDibble · 11/09/2013 15:28

Think they should be able to wear what makes them feel comfortable, outside school, as long as it suits the weather conditions etc.

exexpat · 11/09/2013 15:31

If you are looking for more unisex things, you might like Uniqlo - they've just started doind children's clothes in the UK, and most of their children's clothes are just labelled 'kids', eg this down jacket in a range of colours or 'babies', though they do now have a few things labelled 'girls', which are the more obvious things like skirts and tunics. I used to buy most of the DCs' clothes from Uniqlo when we lived in Japan (very good quality for the price, too).

MurderOfGoths · 11/09/2013 15:36

I went to the MN Mothercare event in Edmonton and they were showing a new range of unisex clothing that was gorgeous, no idea if that's rolled out in all stores?

MurderOfGoths · 11/09/2013 15:39

Hmm. Just looked at their site, seems not. Shame there Mothercare.

mrsjay · 11/09/2013 15:45

I dressed my dds in jeans etc when they were small thomas the tank hats from the boys department girls like thomas too but to me it is just clothes and a personal preference I wasn't trying to make any sort of statement and they end up choosing their own style anyway dd1 liked her jeans and stuff dd2 liked pink and skirts etc, I also dressed them in dresses now and again because I liked them but I am not a frilly person anyway so their dresses were usually quite plain ,

SugarHut · 11/09/2013 15:52

Because your daughter doesn't look like you've drop kicked her through a room full of candyfloss and glitter will people think you're trying to trend her into a tomboy, or have some sort of gender issue? No. And if they do, fuck em.

White shirts, beige chinos, tailored jackets, all perfectly acceptable for a man to wear, and the staple wardrobe of Kate Moss.

My DS chooses everything he wears and dresses like he is part of Made In Chelsea. He's 5. I like that he has a sense of his own identity (however unique it may be) and wants to wear "naice" shirts and trousers all the time. I often get asked why he looks so smart, as if he shouldn't. Balls to it, he looks fantastic. Batman boots? They sound fab. If that's what she's happy in, and you're happy with, then go for it.

YouTheCat · 11/09/2013 15:53

I used to put ds in tights under his trousers when it was snowing and we had a long journey. Never told the ex mil as she would have gone spare. Grin

Girls' clothes get worse as they get older, especially if you have a dd like mine who detested pink. So I used to buy her boys clothes.

YouTheCat · 11/09/2013 15:54

And I want some Batman wellies. Grin

LucilleBluth · 11/09/2013 15:55

I plan to fully turn into Lucille in my old age, complete with martinis for breakfast and facelifts ;)

Talking of Mothercare I bought DD some dungarees from the Jools Oliver range on Saturday, they were in the boys section, the dungarees in the girls section had embroidered flowers on them, jools's are a lovely soft plain denim and totally gender neutral.

strawberrypenguin · 11/09/2013 16:02

Dress her in what you like, she'll soon be telling you if she hates it. For what it's with my DS has been out wearing mostly blue with dinosaurs and still been mistaken for a girl before!

Although if he goes out with a pink dummy it really throws people so who knows! You can see the confusion so clearly sometimes it's funny (and he chose the pink dummy himself, he's nearly two so getting a bit old for them really but like them when tired)

Mumsyblouse · 11/09/2013 16:04

My mum consciously chose gender neutral clothing in the 70's, all those lovely brown cord dungarees, beige t-shirt and pudding bowl haircut. Of course, from a young age, I was obsessed with having a Barbie, and then with make-up and very girly clothes. I still wear them today, though have toned down my Barbie impersonation over the years. You always run the risk of making something seem forbidden and exciting, however I don't think you need to follow the pink crowd either, just pick lovely colourful stuff, with the odd sparkly crown thrown in if that's what your daughter wants, and don't make a big deal of it (which I don't think you are).

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 16:08

YouTheCat - here go If I could get them in my size, I would wear them to work Grin

Matalan's boys jeans are so much better than the girls. They are wide legged and softer, rather than the tight skinny jeans they do for girls nowadays.

