Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To report my husband to social services warning distressing content

195 replies

Arnie123 · 10/09/2013 10:50

My son is 2 and at weekend I noticed a V shape red mark on the front of his neck. The shape of the v was a perfect match for his sweatshirt and I could see instantly what had happened is my son had been picked up by the back of the sweatshirt and lifted in the air. The mark was still present but less so on Sunday and by Monday had gone. He admitted the incident and there were no mitigating circumstances eg he was running into the road and he grabbed him for safety reasons. As he is blind I surreptitiously recorded the conversation for evidence. He has told me he is sorry and it is an isolated incident. Over the weekend I was in a state of shock so did not report him but monitored his contact with my son. Now it has sunk in I feel I need to get the locks changed today and call the ss it will mean the end of our marriage but I regard what has happened as very serious and need to put my son first. Please no sarky or nasty comments I am incredibly distressed right now and need support not criticism

OP posts:
midlandslurker · 10/09/2013 15:19

It all comes down to the reason he pulled the boy by his jumper. If he was picking him up to shake him, then yes, it's bad. But if he was pulling him back from touching a hot cup of tea, then that's fine

The OP states that he "picked him up by the back of his jumper and held him there"

Quite different from pulling a child to safety.................

Wuxiapian · 10/09/2013 15:25

But, what did he actually say had happened?

Recording him in secret is wrong.

firesidechat · 10/09/2013 15:34

The OP states that he "picked him up by the back of his jumper and held him there"

midland - I don't think that's what she said. She said that that is what she assumed happened from the mark. She didn't see it happen and it could also have been caused by pulling the clothes (for whatever reason). Her husbands version of events hasn't been included in this thread at all. She says he admitted it, but what did he admit to? Not sure. The OP has been asked this and hasn't replied.

firesidechat · 10/09/2013 15:38

By the way, I am the last person to be an apologist for people who hurt children. I don't usually comment on those kind of threads because it is so far from my life experience, thank goodness. I'm just not sure in this case that things are so clear cut.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 10/09/2013 15:48

Confused this thread is so confusing!

ouryve · 10/09/2013 15:55

That's because I don't think it's just the thread that's confusing, InLove

Someone has given us a snapshot of their very confusing lives and, TBH, if the OP has contacted social services, then I sincerely hope that the whole family gets directed to the support it clearly needs.

WorraLiberty · 10/09/2013 16:01

TBH I don't think I've ever seen the OP post a positive word about her DH anyway, so perhaps the over reaction was more to do with that.

MammaTJ · 10/09/2013 16:05

Can anyone tell me if this is the same OP who said she has a blind husband, and her home was a mess, some MNers went round to help sort it and another sent Pizza to?

Not 100% sure.

wickeddevil · 10/09/2013 16:15

Think if would be good for SS to be involved if they are not already.

Very hard to know what is true and I wouldnt want to guess. It sounds very complex to me and the child's needs should be put first.

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 10/09/2013 16:20

Ummm, OK OP.

You've not answered whether your son is also your DH's son. You've not answered why you've not looked into alternative childcare. You've also not answered reasonable requests for information.

Your response to all of this is as weird as this thread.

honey86 · 10/09/2013 16:39

i agree with wannabe. its easy to assume that we wouldnt cope as blind cos we dont know different.

but theres a well known lady in my town who goes to group sometimes. shes fully blind and her dh is partially blind. theyve been married a decade and have 9 kids. yes, 9! and theyre sometimes on the bus with them all and theyre both competent parents. when her youngest was born youd see her walking with them all and pulling her buggy behind her. she actually has a good sense of awareness despite her disability.
shes amazing and an inspiration Smile x

usuallyright · 10/09/2013 16:48

bloody hell, 9 kids and blind? Talk about making hard work!

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 10/09/2013 16:49

Yes, but just because you know someone who had no problems at all doesn't mean that every blind person has no problems. Assuming someone can't do something because they are blind is wrong. But at the same time, assuming they don't have additional needs because of a disability is also wrong, and doesn't leave any room for help. The idea that a disabled person can always do everything a non-disabled person can do is a nice one, but its not always fair (and the accompanying feeling that you are expected to be some kind of super-person is wearying too).

Some people are fantastic parents irrespective of any circumstances. And some are terrible. Most of us fall somewhere in between.

KatieScarlett2833 · 10/09/2013 16:55

Another one with the blind parents. Mum was also my childminder for both DC at the same time from birth till school age.
It has never been an issue.

Dorange · 10/09/2013 17:08

Sorry about such a stupid question but how does a blind person uses mumsnet? how do they read it? is it partial blindness?
I forgot the name of the blind mumsnetter on this thread but this is a genuine question.

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 10/09/2013 17:09

Mamma I domt think its that poster. She had a different user name. This poster posts about how her husband is a liar and a recovering alcoholic and a secret smoker etc.

I just think she wants a way out but for some reason cant just leave

BrianTheMole · 10/09/2013 17:24

By using a screen reader dorange such as 'jaws'.

firesidechat · 10/09/2013 17:31

Dorange my parents are a bit too old for computer use, but there are all sorts of equipment available - braille keyboards, text to speech software and I'm sure loads more. People with partial sight can also use magnifiers which make print much larger and more readable.

Cravey · 10/09/2013 18:05

I think you need to sit down and ask your husband how this happened. In what context etc. you seem to be over reacting or has other stuff happened.

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/09/2013 18:19

Interesting.

A thread on MN where shit loads of people question why a mum leaves a child with dad with no disclosed incidences of abuse just minor concerns not about violence.

The usual response to a mum asking if she should would be to have her flamed for not treating dad like an equal parent,that dad is just as capable as mum of deciding how a child is cared for and who the hell does she think she is trying to be the parent in charge.

And for what its worth its perfectly legal to record people without there knowledge as long as the actual recordings are for your own use,whilst a covert recording could not be used as evidence a exact transcript of that recording can be.

She's had minor concerns in the past about the care but now she has a fairly major concern about a possible violent incident.

mignonette · 10/09/2013 18:24

Devious and calculating.

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/09/2013 18:26

Would you not be devious and calculating if it were the only way you could prove your child needed protecting?

honey86 · 10/09/2013 18:31

not saying she doesnt have no problems, she has homestart help n disability sw support but shes very independent for a disabled person. youd be surprised how determined some can be Smile

mignonette · 10/09/2013 18:32

The evasive behaviour of the OP in response to perfectly reasonable questions makes me smell a rat.

upsidedownbacktofronttopsyturv · 10/09/2013 18:35

Dorange

I'm classed as blind and have some vision. Being blind does not mean darkness. there are also software to use to help.

I also have 2DD'S one 5 and 7months and I can look after them both fine. I had full vision until 3years ago when I started to lose it.