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AIBU?

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Original poster

was i right to tell my ds not to apologise to this woman??

578 replies

mummyjs · 09/09/2013 21:22

my ds (4) and i were in the chemist waiting for a prescription.
my ds was stood by the door pressing the button to open it for people to come in and out and smiling at them and chatting away, people were saying than you and he was smiling and saying your welcome ect.
Anyway this older lady came in and he opened the door for him and she gave him a horrible look and barged past him. He said to her 'its nice to say thank you', which is something i drill into him so i suppose its my fault in a way. anyway she shouted at him 'how dare you speak to a adult that way' and then told me that i should control him and make him say sorry to her.
I have to admit my back was put up by the nasty tone in her voice and told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old.
anyway she barged back out saying something along the lines of parents who dont control their kids ect.
was i being unreasonable? if he had of said anything rude to her then of course i would have made him say sorry, but i honestly dont think he was the rude one in this??

OP posts:
temporarilyjerry · 09/09/2013 21:33

Yanbu. Your son was right. It IS nice to say thank you.

Yabu to write "If he had of "

had have Grin

JackNoneReacher · 09/09/2013 21:33

He was a typical 4 year old - still learning what shouldn't be said, even if it is true. She was a rude - and had no excuse. I wouldn't have made him apologise (although I'd have explained to him later that he shouldn't have said it)

Sirzy · 09/09/2013 21:34

People are there because they're ill, often in pain, and aren't always going to be in the mood for humouring children Good point!

maddening · 09/09/2013 21:34

I'd have suggested that when she apologised for not thanking him then he would apologise for being outspoken.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 09/09/2013 21:35

I dont think he was being cheeky on purpose. He's 4 fgs. They tend to take things literally. He knows its polite to say please and thank you and probably in his head what he said to this woman wasn't rude at all but grown up. After all, mummy tells him this all the time.

I'd probably have apologised for him with a pointed "Sorry if he offended you, he didn't intend to" and talked to him about not speaking to people like that again. It does come across as cheeky after all. But like I said I doubt he meant to be.

YouTheCat · 09/09/2013 21:35

True about the being in pain but funnily enough most people with manners still manage to say please and thank you.

SunshineMMum · 09/09/2013 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CHJR · 09/09/2013 21:36

Excellent. You must remember this story to trot out at dinner parties, his wedding, etc.
Of course one shouldn't criticise other people's manners but that old lady clearly wasn't lacking just manners but also common sense, a sense of humour, and the normal dose of affection for an ADORABLE 4yo! Her loss.

pictish · 09/09/2013 21:37

Oh I don't think he was being cheeky on purpose! Not at all!
His retort was still pretty pointed though... Grin

YouTheCat · 09/09/2013 21:39

OP you need to teach him to say 'you're welcome'.

If someone has said thank you it is entirely appropriate and if they haven't it's nicely PA. Grin

ForTheLoveOfSocks · 09/09/2013 21:39

Why is it acceptable to be rude to a child?? Are they any less of a person just because they are small?

She was a cantankerous old bag by the sounds of it, and derserved what he said.

Op YANBU.

wonderingsoul · 09/09/2013 21:39

he's four... he wasnt being rude in the normal sense and im surrpised people are so up in the air on hearing a 4 year old say that, they see things in black and white. he was right.. in his world you say thank you.

there was no need for an older woman to talk to a 4 year old liek that. NO matter what. if she was annoyed she should have just kept her mouth closed and moaned to soe one else later.

SaucyJack · 09/09/2013 21:39

How do you know he's adorable CHJR? Hve you met him?

Past the age of about two or three most kids are much of a muchness to anyone other than their immediate family.

(except mine, obv)

arethereanyleftatall · 09/09/2013 21:39

She was rude, then your DS was, then you were.

As someone else said, what your DS does will be cute to you, and you will expect it is to others. It isn't. Regardless of how cute you think he's being.

littlemisswise · 09/09/2013 21:40

What floggingmolly said.

It really isn't a good idea to allow your child to play with doors, of he catches his fingers whose fault will it be then?

CharityFunDay · 09/09/2013 21:40

This reply has been deleted

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Bluestocking · 09/09/2013 21:41

I think that one person's ADORABLE four year old is another person's annoying brat. I am usually very happy to appreciate other people's children, but if I was on my way into the chemist following a visit to the doctor or hospital where I'd received upsetting news, I might not be all that thrilled to be greeted with a completely unexpected (and frankly cheeky) remark from an unknown child playing with the automatic door opener.

BrianTheMole · 09/09/2013 21:41

He was right to think it, but he shouldn't have said it. He was a bit rude really, although I'm sure he didn't intend to be. And she was a bit rude, but it was a chemist, maybe she wasn't feeling so well, maybe she didn't even realise your ds had opened the door for her.

NoComet · 09/09/2013 21:41

He's four, repeating something adults have said to him.

I can hear my live wire DNiece (7) doing the same without meaning to be cheeky.

Now had DD2 replied like that by 5 or 6 she would have been trying it on, as she was a right bossy madam.

defineme · 09/09/2013 21:42

He's 4 and he's still learning, but she could have had a very hard day and really didn't need to be patronized by a 4 yr old.

You have time to sort this out- I know so so many smug pompous entitled 8 and 10 year olds that think they are on equal footing with adults and at liberty to point out their perceived faults. I am polite to adults and children- I only point out my own children's faults.. Adults are there to teach children, not the other way round.

Hissy · 09/09/2013 21:42

Dunno about thé 4yo, if i'd have been the mother I would have reminded her to thank my son!

There is no excuse for bad manners. I'm fed up of my polite DS being barged out of the way by old biddies people that bloody well do know better!

wonderingsoul · 09/09/2013 21:43

a child opens a door for you.. you say thank you. its got nothing to do with cutness.

you just do

just like when a toddler hands you a phone.. you answer that call.

internationallove985 · 09/09/2013 21:43

Y.N.B.U. If adults expect children to have manners then at least they should lead by example, people are often too quick to say a child has been cheeky when in actual fact they have made a valid point as did your D.S. This women should have said thank you, if the boot was on the other foot your D.S would have been frowned upon had he not said thank you to her. x

BrokenSunglasses · 09/09/2013 21:43

Sounds to me like all three of you were rude.

Floggingmolly · 09/09/2013 21:44

the normal dose of affection for an ADORABLE 4yo!
Not all 4 year olds are necessarily adorable, and other people's kids are by and large just that; other people's kids.

I find it tedious to be expected to applaud toddler "performances" when I'm going about my daily business and my mind is elsewhere.