DD wears a blue and green all-in-one when swimming, I did hear a slightly older child ask their mum "why does that boy have a pony tail?" I didn't hear her response. Oh, that was a missed MN educational moment, though no doubt the mum explained that a) girls can wear blue and b) boys can have pony tails.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 11/09/2013 16:17

I really don't think that you need to worry about when she is older- she will have very set ideas of her own.
Make the most of her being a voiceless baby- the period of dressing them the way that you like is very short.
I can still remember my tears when my mother tried to get me to wear my brother's shorts one summer when I was about 5yrs. I won and didn't wear them.

exoticfruits · 11/09/2013 16:17

I really don't think that you need to worry about when she is older- she will have very set ideas of her own.
Make the most of her being a voiceless baby- the period of dressing them the way that you like is very short.
I can still remember my tears when my mother tried to get me to wear my brother's shorts one summer when I was about 5yrs. I won and didn't wear them.

Lovecat · 11/09/2013 16:18

What really hacks me off is that boys and girls clothes ARE cut differently, even though their bodies are pretty much identical at that age.

Tops for boys are cut straight and loose, whereas tops for girls are cut much more closely to the body. Jeans are tighter on the waist and cut lower for girls (which really annoys me!). I needed to buy DD a long-sleeved black t-shirt for a school assembly and got one from M&S, from the boys' section as that was the only place I could find one. At the same time I bought her a stripey long-sleeved t-shirt in the girls' section, both for the same age group. The black one still fits her a year later, the stripey one is tight on the arms, rides up and shows her tummy.

Don't get me started on the disparity in summer sandals - the boys' ones are all supportive and practical, once you're out of size 10 it seems that the girls' ones are strappy flip flop types unless you spend a fortune. I bought her a boy's pair and she refused to wear them because they had BOY written on the sole in huge letters Angry

Infuriating. Also she likes Spongebob, Phineas & Ferb, Adventure Time and Moshi Monsters. It is very hard to get 'girl's' clothes with these characters on (Moshi Monsters less so but it's always Poppet and Luvli, never Katsuma/Furi/Diavlo/Zommer ) and she is fed up of other children telling her she's wearing boy's clothing...

Since she's turned 8 I have to really search for clothes that don't make her look like a mini teen off to the disco, that come in nice comfortable fabrics that won't pull/scratch (all that hideous nylon lace and sheer stuff or fake leather covered in studs) that don't cost a fortune. I find myself looking at the boys' section covetiously...

ErrolTheDragon · 11/09/2013 16:22

thurlow - yes... I know a boy who has long blonde hair (I've lent him a bobble a time or two!) and when I first knew him had a pretty androgynous face, and everyone was wearing wetsuits, and he had an unusual name from which it was hard to deduce his gender. His mother had a knack of wording what she said to him in the presence of new acquaintances such that she made it clear he was a boy - I think he'd been misidentified a few times!

He's still got the hair, amazing dreads!

Accentuatethepositive · 11/09/2013 16:25

I'm also not a fan of pink and sparkly! Though DD has worn lots of it anway as I've received lots of gifts and hand me downs and I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth.

When I'm buying though I go for colours i would wear and pink and lilac are not me. Plus, while I don't have a problem with girls' clothing per se, would rather have genuinely unisex stuff if possible for reasons of thrift- if I have a DS next time around I'd like to be able to reuse stuff if possible. Anyway I just bought DD a lovely jumper from john Lewis made by these people tootsamacginty.com/ - think it's a great idea! Bit £££ but the quality does seem good.

MrsOakenshield · 11/09/2013 16:26

I think some people do do it to make a statement. But actually, I think there is a far wider range of styles and colours available to girls than boys, so I don't really know why anyone would bother. DD is 3, nearly 4, and she wears girls' clothes, but she certainly isn't awash with pink and frills. Most boys' clothes that I can see are varying shades of sludge and I don't know why anyone would want to dress a child of either sex in those colours! But she also likes dresses and more 'girly' things which is fine, she is definitely becoming far more opinionated on what she wants to wear.

I just want her in cheerful clothes and I find the girls' selections in Sainsbos, Mothercare and H&M are absolutely fine. It's not hard to avoid pink and frills - but at the end of the day pink's just a colour. Isn't it?

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