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AIBU?

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Original poster

was i right to tell my ds not to apologise to this woman??

578 replies

mummyjs · 09/09/2013 21:22

my ds (4) and i were in the chemist waiting for a prescription.
my ds was stood by the door pressing the button to open it for people to come in and out and smiling at them and chatting away, people were saying than you and he was smiling and saying your welcome ect.
Anyway this older lady came in and he opened the door for him and she gave him a horrible look and barged past him. He said to her 'its nice to say thank you', which is something i drill into him so i suppose its my fault in a way. anyway she shouted at him 'how dare you speak to a adult that way' and then told me that i should control him and make him say sorry to her.
I have to admit my back was put up by the nasty tone in her voice and told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old.
anyway she barged back out saying something along the lines of parents who dont control their kids ect.
was i being unreasonable? if he had of said anything rude to her then of course i would have made him say sorry, but i honestly dont think he was the rude one in this??

OP posts:
littlemisswise · 09/09/2013 22:40

Was he pressing the button that is there for disabled people to open the door? It would have been bloody handy if he had broken that by playing with it!

Original poster
mummyjs · 09/09/2013 22:40

there was no danger of anyone or him getting hurt from pushing the door button, he was told by me on a previous trip to not play with the button. the woman who owns the chemist had shown him how the magic door opens and had told him how he was her little helper so did not see that it was a big deal, i could see him, he was in no danger, the owner thought it was fine and its her door and it gave me two mins to discuss medication with the chemist

OP posts:
pigletmania · 09/09/2013 22:41

No op ds should not have been pressing the door button, that was op fault for not stopping it, but my goodness there are some grumps on Mumsnet tonight

Salmotrutta · 09/09/2013 22:41

I'd like to know exactly how loud this woman shouted.

Some people seem to think a slightly raised voice is "shouting".

curlew · 09/09/2013 22:42

"50 odd"

Oh, bloody hell.

pigletmania · 09/09/2013 22:42

Little miss that button would have to be pressed anyway by the person wanting to come in. Ah the chemist was supportive of his door button pressing

Devora · 09/09/2013 22:43

What is this 'bitter' old lady thing? Why do we never assume old men are bitter?

Is it because a woman whose ovaries have stopped ticking is considered neither use nor ornament, and must therefore be eaten up in miserable envy of everyone else?

Salmotrutta · 09/09/2013 22:43

I often fail to see the cuteness of other people's children...

Lilacroses · 09/09/2013 22:43

So thus teaching him that it's nice to do nice things for people even if they give you a filthy look, barge past you and then shout at you? That's teaching your child to be a doormat not teaching your child about manners.

HeySoulSister · 09/09/2013 22:43

So you weren't watching him even? And you let the chemist owner undermine your parenting

Your parenting sounds quite ineffectual really, and very lax!

pigletmania · 09/09/2013 22:44

Devira iam sure if it been a man there would have been similar remarks directed at him

quesadilla · 09/09/2013 22:44

And I also think this idea that children always have to be polite to adults but adults can be rude and abusive to children with impunity because they are adults is horseshit. It is no more her "place" to be rude to him than it is his to be cheeky to her. (By the way that phrase about it being someone's place or not to say something is straight out of the Victorians. Are we still bound by the idea that its fine for one type of person but not for another?)

littlemisswise · 09/09/2013 22:45

Not necessarily Piglet, a lot of doors with those buttons can be opened manually. They have the buttons to make it possible for people in wheelchairs, or people with disabilities who can not manage heavy doors, to open the doors. I know when I can't open the door into MaccyD's I use the button, the kids and DH just push it.

pigletmania · 09/09/2013 22:46

Blimy I am sure op won't let her ds press any door buttons after this, so steady on you grump,y lot Smile

Salmotrutta · 09/09/2013 22:46

I'm always stumped as to why age is considered relevant in these types of threads.

Why did the woman's age even matter?

Are there no brusque young women?

hotncold · 09/09/2013 22:46

This thread explains to me why, when I go down my local high street:

  • there's a sign in the window of the charity shop that says "please do not allow children to climb into the window display"
  • there's a sign on the scales in the vets waiting room that says "please do not allow children to play on these scales"
  • there's a sign on the self assessment blood pressure monitor in the Dr's waiting room that says "this is not a toy - please do not allow children to play with it"

The woman showing him how the magic door opens isn't an invitation to stand there pressing it over and over and criticising people who come into the chemists.

I have a 5 year old and 3 year old, btw, so I'm neither 'older' nor out of touch with how small DC behave. But they would KNOW not to stand pressing the door button, no matter how fun it was for them.

jessieagain · 09/09/2013 22:47

Well I think the chemist was wrong to encourage the door to be used as a toy Hmm.

You still were very rude to her.

Lilacroses · 09/09/2013 22:47

That was in response to Dojo's post, sorry, should've said. Why on earth should he apologise? I just cannot believe this and I am one of the least assertive people you could possibly meet!

Birdsgottafly · 09/09/2013 22:48

If elderly people become physically ill, there can be a form of temporary Mental Illness, as well as thyroid conditions etc, causing slightly unbalanced behaviour.

The lack of knowledge and intolerance across these threads, is disgusting.

tiggerpigger · 09/09/2013 22:48

I take my hat off to your son. Good on him. She was rude not to say thank you and deserved to be told off my a 4 year old.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 09/09/2013 22:48

He wasn't being rude - he's 4 - he is still learning 'social skills' such as not telling other people that they are being rude etc but he was just 'helping/explaining' as far as he's concerned. So yes, he needs you to explain why he shouldn't have said that to her, but he doesn't need 'telling off' - by anyone.

She was rude - maybe it was excusable, maybe not - but she was still rude.

Lilacroses · 09/09/2013 22:49

hotncold, OP has already said that the woman in the chemist showed her son the button and was fine with it.

needaholidaynow · 09/09/2013 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timidviper · 09/09/2013 22:49

50 odd???? And you have referred to her as old???
Well now I really am offended!

Speaking as 53 year old I think I can spot where he gets his ability to open mouth and insert foot Hmm

ghostspirit · 09/09/2013 22:50

well said quesadilla

we are now going to go down the route of you took your eyes of your child for 2 seconds oh no.