So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

[Babybunny88]

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

I agree you need to go to work. Carry on as normal, and speak with him later.

Ugh. Nasty situation. Sorry :(

Be calm. Go to work. Be an adult - don't fuel their ideas about you being sensitive, hysterical, emotional etc.

In your shoes I'd keep A at arms length, be cool, tell her to give you and DP space, don't contact her, rant and rave at her or pay her any attention. That's the best punishment. Make sure she knowr you arent interested in what she has to say.

Tomorrow after work, once dd is asleep, focus on telling your husband exactly and specifically why it was not ok to talk behind your back, and why his subsequent reactions made it worse. Don't argue, just tell him. That gives him an opportunity to apologise and hopefully see your perspective.

A has no place in this until you and DP are sorted. She can wait until you feel like it, but don't talk to her until you and DP are straightened out. It will only confuse things.

I've just read the whole thread. So sorry that you have this to deal with.
As others have said, do not engage with A at all. Not even a quick text back. Just complete silence.

The issue here is between you and your DP. A is not a part of your relationship and does not need to have any part in what happens next with your DP. ANYONE would be hurt by the comments they made, sensitivity doesn't even come into it.
Tell DP that until you receive a genuine apology about the horrible comments he made behind your back then you are not willing to discuss the matter further. Like others have said, he needs to be sorry that HE said those things, not sorry that you happened to be hurt by them.

Again, as others have said, A is not a friend of your relationship. After today I can't see how you can all be friends together again. She seriously undermined you and now needs to back off. She thinks that she's an important factor in your relationship. She's not.

Whether you are comfortable with your DP continuing his friendship with her is up to you, but he needs to realise that if your relationship is going to work from here then this sort of behaviour will not be tolerated again. You and your DD are his priority and he needs to start acting like it. I didn't like the part about him 'not choosing sides' - it should ALWAYS be you!

I hope that you are managing to get some rest with your DD. x

A knows how to push your dp's buttons. She is loving this drama and fallout. Try and give her little satisfaction by continuing to ignore her. Else she will be running to your dp repeating what you said and using it as fuel as to why SHE is so upset. And she will be looking for sympathy for 'poor misunderstood' her from your dp.

You need to explain to him firmly that his loyalty lies with you and your dd first.

YABU you've snooped in his phone which is a breach of privacy IMO. Also whats the issue, you've gone up in weight from a 10 to a 14 so you've gained weight and its been noted by people who know you.

I think A found the thread...

Hello eretrew aka A.

Don't hide away tomorrow. Go in as normal. You will feel better for it.

I showed my husband your original post and he thinks "A" is jealous of you or your relationship in some way.

Either way, I'm still fucking livid (as if its happened to me) and I could easily perform the 'five point palm exploding heart technique' on the bastards!

Yup, if you're not in the baying mob, you must be A.

Ah, "A", nice of you to join us...

limbers up to perform the five point palm exploding heart technique

YABU you've snooped in his phone which is a breach of privacy IMO. Also whats the issue, you've gone up in weight from a 10 to a 14 so you've gained weight and its been noted by people who know you.

Oh well once you put it like that her HUSBAND and exfriend are perfectly entitled to laugh at the OP behind her back.

I think in your situation I would

1. Talk to my DP as soon as he got home, tell him about what you read and how much it upset you.

1. Cut A entirely out of our lives. She is bad news.

^ This. What a cow.

Glad dd has settled down a bit for you now Bunny.

I wouldn't trust A one bit.

Your husband is being a prize twat.

Nothing else to add that hasn't already been said. Stay strong.

Do shut up eretrew.

My heart absolutely goes out to you! To say he is bein an asshole is an understatement but you definitely need to point this out in a calm and controlled way. I have always found that when I get really worked up about something its as if the shutters cone down with DP! Just take some time and write down everything including how he has made you feel, what you think he has done wrong, what he should have done and the support you expect from him in the future. It will keep your thoughta focused and You'll probably find you keep adding to it but that's good, the worst thing is coming away thinking 'i should have said this and I should have said that' reqlly hope you can make your (D)P see yours and everyone elses point of view and you can both move past this, without that bitch A!!

Why should I shut up the OP has been reading texts (which she admits) and then moans about comments about statements about her increase in weight which is a statement of fact as well.

Seriously are you for real???

Eretrew if you are A you don't sound like a particularly good friend at all, op and her partner would do well without you

Yes eretrew you should be quiet as yabu.

Op - big hugs. Your husband should be automatically siding with you.

YABU you've snooped in his phone which is a breach of privacy IMO. Also whats the issue, you've gone up in weight from a 10 to a 14 so you've gained weight and its been noted by people who know you.

Nice. So, obviously, it's the OP's fault for putting on weight while pregnant. She deserves to be gossiped about behind her back by her friend & DH who them minimise & blame her. And clearly, the best way to help her to lose the weight, assuming she wants to & is ready, is to gossip about it behind her back, rather than be supportive & understanding.

Just for the record, I'm being sarcastic. A & the DH are being awful. I sympathise totally with OP, not just because I put on a horrifying amount of weight while pregnant, which I'm still battling.

I do think that she was bu to have looked at the texts but nothingelse. I dont think the comments about weight gain were said because a was concerned at all, they were just bitchy and nasty.