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AIBU?

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
MissStrawberry · 08/09/2013 18:11

Even if she was joking.

Even if you have no sense of humour.

Even if she had had a bump on the head and secretly wants to fuck your P

he STILL is not thinking of you!! He is criticising you and defending her.

Goodadvice1980 · 08/09/2013 18:11

OP, I would seriously consider packing him a bag of overnight stuff and telling him to p*ss off! How dare he disrespect you like this - you have just given birth to his child!

A is no friend of yours, not now, not ever.

Your partner is a complete arse; believe me - if they don't defend you at the beginning, they sure as hell don't at the end!

I am so angry for you.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 08/09/2013 18:12

"OP, I would seriously consider packing him a bag of overnight stuff and telling him to p*ss off!"

I'd already have done it, TBH.

CeliaFate · 08/09/2013 18:13

He's defensive because he knows he's wrong.
I'd have to text A and thank her for her "concern" about your weight but you're bloody fine, thank you very much!
Then I'd give DH a good piece of my mind and tell him where his loyalty should lie.

eatriskier · 08/09/2013 18:13

what Miss's says.

your dp is an area and just as guilty.

give him a taste of his own medicine I say. start texting a about his tiny penis. then say its all fun and his problem if he can't joke about it

eatriskier · 08/09/2013 18:14

*arse

burberryqueen · 08/09/2013 18:15

hahahahahaha yes do what eatriskier said, then throw him out, tell him to enjoy his curry the fuckwit

Vivacia · 08/09/2013 18:16

"start texting a about his tiny penis"

Yes, I'd reply to them both and how it's so funny LOL just like you're always talking about her halitosis LOL.

(Disclaimer: I wouldn't really do this).

Elsiequadrille · 08/09/2013 18:16

I'm astonished he's managed to turn the tables like this and blame you and pretend it was all a joke.

Much they're concerned about your health, given the 'pie' comments from them both. I'm not sure who's supposed to find that amusing, not you certainly, and (one would hope) not your dh.

burberryqueen · 08/09/2013 18:16

yes you would vivacia Grin

SoldAtAuction · 08/09/2013 18:17

Your DP should have your back. He doesn't. Sad
Don't worry about friend "a", she doesn't matter. Your DP needs to learn about compassion, loyalty, sensitivity, and integrity.
I hope you guys get a chance to calmly work it outThanks

BeanandGone · 08/09/2013 18:17

yes, he definitely needs a new backbone.

I'd want to kick him out for the night so he can go and have a think about his loyalties...

givemestrengthorlove · 08/09/2013 18:17

Tell him to go over to her house for the rest of the day if he values her opinion so much and disrespects you.

Tell him you should be the team and he shouldn't be bitching with your friend behind your back. That your friendship with A is over as she is not a true kind friend. That she has been completely disloyal.

Show him the thread.

Elsiequadrille · 08/09/2013 18:18

I would ask A not to discuss you with your husband again.

AllThatGlistens · 08/09/2013 18:18

I cannot believe he responded to actually defend her!! Shock

Get angry OP, she was absolutely in the wrong and he is a complete arse for defending her Sad

PiddlingWeather · 08/09/2013 18:19

OP I'm not going to say LTB or anything, but don't underestimate this betrayal of trust and loyalty on the side of your DP- a friend of mine has recently ended her 10 year marriage for a multitude of reasons, but the root cause is her partner's complete lack of support, most noticeable when she was verbally attacked, at 36 weeks pregnant, by his friends on a night out, and he more or less shrugged and did nothing to defend her. She says that was when the rot set in.

Vivacia · 08/09/2013 18:19

Show him the thread

Best Advice So Far.

eatyouwithaspoon · 08/09/2013 18:19

I knew they would try to pass it off as a joke. If they werent joking even if they were its not funny its doesnt put them in a good light does it?

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 08/09/2013 18:20

So judging by his reaction this badmouthing has been going on for a while, given that he doesn't think today's example is that bad. Ask him what other 'jokes' they've had at your expense.

dufflefluffle · 08/09/2013 18:20

She is a vile manipulative BITCH!!!
Where's the female solidarity there??? Or even just plain old friendship loyalty?

I think you have to speak to your dp and come clean about reading the texts and tell him he's unequivically on your side and must never speak to A about you again in anything less than glowing, LOYAL terms. Then tell A that you saw the texts (don't justify how that came to be - none of the cow's business) and that you are disappointed in her and she need not expect a christmas card from you any year soon!!!

Original poster
Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 18:23

If it wasn't for all of your supportive messages I don't know how I would have go through seeing the messages never mind asking DP about it. Thank you everyone.

Well DP has gone and told wankface about what happened because I have just received that following text from her:

"Hey babybunny I am SO SO sorry about the way those messages came across!! It was honestly just a bit of banter between DP and me didn't mean to hurt you!! I forget how sensitive you are some times lol!! You know you're my girl and I love you like crazy don't you?? Xxxxxxx"

I don't know how to respond.

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 08/09/2013 18:23

How horrible :(

I would have expected my husband to tell her to stop talking about me that way. He isn't as bad as her but I would never, ever allow someone to talk about my husband that way to me. I would have told her right out to leave it out.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 08/09/2013 18:24

Awful and disrespectful. Tell him your eyes are opened now and he is not the person you thought he was. And that since his primary loyalty is not to you, he should not expect loyalty or support from you in the future. Leave him to stew over that while you decide on next steps.

Apileofballyhoo · 08/09/2013 18:24

I wonder if a male friend of his joked about your weight he would react the same? I just can't get my head around the utter rudeness. Very disloyal of him, disgusting of her. Does she make a habit of laughing at people behind their backs? He should have passed comment on her DH when she passed comment on you. Sorry he is being horrible. Hope you're ok.

Dawnywoo · 08/09/2013 18:24

An absolutely overwhelmingly unanimous verdict here OP

Print this thread off and give it to both the tossers.

Because they obviously have their heads so far up their own arses, they don't know right from wrong.

The arrogance of it!