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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

was i right to tell my ds not to apologise to this woman??

578 replies

mummyjs · 09/09/2013 21:22

my ds (4) and i were in the chemist waiting for a prescription.
my ds was stood by the door pressing the button to open it for people to come in and out and smiling at them and chatting away, people were saying than you and he was smiling and saying your welcome ect.
Anyway this older lady came in and he opened the door for him and she gave him a horrible look and barged past him. He said to her 'its nice to say thank you', which is something i drill into him so i suppose its my fault in a way. anyway she shouted at him 'how dare you speak to a adult that way' and then told me that i should control him and make him say sorry to her.
I have to admit my back was put up by the nasty tone in her voice and told her that i would not tell him to apologise, he was right, its rude not to say thank you and that a woman of her age should not need a lesson in manners from a 4 year old.
anyway she barged back out saying something along the lines of parents who dont control their kids ect.
was i being unreasonable? if he had of said anything rude to her then of course i would have made him say sorry, but i honestly dont think he was the rude one in this??

OP posts:

missmapp · 11/09/2013 18:21

Oh and now that I see I can be classed as an 'older lady' , I can add this would have annoyed me too! ( isthisaboutme hope your dad is ok now)

ovenchips · 11/09/2013 18:22

It's a simple game of odds and inevitably though isn't it?

Your son was doing something that people would either play along with or not.

You said other people were playing along with your son, so that's the majority of people who were nice. One was grumpy.

That's life isn't it? Mostly people are nice in everyday unimportant dealings, some really aren't (though you rarely get to learn why).

It's not worth your time or energy being bothered by it, if you can possibly help it. It doesn't sound like your little boy was too bothered by it, so no need to brood if poss.

Therealamandaclarke · 11/09/2013 18:22

Not everyone likes .....
Children/ old people / men/ polish people/ ginger people/ short people/ Londoners.....

ilovesooty · 11/09/2013 18:24

I think people should politely thank a Fi e year old who holds the door open just as they should thank an adult. That's not what was happening here but it isn't the little boy's fault.
Lots of people have said the same thing.
I don't see children being berated all the time here while hostility towards older people is defended. I see precisely the opposite. Attitudes towards people idle ages and older on the forum ate disgraceful and often go unchallenged. MNHQ does precious little to address the issue as far as I can see.

ilovesooty · 11/09/2013 18:25

Middle aged not idle.

missmapp · 11/09/2013 18:25

exactly, and none of them should be playing with door buttons!!!!

To be serious, not liking someone is no reason to be rude, but I don't think this lady was really.

motherinferior · 11/09/2013 18:25

I am a short old ginger Londoner.

I still don't like pert reproofs. Nor do I madly like being done a favour for, actually, and then expected to produce a rictus of gratitude.

Therealamandaclarke · 11/09/2013 18:26

I think some ppl are getting their knickers in a twist about the age thing tbh. And that's causing a greater annoyance at the child's behaviour.

motherinferior · 11/09/2013 18:28

Well, yes, being told that you are clearly a wizened old boot corroded with hatred and sexual frustration does that to a person, I find.

MardyBra · 11/09/2013 18:29

I'm Team Old Bag links arms with IsThisAboutMe
OP - I bet you let your DS scan shopping and hold up the queue in supermarkets too.

Therealamandaclarke · 11/09/2013 18:29

I'm not defending those ageist comments btw. Obviously.

Therealamandaclarke · 11/09/2013 18:30

It the boy didn't make any of those comments.
Neither did his mother.
Direct your justifiable anger towards the ppl who were rude and ageist.

LookingForwardToSalmon · 11/09/2013 18:31

I've noticed op hasn't been back to clarify whether she meant IsThisAboutMe

Therealamandaclarke · 11/09/2013 18:34

Tbf. Op hasn't been back for a while. Before isthis came along.

littlemisswise · 11/09/2013 19:02

LookingForward I can see the glaring difference between holding a door open and having fun arsing about playing with a button on an electric door!

It's not about the opening the door though, is it? It's about the rudeness, and in a lot of people's opinion the boy was rude. It was not his place to pull the woman up on her manners. I hold the door open for people, even with 2 crutches in my hands, people don't always say thank-you, but I am not rude to them because I don't know their circumstances. Isthisaboutme's post highlights why you should cut people some slack.

CarolineKnappShappey · 11/09/2013 20:17

Isthis...

I doubt this is about you as it is totally different. But if it is, the OP has shown herself to have questionable judgment, and some piss poor parenting skills.

If this had been my DS I would have told him off sharpish. But then, according to the OP I probably have Victorian attitudes to children due to having one foot in the grave at 40.

Dubjackeen · 11/09/2013 23:46

If this had been my DS I would have told him off sharpish. But then, according to the OP I probably have Victorian attitudes to children due to having one foot in the grave at 40
Not to mention that you were reared, as I evidently also was, in an era where children were seen and not heard. Apparently...well, according to this thread, anyway. ... Who knew...

chocoluvva · 12/09/2013 11:00

Poor old OP!

She's understandably upset about her 4YO being shouted at and in her outrage at the unpleasant shouty lady she described her in a thoughtless way. A shop assistant let her DS press the button to open the door. She was grateful for the opportunity to get "two minutes" to consult the chemist about something and didn't stop to think it through. She was unlucky to be in the shop at the same time as the other customer and now has posters describing her "parenting skills" as "piss poor" and berating her ageist attitude!

The lady can't have been "isthis" though. Wouldn't she have remembered 'demanding an apology'?

Floggingmolly · 12/09/2013 11:45

That depends on whether there was any outright lying poetic licence in the op, chocluvva,

Writerwannabe83 · 12/09/2013 11:46

@ floggingmolly

ringaringarosy · 12/09/2013 12:02

I havnt taught my children that they should talk to adults any special way,they just talk to them like they do everyone else,which is nicely unless they are given a reason not to.

i wouldnt of made my son apologise and would of told her she was the rude one,your 4 yr old was stating a fact!

motherinferior · 12/09/2013 12:06

But he wasn't talking to her nicely. I don't want to be told off by anyone, thanks a lot. However old or young they are.

curlew · 12/09/2013 12:12

Yep-I was brought up in the era when children were seen and not heard, when any sort of self expression was stamped on and people were really, really repressed. It was called "The 60s"......

Writerwannabe83 · 12/09/2013 12:16

I was bought up in the 80's and I was bought up like that

As a child, of any age, I would never, never, ever have dared speak to an adult like this little boy did. My mother would have absolutely crucified me!!

ilovebabytv · 14/09/2013 09:21

I was brought up in the 80's and my mother drilled it into me to 'respect' my elders. Even when they deliberately hurt me and were grumpy miserable bastards. Fuck that shit.

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