was i right to tell my ds not to apologise to this woman??

[mummyjs]

my ds (4) and i were in the chemist waiting for a prescription.
my ds was stood by the door pressing the button to open it for people to come in and out and smiling at them and chatting away, people were saying than you and he was smiling and saying your welcome ect.
Anyway this older lady came in and he opened the door for him and she gave him a horrible look and barged past him. He said to her 'its nice to say thank you', which is something i drill into him so i suppose its my fault in a way. anyway she shouted at him 'how dare you speak to a adult that way' and then told me that i should control him and make him say sorry to her.
I have to admit my back was put up by the nasty tone in her voice and told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old.
anyway she barged back out saying something along the lines of parents who dont control their kids ect.
was i being unreasonable? if he had of said anything rude to her then of course i would have made him say sorry, but i honestly dont think he was the rude one in this??

Anyway despite the many good points made above by others, in the end this is still a classic of the literature. Where "the literature" means little kids trying to follow the rules in a hilariously babyish way. Fair enough if you end the anecdote with a disclaimer that both the other woman and you were in a chemist's so not feeling as cheery as normal. The icing on the cake will be if it was actually DS who was ill and had reason to be less than cheery...

I dont believe he was being clever or precocious, i think he is 4 and didnt understand the difference between me constantly telling him that he should say please or thank you and being told off if he doesnt.
Yes i admit that i came across worse by snapping but in all honestly this woman clearly saw him open the door, and really did shout quite horribly at him, at the end of the day ds is 4, has not really got the whole meaning of do as i say not as i do type of thing and was very upset and teary as he genuinely did not understand what he had said was wrong

I agree secretswitch. That comment was below the belt if you'll pardon the pun. x

there was no way that he could have caught his fingers, its is a large button about a meter in front of a sliding door so it would not have caused a accident

How come he was operating the door in the first place?

mummyjs - sorry but then you need to tell him that it is not his place to tell adults how to behave. Obviously though you believe he can do no wrong.

I'm not normally this offhand but personally I am fed up of kids doing "cute" things unchecked by parents. Maybe she was just a rude and ignorant woman, maybe she was ill and in pain - who knows? The point is, it was not your son's place to tell her this! Fair enough he did not know - but then your job surely was to tell him?

Sorry he was upset but he could have learned something this afternoon - instead, he's learned that he is always right in the eyes of mummy.

I wish that more people would learn what ageing does to every aspect of a person, besides from being in constant pain etc.

My 85 year old Mum goes around oblivious to what is actually happening, I can always tell when her bloods are not going to come back normal, her whole cognitive processing goes out of the window.

If you are struggling to get around, for any reason( there are many reasons why "the elderly" may have to focus and ignore anything that isn't important to the task they are carrying out.

She has had excellent manners in the past and became a Lollypop lady when she retired, a job she did until she had her second stroke.

In my opinion she has earned the right to go about her business.

I will admit to losing my temper if anyone around her dares to show the contempt for her, that is shown on this thread.

My Mum is as precious to me ( as are many aged peole) and as vulnerable, as anyone's child is to them, that needs to be understood.

There are many posts on here about living with various conditions during pregnancy, imagine if you had to live in that physical state for at least 10 years, with your friends and close family passing away and little to look forward to.

I little occasional understanding wouldn't go amiss.

I wouldn't have made him apologise but I would have said 'I'm so sorry we upset you'.

Sorry I forgot, YABU.

But I suppose this is why I have to practically shove fit and well teens out if the front seats so my Mum can sit down.

I would have also told him afterwards that the lady might have been having a bad day which is why she was rude, but it is not up to him to tell her that she was rude.

Hard to explain to a child, but I would have tried to explain this to him as best I could.

Surely the way to teach him that it is not always ok to say things like that to adults you don't know would be to ask him to apologise and explain why to him?

The woman was rude but you know nothing of her or her situation. She could be ill, in pain, under stress or just plain bloody rude but you cannot do anything about that. You can teach your son that it is not appropriate for him to try to correct adults he does not know well.

I do despair sometimes at these "the world must revolve around my darling child" threads. My children were little before MN existed and I could be wrong but I don't think mothers then expected as many allowances made for children as they do now.

You lost me when you thought it necessary to say "older lady" I hate ageism.

Oh, and he was cheeky.

Good post from Birdsgottafly.

An elderly woman visiting the chemist isn't there for entertainment.

You should not have encouraged or allowed your son to play with the door mechanism.

Understand that other people's "precocious" children aren't always amusing, they can be a pain in the butt.

Some of the comments on this thread describing this elderly woman and what posters would like to do to her are shameful and despicable.

Why were you indulging him? Letting him operate doors? Then you stood watching him.... Why would you let him do that?

I have always taught mine not to touch/mess about....

Your ds was right, just because one is elderly does not mean they have to be rude or leave go of their manners! No he should not ave said it, but some of te older generation demand respect without giving any back.

Why where you letting him play with the door?

Otherwise seems to me that all involved where pretty rude.

"was very upset and teary as he genuinely did not understand what he had said was wrong"

So it's up to you to teach him. That's your job.

I wouldn't have let my child play with the door. It's not a toy and he's not a doorman. It was inappropriate to let him do it at all, worse still in a chemist where people are more likely to be ill, in pain or have had bad news.

If you hadn't let him play with it (and at four he WAS playing) then this whole situation would not have happened.

YWBU to let him play with the door. He was rude, the lady was rude, you were rude.

But you were most at fault because you let him play with the door. Yes it's fun, but it's not a toy so fun or not you should have stopped him.

But I suppose this is why I have to practically shove fit and well teens out if the front seats so my Mum can sit down.

not at all, i would tell him to give up his seat and he would as he see's me doing this also as it is good manners, the same as saying please and thank you if you clearly see someone holding a door open for you.

yes saying it out loud was not the thing he should have done but he is 4, not 50 odd as this woman was and does not understand the difference.

i would be the first to tell him off for being rude to a adult, but was not given a chance before this woman shouted and bawled at him.
granted she may have had a shitty day...so might i being in a chemist and all that.
He was told that it was rude to point out peoples faults but he was right to think it is rude not to say thank you