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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
tackytiger · 08/09/2013 18:01

Get angry, bunny! This woman is no friend of yours - there is no way I would ever socialise with her again. She's clearly insecure and miserable in herself to care about this to such an extent.
Not impressed with Dh's explanation, btw. How are you feeling about it?

StuntGirl · 08/09/2013 18:01

What an absolute jebend. First of all jokes are only funny when you're laughing. If a 'joke' upsets someone, its time to back the fuck down and apologise.

He's angry and defensive because he's been caught out doing somehing he knows is wrong. Please don't let him make you feel bad. His behaviour was borderline twat before, it's full on knobhead now though.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 08/09/2013 18:01

And no, you do not "need to have a sense of humour" about your partner and your supposed friend calling you fat behind your back.

It's extremely unkind to slag people off behind their backs.

Awomansworth · 08/09/2013 18:01

A is bitch... From the texts it sounds like your DP was uneasy with the conversation, however he didn't say much to stop her did he. What gave her the impression that as they were friends before you it was ok for her to be so rude about you.

Incidentally is there any romantic history between them, just asking as it sounds suspiciously to me like she's trying to show you in a bad light because she has a thing for him.

A size 14 is not big... FFS even if you were size 30, she still wouldn't be right in the way she's carrying on. I'm angry on your behalf OP.

mrspaddy · 08/09/2013 18:02

Whaaaaaaaaaat!!!!

Sense of humour... He can't even see what is wrong? Oh my god.. I am actually in shock.

No advice..l I don't know what to say.

He will tell her too that you cried.., spiteful cow.

Fontofnowt · 08/09/2013 18:02

You also should ring A and tell her that you don't think a size 14 is fat and don't think it warrants her intervention, after all you haven't felt the need to point out her rancid breath to her hubby.
She can't check her breath so it will crucify her.

Flatasawitchestit · 08/09/2013 18:02

Ouch. Poor you Sad

What a horrible cow.

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 18:04

I wasn't expecting that response from your partner!!

I'd have thrown his dinner in his face!

Make sure you let A know how hurt you are, don't let him get to her first and put his 'spin' on things.

TheStitchWitch · 08/09/2013 18:04

So he's quick off the mark to defend that spiteful cow but couldn't defend you when she was making uncalled for and nasty comments about your weight Shock Nice!

CamelBalls · 08/09/2013 18:05

I would be fuming and he would need to make it up to me majorly

I'm fuming on your behalf!

Flowers for you, go and relax on the sofa with a film and ignore him till he apologises alot better then that

I wouldn't have anything to do with A right now if I was you

MortifiedAdams · 08/09/2013 18:06

Shock am astoubded at his response!

Floggingmolly · 08/09/2013 18:06

I don't think your dp does come out of it better at all. He really shouldn't have engaged with her; the disloyal cow.

EverybodysStressyEyed · 08/09/2013 18:07

Is she physically a picture if health and perfection?

If she was concerned she would have spoken to your dp not brought it up in a text in a crack handed manner

Jokes like that are only funny if you would be happy to say the same in front of the butt of the joke. Otherwise it is bitching and laughing at someone else's expense. Not a kind thing to do to your partner

OhDearNigel · 08/09/2013 18:08

Your hubby should have been telling A how beautiful you are and that your weight is none of her business

What, even if the OP was morbidly overweight and he was seriously concerned about her health ? Are family members not allowed to discuss someone's health-threatening obesity in case they offend their vanity ?

I suspect that, had the OP's DH and DFriend been discussing how to help her with anorexia, they might not be coming in for so much flack.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 18:08

I'd be telling him to fuck off and live with his precious mate.
How dare he blame you and defend the bitch. Wanker.

RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown · 08/09/2013 18:09

I'm gobsmacked at his response. He can defend his "sister" but not you? :(

Vivacia · 08/09/2013 18:09

He's seriously misjudged things with that explanation. He should have been apologising and no where near taking her side. I know people disagree but I believe fully you back your partner and 'new' family up against old family, let alone friends.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 18:10

Nigel, that's not what happened here.

burberryqueen · 08/09/2013 18:10

ohdearnigel that woman was not 'discussing how to help' she was being a complete bitch,complete with 'lol' 'lol' 'lol'

JoinYourPlayfellows · 08/09/2013 18:10

"What, even if the OP was morbidly overweight and he was seriously concerned about her health ?"

She's not morbidly overweight.

She's carrying a bit of baby weight.

They are not remotely concerned for her health.

They were just laughing at her behind her weight and being unkind,

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 08/09/2013 18:10

I am Shock at his response! How dare he jump to her defence instead of apologising and asking you to forgive him!

AgentZigzag · 08/09/2013 18:10

Don't let him make you question how you're interpreting this.

If you need a gauge, I haven't seen any posters finding a way for it to be read differently, pretty rare on MN. If there's another side or you're being even slightly unreasonable, someone would have ferreted it out.

No way were they joking, it wasn't even banter because that would only involve the two of them, it was nasty and spiteful.

And now he's left you feeling like he's gone to gob off to her about how unreasonable you are Sad

Try not to let her come between you, even though his behaviour now isn't doing him much good.

Vivacia · 08/09/2013 18:10

And he could be having her curry for his tea for the rest of the week until he came to his senses.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 08/09/2013 18:10

I am Shock at his response! How dare he jump to her defence instead of apologising and asking you to forgive him!

PiddlingWeather · 08/09/2013 18:10

Shocked at your DPs reaction.

Do you have any male best friends? Ask him if it's OK if you text your old friend 'Bob' all about your angst and dissatisfaction over DP's tiny penis.

It's all a joke, isn't it?