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AIBU?

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 09/09/2013 16:38

Oh fgs.

squoosh · 09/09/2013 16:41

Lemonmuffin what a very helpful post that was.

Twat.

phantomnamechanger · 09/09/2013 16:42

lemonmuffin- have you actually read the thread dear?

Ezio · 09/09/2013 16:42

I dont get how this thread has gone, OP didnt like the messages, she has the right to be annoyed at them.

Op, if you need to lose weight then just do it instead of blaming the people who care about you.

A certainly does not care about her, it was just bitchiness.

LondonNinja · 09/09/2013 16:44

Lenonmuffin, I hope I never have to rely on anyone like you for support.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT WEIGHT.

And, yes, I am shouting. How fucking rude you are.

YouTheCat · 09/09/2013 16:45

I don't think Lemon has even managed to read the OP, never mind the thread. Hmm

lemonmuffin · 09/09/2013 16:45

Yes I have rtft.

If the op has put on a lot of weight why is it so bad for her dp and best friend to have a very brief text chat about it?

squoosh · 09/09/2013 16:47

If you need to ask that question well then you truly are dense.

Jengnr · 09/09/2013 16:47

Because they're being cunts about it.

lemonmuffin · 09/09/2013 16:49

Sorry but I just dont get this level of anger.

The friend said 'I love her like crazy' and then mentioned that she was worried about her health. How is that so bad?

Tabliope · 09/09/2013 16:51

lemon, if you don't get it now you'll never get it so no point in trying to explain it to you. You're missing some kind of higher level feelings of empathy and understanding that most other people on this thread have. You're either that thick skinned or deliberately being obtuse. Either way if you don't understand now you're never going to so I don't think any of us should bother.

squoosh · 09/09/2013 16:52

The friend was taking the piss out of her, bitching dressed up as faux concern. This.has.nothing.to.do.with.Op's.weight.

Nothing.

phantomnamechanger · 09/09/2013 16:53

My gut feeling is that following the initial texting, A would have engineered to have a friendly chat with OP, along the lines of "I don't want to upset you, you know how much I care about you both, but your DP is feeling bad about your weight gain.> Sickly sweet smile, simper simper.

If OP had taken it well and agreed to diet, A would have been all supportive and enabling - cooking up low fat recipes

But if OP was not happy with the news and there was any fall out A would have been all sobbing -wide-eyed-innocent "but you said so, you said she had put on weight and needed to lose it, I was only trying to help"

Cow of the highest order and I hope your DH sees sense.

As an aside -OP, is it usual for him to sleep in the spare room after a misunderstanding/row? DH and I have never done that and I would find it very hurtful that he was sulking/defensive instead of grovelingly apologetic in a case like this.

LondonNinja · 09/09/2013 16:57

The thing is, this could be about OP's hair style, choice of footwear or her selection of earrings.

It's about her friend and her DP belittling her.

phantomnamechanger · 09/09/2013 16:58

lemon - there was NO concern from either of them in the original exchange of texts - it was bitchiness dressed with humour .

Bloody disgraceful from a so called good mate and a should be 100% on your side DP. It would have been bad enough if she had caught either one of them texting like this to someone else. But the fact that it was the 2 of them together, their little secret, their little dig at her behind her back makes it utterly vile.

lemonmuffin · 09/09/2013 16:58

'The friend was taking the piss out of her, bitching dressed up as faux concern'.

But how can you possibly know the concern was fake, You've never met any of these people.

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/09/2013 16:59

The Lols and the pie comments were a clue, no?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 09/09/2013 16:59

Oh please. The whole "I love her but... bunny is a fatty" is NOT genuine concern. How could anyone be stupid enough to think it is? That's like someone saying to you "this is said with love but.... you're an ugly munter" Hmm

phantomnamechanger · 09/09/2013 16:59

Yes Ninja, I was thinking the saem - it could have been a snide dig about hair, a new top, anything. It started off as a snide dig, and A relished the fact that she had got OPs DP on side, agreeing with her, laughing behind OPs back. Their little secret.Vile.

squoosh · 09/09/2013 17:01

'Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...'

'tell her to put down the pies lol!!'

That's not concern, that's making her the butt of a joke.

phantomnamechanger · 09/09/2013 17:03

if you are genuinely concerned, lemon, you don't make jokes about scoffing all the pies with lots of lolling and !! - you try to come up with helpful, sensible suggestions about how the DP could broach the subject sensitively - maybe by taking her away for a surprise spa day or something to make her feel special

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 09/09/2013 17:03

lemon
You only have to look at the friend's response about the OP being "sensitive" to see that it was bitching. If you had expressed concern about a friend's health to their partner and then found out your friend was upset would you
a) Apologise sincerely because you genuinely care about your friend
or
b) Apologise by blaming your friend for being sensitive.

Its not hard to work out that A is not prioritising the OP's feelings.

mrspaddy · 09/09/2013 17:05

Oh dear god... The weight is the smallest issue here..disloyalty, mockery, 'in' jokes between a man and female friend about his partner, lack of respect for the mother of his child, sneakiness....

Then blaming her for it all by being sensitive..

Need I go on...
Who needs a friend like this?

expatinscotland · 09/09/2013 17:07

With friends like these who needs enemies.

She's a Wendy.

Samnella · 09/09/2013 17:07

Yanbu. I would confront them both starting with dh and saving most of your wrath for your friend.

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