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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

about girls in boys clothing?

128 replies

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 12:50

Do you think there is a time when it starts to look as though people dressing their girls in very obviously 'boys' clothing are trying to make some sort of statement?

I'm asking this from the point of view that I do dress my 20mo in boys clothing. My personal taste isn't for soft pinks, dresses etc so she lives in leggings, jeans, and bright colours - looking at the other toddler girls I see, DD is dressed by far the least 'girly'/'feminine' of them all. What got me thinking today was I just ordered some winter stuff, most of it from the boys range, and most of it really quite stereotypically boyish - a blue ski jacket, Batman wellies, a dark beanie hat, that sort of thing. I can picture that at a first glance, especially if you can't see her long hair, she would look like a boy in her outdoor kit.

Now I don't particularly care what other people think - you dress your kid how you want to until they start expressing their own opinion, as far as I'm concerned. I buy what I like. I buy things like Batman wellies because they are cool, and DP will love them. But do you think, as children get older, whether other people do start to make judgements - things like "oh, they must have wanted a son" - and whether you are not doing your child any favours my putting them in clothes which to others scream a particular gender? I'll admit I have never seen a young boy in leggings yet, so no matter what top or colours a baby is wearing, I would see leggings and assume the child was a girl. Other people would probably see a blue coat and Batman wellies and assume the child was a boy.

Obviously there's a huge debate that goes alongside this about gender stereotypes for children, but that thought in itself makes me wonder if you can go too far trying to be gender neutral. But I'm looking at what I'm wearing at work today and, yes, it is gender-specific. Pretty much all my adult clothes are, regardless of their colour. So is this the same for children?

OP posts:
Thurlow · 11/09/2013 16:30

Yes, pink is just a colour and I equally get wound up by threads on here that suggest even buying a girl a pram and a doll is forcing them into gender stereotypes. It's not a colour I like, though, and there's not one bit of pink in my wardrobe, so I guess that's where it comes from with DD.

Thinking about this, I have worked out that possibly part of my concern is that DD has a completely gender neutral name (well, the shortened day-to-day version of it at least) - a girl, dressed in boys clothes, with a name that's 50% of people see as a boys name...? Blush

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 11/09/2013 16:33

Thurlow, they don't do my size. Sad

Damn my huge size 3s and shapely calves. Grin

JerseySpud · 11/09/2013 16:33

I just think as she gets older good luck.

MerryMarigold · 11/09/2013 16:34

I don't think you're overthinking. I do look at girls very obviously dressed in 'boys' clothes (rather than gender neutral stuff) and wonder what kind of statement the parent is trying to make. Not that I really care, but it kind of worries me that they want to use their kid to make a statement. If the child is surrounded by big brothers it makes sense though Wink.

I think there's tons of clothes out there that aren't pink, flowery whether for girls or boys - I love my kids in oranges, reds, bright greens, ds2 (4) has some brilliant yellow trackie bottoms. For example, with the wellies I think, why not some green frogs or bumble bees? (Batman? She's 20mo.) We had some great giraffe ones that went through 2 ds's and a dd!

SaucyJack · 11/09/2013 16:35

I think dressing your kid in whatever you or they like, and is comfortable is fine.

Tho I do find the militantly anti pink brigade just as tediously try hard as the fwilly pwincesses personally.

(yes X....... if you're reading this....... I do mean you)

MrsOakenshield · 11/09/2013 16:37

well, I simply draw your attention to a parent who commented on another forum - she absolutely banned pink and princesses and whatnot - and at the age of 4 her DD became an absolutely pink-n-frills fiend. So that back-fired impressively! DD has worn all the colours of the rainbow, leggings, cords, dresses etc - at nearly 4 she has also started to become obsessed by pink and boak Hello Kitty, I assume because of another child at nursery. I capitulated and got her a HK rucksack in navy blue, thus keeping the both of us happy!

YouTheCat · 11/09/2013 16:38

My dd's first dress was black. Grin

MrsDeVere · 11/09/2013 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 16:45

Merry and Saucy - yes, that was exactly the viewpoint I was wondering about and yes, the militantly anti-pink brigade can be just as annoying. Though I am aware that I am unconsciously slipping into that role by my choices, ah the irony... Though the Batman wellies are purely for geek DP, she already has Batman PJs Grin

I'm not doing it because I don't want DD to love Disney princesses or want to do ballet, I'm doing it at the moment because that's my personal taste in clothes, so I really don't mind what she wants to wear or do as she gets older. She has plenty of dolls, pushchairs and handbags (why do all kids love handbags so much?!) and toys that I guess would be seen by someone who was militantly anti-gender stereotyping as very feminine.

But is there a point where other children might notice, other parents might notice it, and start to make assumptions and point things out?

OP posts:
Thurlow · 11/09/2013 16:46

No apology needed, MrsDV. You hear about boys in more feminine clothing less and that's not right. I'm sorry you're so worried that he might be bullied.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 11/09/2013 16:51

My 10 year old spends her life in boys' clothes. She has very short hair too. Got asked by a new teacher at her (non-uniform) school what she was doing in the girls' loos today.

MerryMarigold · 11/09/2013 16:51

Mrs DV. My ds's fav colour was pink until he was half way through Reception. Peer pressure gets to them all in the end Sad. I didn't make a big think of it either way.

