To report my husband to social services warning distressing content

[Arnie123]

My son is 2 and at weekend I noticed a V shape red mark on the front of his neck. The shape of the v was a perfect match for his sweatshirt and I could see instantly what had happened is my son had been picked up by the back of the sweatshirt and lifted in the air. The mark was still present but less so on Sunday and by Monday had gone. He admitted the incident and there were no mitigating circumstances eg he was running into the road and he grabbed him for safety reasons. As he is blind I surreptitiously recorded the conversation for evidence. He has told me he is sorry and it is an isolated incident. Over the weekend I was in a state of shock so did not report him but monitored his contact with my son. Now it has sunk in I feel I need to get the locks changed today and call the ss it will mean the end of our marriage but I regard what has happened as very serious and need to put my son first. Please no sarky or nasty comments I am incredibly distressed right now and need support not criticism

[DropYourSword]

I'm unsure why some people on here equate being blind to being incompetent?? There are many blind people in the world. Lots of them have children. There is no reason to think they are any less (or more) capable of being excellent parents.
The only reason that OP mentioned her DH was blind was because it enabled her to secretly record him (which I personally find distasteful)

[IslaValargeone]

Usually people woudn't end a post regarding potential abuse/social services involvement with 'Please no sarky comments' unless there was something odd about it?
A blind man in charge of a 2 year old, recorded conversations and lock changes?
It's odd.

[Lweji]

I can see if someone is blind that it would be hard to get hold of a little boy, who is likely to be perfectly capable of pushing away until there's a red mark, or is caught when running away from dad.

If it's not safe for him to be in charge, then find a nursery or child minder?

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

I'm sorry but I have to ask, if you are so concerned about the way he looks after your child, if you have had concerns about his welfare previously, to the point that this incident has you thinking of reporting to SS, why have you been leaving your child to be cared for solely by this person?

It doesn't make any sense to me.

[ShatnersBassoon]

I didn't say blind people are incompetent parents, and I don't think anybody here has.

I think it's fair to suggest that being blind makes monitoring a toddler more difficult though.

[IslaValargeone]

I should add I'm not suggesting blind people can't be in charge of children, but you don't seem to have confidence in his abilities even without this latest episode.

[LazyMonkeyButler]

I have no doubt that a blind person can be a very good parent but is it not a bit dangerous for your DH to be left in sole charge of a toddler for "long hours"? I can't imagine how I would be able to keep DD (who is also 2) reliably safe if I could not see what she was up to!

It seems a bit odd that you are thinking of contacting SS over a one off mark, which was fairly minor if it disappeared in 2 days, but see nothing wrong with your blind DH having all-day sole care of an active toddler .

[Unexpected]

I think a blind person is perfectly capable of looking after their own child, the question is whether your dh wants to? The not cooking, sitting in front of TV, not going out to parks etc screams depression to me. Was it a joint decision for your husband to look after your son? did he work previously? Would he prefer to work out of the home?

[Runningchick123]

I agree with weegiemum - SS will look at the whole family and then look at what is best for the child.
It cold be that SS get some support for your husband to help I'm care for your son a bit better. They might be interested in why you haven't considered registered childcare for your son during the hours that you work. Obviously your husband might be very capable of looking after your son on a daily basis, but whether the individual social worker will agree is not foreseeable.
What will you do for childcare if your husband leaves / you throw him out? Could you take that childcare option anyway whilst you try to resolve the issues around your husband apparent laziness? Could your husband go and do a course / look for a job which might help his levels of motivation and self esteem?
Without knowing why your husband grabbed your sons sweatshirt it's not possible to say whether he meant to harm him.

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

I don't think blind parents are incompetent.

I would say a parent who is so concerned about her child's welfare that she is thinking of calling SS should maybe have found alternative childcare arrangements, whether that person is blind or not.

Recording someone secretly is really not nice at all.

There has to be a huge back story to this. I just don't get why you are fretting over a mark that may be accidental when you probably should have been addressing the child in wet clothes and not eating properly.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

Op, you have many replies asking questions, if you start answering them you have a better chance of getting helpful replies.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

Op, you have many replies asking questions, if you start answering them you have a better chance of getting helpful replies.

[gamerchick]

Obviously your husband despite the shed loads of blind parents that can.. simply can't cope with a toddler for 'long hours'. Rather than boot him out on the street.. how about asking him if he's struggling and get some bloody help in if its needed. Yanno the type of help you'll have to get if he's not around.

[medhandthekiddiesvtheworld]

you think this is distressing content???

Some of the comments on this thread are very inappropriate.

You haven't said at all how this happened. Thats the important thing.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

Being blind is perhaps a red herring. He seems unable to cope with long hours sole charge. Focus on that.

[extracrunchy]

Really no way to comment on the specific incident till we know what DH's explanation was! OP what did he give as a reason for having grabbed DS by the jumper?

Not sure any of it is cause to report to SS - if you're concerned to that extent, why are you leaving DS with DH?

[RevoltedMum]

Why leave the child with someone who you are not happy is caring for the child properly?

Do you just want a get out of the marriage reason?

[TheProsAndConsOfHitchhiking]

Is your DH your childs bio dad?

What reason did your dh give for grabbing the jumper?

[Bowlersarm]

This makes no sense at all.

Have similar things happened before?

Have you answered why you say 'my' son not 'our' son?

[SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious]

Op Do you like your husband? All your other threads about say other wise.

[SouthernComforts]

[Bowlersarm]

Quite honestly, I think you should be seeing a divorce lawyer or a marriage counsellor, not someone from social services.

It just sounds like you want your relationship with DH to end.