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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My mother put my DD in care of a total stranger

153 replies

Noodle1963 · 10/09/2013 13:34

Ok I am new to this, but feel I have to get this off my chest. 1st August first day of annual child care 2 DD's with parents whilst I am at work (in the same town). DD2 and mother came to place of work and I asked where DD1 was, mother replied she has gone off with Lucy and her parents. Who I asked are Lucy's Parents? They are the the daughter and sil of my neighbour. Where has DD2 gone? and do you have a phone number? I don't know and no I have no phone number. As this point my mother stormed out of my workplace saying I can never do anything right. I had to inform my boss that I needed to find out where and who my DD was with, so locked the shop (in a state of panic) and went to see the neighbour, she gave me contact details of her daughter and I was able to phone and find out what was happening myself.

I went to pick my kids up after work and was then told to P--S off and get out of our lives by my Mum and Dad in front of my kids!

I was then in a state of shock and had to find alternative child care for the next 6 weeks of the holiday. My mother has not spoken to me since but has tried to contact my kids, I told her I want an apology for the kids and for me and the phone was then put down on me.

All this because I was concerned about my child.

OP posts:
phantomnamechanger · 10/09/2013 14:34

Back to the OP, I would also be annoyed with the DD who went off, regardless of what her GM said, she ought to have been taught that you need to know where she is and be informed of any and all changes of plan/location.

claraschu · 10/09/2013 14:36

of course grandparents have mobiles now, but when they were bringing up children it wasn't possible or necessary to have contact numbers all the time. They don't necessarily exchange mobile numbers the way younger people do.

claraschu · 10/09/2013 14:36

of course grandparents have mobiles now, but when they were bringing up children it wasn't possible or necessary to have contact numbers all the time. They don't necessarily exchange mobile numbers the way younger people do.

claraschu · 10/09/2013 14:36

of course grandparents have mobiles now, but when they were bringing up children it wasn't possible or necessary to have contact numbers all the time. They don't necessarily exchange mobile numbers the way younger people do.

kiriwawa · 10/09/2013 14:36

Not so phantom :o

Owllady · 10/09/2013 14:37

I think you over reacted as well and if I was your Mum and you treated me like that i would be pissed off as well tbf

phantomnamechanger · 10/09/2013 14:37

OMG!!
Blush

damn stupid computer!

sorry!!!!!!!

cjel · 10/09/2013 14:37

Huge over reaction, You owe parents an apology. And your boss!!

HavantGuard · 10/09/2013 14:39

True. They tended prepare in advance instead by asking questions like where are you going? How long will you be? Both of which the OP's mother failed to ask.

Original poster
Noodle1963 · 10/09/2013 14:41

MY 13 year old is not the issue!!!!!

I would not have minded at all if my 9 year old was going into the neighbours house to play, but taken out, without my permission by a total strange woman and man in a car does not sit well with me! And yes things were different when I was a kid but we still had Myra Hindley shoved in our faces every so often. My boss is a gem and he totally agreed with me.

OP posts:
WilsonFrickett · 10/09/2013 14:41

What's that you say Phantom? I didn't quite catch it Grin

BeeMom · 10/09/2013 14:42

I cannot give a lift to my dds best friend from school without correct car insurance a CRB... This does not state it is a school sanctioned activity - it implies that it is "DDs best friend from school"

Of course, for school sanctioned activities, that is one thing (if it is a school activity, why are the school not transporting?) but the OP seems mildly unhinged and majorly over-protective.

At 13, I trusted that I had provided my child with sufficient tools that he could determine how to conduct himself, keep himself safe and respond in an emergency. He traveled independently on public transportation (and had done so for 3 years, by that time), could cook a simple meal and clean up afterwards, and at 13, could keep an eye on his 6 year old sister while I did the shopping and DH was at work.

WilsonFrickett · 10/09/2013 14:42

Seriously though, why is that different? Is it the driving/car thing in particular that bothers you? Does your mother know this?

nemno · 10/09/2013 14:44

I wouldn't have been worried if my mum had made that decision.

Morloth · 10/09/2013 14:44

So you are going to dump your parents over this? Is it worth it?

I assume they have previously provided good childcare or you wouldn't have left them there this time.

People think it is the 13 year old because that is how your OP reads.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 10/09/2013 14:45

To be fair noodle you didn't actually make it clear which dd it was.

But I still think it's a bit of a over reaction.

To leave work, close up a shop and be in a total panic because your 9 year old has gone out with a family that your mum knew seems a bit much.

And you went all the way back to visit the neighbour?

phantomnamechanger · 10/09/2013 14:45

Bee, in OPs update at 1402 she clarified that she meant for school trips....

The insurance/CRB is if I take them out for a school trip!

phantomnamechanger · 10/09/2013 14:47

Oh and also Bee, many schools that do not have a minibus and trained staff to drive it, rely on volunteers or the costs of coach hire would be prohibitive. If the kids have to make their own way there to a concert/fixture, then kids whose parents work will be left out - hence the volunteer driver thing - very common IME

TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking · 10/09/2013 14:47

Regardless of which dd it was op, You have majorly overreacted!

awakemysoull · 10/09/2013 14:48

Labour.

Only if that idiot millipede was shown the door though. Can't stand him he's so fake. I agree with most of their policies and I believe they have changed since brown the clown and Blair the liar were in office.

awakemysoull · 10/09/2013 14:49

Sorry wrong thread! Don't know how that happened.. I'll leave now Blush Hmm Confused Wine Wine Wine Wine

Retroformica · 10/09/2013 14:49

They should have run it past you as the neighbours relatives are total strangers.

The 13 year old should have rang you to check. Also grandparents.

At 13 and 9 children are very vulnerable still.

Pachacuti · 10/09/2013 14:50

I'm on the fence.

I don't think it was intrinsically unreasonable of your mother to let your DD2 go off with her neighbour's granddaughter and family (assuming that she knows them) but she should definitely have known roughly where they were going and have had contact details.

Your dashing out of work and shutting the shop was a massive overreaction. Given that you were worked up enough to do that I suspect that you were also quite rude to your mother, in which case I'm not surprised that she was angry and didn't want to provide free childcare any more; but telling you to piss off and get out of their lives was distinctly U (although what exactly had you said to her, was that in front of either your DDs, and how would it look written down?).

YANBU to have been cross that she wasn't keeping better track of your DD2. And YANBU to want an apology if that is what she said to you. But at the same time your overreaction really didn't help, so YABU as far as that goes. And I'd be interested to read your mother's side of this.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 10/09/2013 14:54

Bit why would they have "run it past" the OP?

Their grandmother was looking after the children. She said it was ok for the dd to go.

Why would you need it in triplicate?

The fact is, I am assuming from the rest of the post that you were angry with your mum. You made a huge fuss, to the point of closing up the shop in a panic to rush to the neighbours house.

Surely, your mum could have asked the neighbour for a contact number when she got home, and then passed it on to you instead of all this hysteria?

EverybodysStressyEyed · 10/09/2013 14:56

I think it would have been much easier for you to have just said
'Ok, but do you think you could ask neighbour for the mums contact details?'

You both seem to have over reacted. She wasn't a total stranger as she is known to your mother and you easily got the contact details.

I'm glad your boss was understanding - mine wouldn't have been!

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