PrimalLass · 11/09/2013 16:52

I think you can dress girls in non-frilly pink without buying boys clothes. My DD wears things like cords and the Boden pointelle tshirts.

exoticfruits · 11/09/2013 16:55

It is best to be middle of the road. Anyone at extreme ends has a high risk of the DC doing the opposite.

KirjavaTheCat · 11/09/2013 16:55

I've seen the quality of the fabric that goes into making girls' clothes compared to boy's clothes. They always seem to be thinner, softer, more flimsy. Boy's clothes are all canvas and tough denim and reinforced hems.

Why is that? Girls play as much as boys, no?

MrsDeVere · 11/09/2013 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsDeVere · 11/09/2013 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 16:57

the rest of the world are going to keep telling him he is wrong to like what he likes

That's the crux of this whole conversation, isn't it? As individuals we can say we don't mind what our children do, but other people will make assumptions.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 11/09/2013 16:57

H&M do good coats for girls and boys in a range of colours.

Thurlow · 11/09/2013 16:59

Posted too soon - I was also following on from primals point of I think you can dress girls in non-frilly pink without buying boys clothes. You certainly can, but there shouldn't be a no-no to buying girls boys clothes, or boys girls clothes.

OP posts:
5madthings · 11/09/2013 17:03

Today ,my daughter is wearing a red and white stripe fleecey jumper, like where's Wally, green jeans and a long sleeved top with dinosaurs on it. So pretty unisex, she does also have dresses and leggings etc, I dressed my boys in leggimgs when they were little, I and some lovely stripey ones from h&m for them.

My ds3(8) loves pink and purple and fairies and all things sparkly, he has fairy outfits and purple t-shirts from h&m girls section etc. It hasn't been too much of an issue, he has shrugged off comments and said 'well I like it' he has a purple tutu he wears with jeans and had a pink silk party dress he used to wear but it's now too small.

I was slated on mnet for this as I was allowing him to be a target for bullies etc and I shouldnt let him have 'girly' stuff. Thankfully it hasn't been too much of an issue, as he has got older he has become aware he is not meant to look this stuff and moderated it a bit :( but on the whole is not an issue. He is a popular boy, very friendly, well liked with both girls and boys, the school will also not tolerate bullying and are hot on the idea that all children can be who they want/like what they want and they do lots off dress up etc so its not unusual in school performances for a boy to be a girl or for boys to dress up inclduign the male teachers, this obviously helps.

I have to say my DD has far more 'girly' clothes than I thought she would have, for me its that novleu factor after four boys but I dotn like pink so not much pink and everything she wears is practical, not much with flowers/butterflies or appliques just lovely bright colors.

I do wonder about what people think, the assumption with ds3 was that I was encouraging him to be girly as I had four boys, I also and dd as well! Plus the assumption we 'kept going to get a girl..' That gives m rage!

As it is at 2.8 dd has strong views on what she will wear, she loves dinosaurs so clothes must have dinosaurs on them, we had to buy boys pants when she potty trained as she wanted dinosaurs. She may yet go to the other extreme tho!

MDK · 11/09/2013 17:03

Three kids Girl/boy/girl and know your pain..

My partner isn't into frilly bows and shit so most of princess/pink/bows/frills clothing is presents from my parents or friends who didn't realise we didn't want to do that with our eldest and it's been a bit of a fight ever since.

My MIL - That evil bitch who eats my dreams and shits out evil schemes did actually get some nice trousers out of local crafting shops which are still going strong even with DC2 bumping/spilling/jumping all over the place so hopefully they'll make it to DC3.

H&M oddly is probably where I've gotten most of our stuff online for the kids but you still need to wade through all the gender specific stuff. The crowdfunding sites are starting to have kids stuff on them more though so I have started checking them

www.indiacoco.com/

www.littlegreenradicals.co.uk/

www.welovefrugi.com/

Some projects - I backed to first one. Not sure how mumsnet feel about links to crowdfunding sites??

www.kickstarter.com/projects/1974290863/merino-clothes-for-little-monsters-little-flock-of

www.indiegogo.com/projects/mimi-and-will-t-shirts-for-kids--2/x/4605679

www.kickstarter.com/projects/yulianyc/loup-kids-big-style-for-little-people

The annoying thing I've found is most sites still list Boys and Girls, I want stuff I can have my eldest wear and if it's still got an bum and knees in it pass it onto her siblings as they get to that size. Why the hell can't there be a section called "Kids 2-9" ! So even though they do "gender neutral" stuff you still have to filter through all the bows, soldier outfits and racing cars on blue t-shirts, I'm not saying those are inappropriate but I quite like green/brown and grey, as that's usually the colour of the play-doh they stick on themselves :D

NotYouNaanBread · 11/09/2013 17:29

DD wears skinny jeans/all saints boots and a great wee boys jacket from Zara Kids some days, and others she wears a lovely coral pink cord pinafore dress. She has long blonde hair so always looks like a girl, but I don't worry about the gender of the clothes so long as they do the trick & for waterproof jackets & hats, boy clothes are def better. And I love navy.

BakeOLiteGirl · 11/09/2013 17:32

I have a son who wore girls leggings until he was around three years old. We used to go out in the morning when it was chilly with leggings and shorts over the top. Then same coming back in the evening. The were just comfortable and practical for him. My three year old DD now wears all his old clothes. She's comfy playing and it saves money for more fun things.

Saffyz · 11/09/2013 19:03

I dislike the idea that clothes make a "statement". Doesn't anyone just get dressed and get on with their day without thinking what their clothes might be "saying" any more?