So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

[Babybunny88]

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

You can't take the day off sick. You're not sick. Put the baby to bed, prepare what you are going to say to your husband, get some sleep, say it tomorrow and go to work. Or say it before you go to bed. Make sure you are rested.

It's bad behaviour, but it's not end the marriage behaviour. That would be my view anyway.

Tell him to go and settle the baby, run a nice hot bath, lock the door, take a book and some and/or

Twats, the pair of them.

If he isn't ready to be remorseful then he can make himself useful.

I'm another who is livid on your behalf.

I think howler's right though.
Work is probs best. Do you like your colleagues? You might find their company restorative.

"think carefully before cutting decent long-term relationships - they're not easily replaceable."

You don't have a decent long-term relationship with A.

You know that now.

The last thing anyone needs is someone like that in their life.

Let's hope you never end up replacing her.

The jury's still out on your partner. But he's not really covering himself in glory tonight.

Go to work tomorrow.

You need to calm down and carry on.

Sitting around the house with your DP trying to blame you for how badly he talks about you behind your back is a waste of your time.

Having something to do all day will help.

Be as ice OP. Glacial, factual, composed.

It will get your point across far more effectively and, as a bonus, it is utterly terrifying to those who have wronged you.

What a pair of cunts!
Hope your ok and have managed to settle your dd, do not reply to her, and if she turns up punch her ring the police.
As for your fucking cunt of a dp, tell him to go and sleepon her fucking couch! [Angry]

Hello op have just read all the thread I hope your dd has now settled.

I would have also gone ballistic if I had found a text like that but I think (fwiw) you need to sit down and try and talk to your oh about it. He needs to understand that this isn't you being 'sensitive' that you have been deeply deeply hurt by this.

As for A I would text her and say that you are very upset by this and do not want to see her or speak to her for the foreseeable future. Have also agreed with most of what Hullys said.

Op you have not done anything wrong.

A is not your friend. Your dp needs to understand that he should not be siding with anyone taking tge piss. She completely orchestrated that convo and lead it all. Your dp needs to grow a pair.

I know the "grow up" thing to do is talk, and that might be the right thing tonight with your DP but ime a night sleeping apart is quite therapeutic. It really would depend on whether I felt I could "speak my truth" (well put whoever said that up thread) or whether DP was going to continue being a knob.
And I agree with nkf.

personally I would take the day off tomorrow and go somewhere for the day with dd. get some space.

I would tell dh that he has hurt you, undermined you, laughed about you and humiliated you and that's not a joke at all that's cruel.

when you get home tomorrow see how dh is, he may be more contrite if he is then you have to sort this out.

personally I would never be speaking to her again and tell dh its up to him what he does as regards her but you arnt interested.

if he keeps seeing her and persisting in saying you are at fault and its a joke then you know where you stand pet as he thinks more of her than you.

I hope he makes good choices.

SomethingOnce - okay. The use of the word hysterical might be a tad much. But he has said she's silly, needs a sense of humour and that's she's being over sensitive - the latter, also being used to describe OP by A. They are clearly texting/talking to each other as OP asked him to text A not to come around when he "sauntered in", telling her to answer A as she's really upset and wants to apologise. It's not rocket science to see that the DP and A see things in this situation from the same point of view. To them it was banter, only the person they were joking about was not privy to the conversation, which makes it bitchy. And they've been caught. Whilst DP may have been caught on the hop with A's comments, he's not really covered himself in glory since, hence the low opinion of him. He should be TeamBunny, not justifying A's actions.

Bunny - hope you get a good nights rest if you can. And goto work in the morning. It will give you some space away from the house, keeping busy and some time to yourself. Do not engage either of them. It's up to them to come and apoligise to you, although if it was me, I wouldn't be continuing the friendship with A.

Just summarised this for my DH, who has several close female friends he's known for longer than he's known me. His take was that, for something like this to be said by A, an 'opening' must have been created at some point to make her feel it's okay to discuss you like this. He says if one of his female friends said something similar, he'd put her in her place sharpish. DH also commented that friend A clearly doesn't see OP and her husband as a unit - ie an attack on one is an attack on both. Thought this was interesting and true. Wishing you all the best OP, and hope you manage to get some sleep.

Op I'm sorry. A is a cunt and your dp obviously thinks this'll all be better in the morning. It wont. Make sure he knows this.

he should have picked you. He didn't. He's a twat

Huge huge hugs babybunny.

I'd take the day off tomorrow, get up at the crack of dawn, go out for the day with dd and turn your phone off!!! Let the bastards stew!!!!!!

They are both disgusting. I read the entire thread which I never do. They have acted in a disgusting manner. I would be so hurt.

Try and get some sleep but make you sure you remember these things...

YOU are not over sensitive.

YOU are not to blame for their backstabbing.

YOU have acted with dignity.

THEY have crossed a line

THEY have tried to blame you because they KNOW what they have done was wrong but they lack the courage to admit it.

THEY owe you a serious fucking apology.

Sleep well babybunny. Ill be keeping an eye on your post.
X x x x x

What quickquick and nkf said. Settle this now as a pair of sensible adults with a child, go to bed & go to work tomorrow.

Has she had kids? Sometimes I find that people who haven't are a bit more judgemental about weight gain on new mums. I breastfed both kids and with both of them I gained a fair bit of weight after their births due to my ravenous appetite and less mobility (not going out and about much having to feed babies regularly etc).

Don't cut her off. Yeah, it was mean of her but bring that up with her before you decide to end the friendship.

You've done the best thing decamping to bed with DD it will give you a bit of head space, make sure you turn off your phone to avoid any more texts from A . The fact DP is in the other room tonight will give you time to calm down and think too, so it's a good thing ( might also give him time to mull over his actions !)

I hope you get a good nights sleep and we'll all be here tomorrow when you need to talk about it.

Don't bother trying to talk to him tonight.

If he wanted to sort it out in any way, other than continuing to give you more shit for being upset at what a completely disloyal and bitchy fucker he is, he wouldn't have taken himself off to the spare room.

He's not ready to be an adult about it. So leave him to his ridiculous stropping and talk to him when he realises that this is not you having a tantrum over his completely reasonable behaviour.

Go to work tomorrow. Be cool, calm & collected. Be the adult!

He's taking her side. What a bastard! Says it all really. I would give him the ultimatum to choose between you or her, then you'll know exactly where his locality lies. A is a total effen bitch. I really feel for you X

Oh my dear I hope you're have a nice snuggly doze with your DD. This thread makes me teary I can imagine you feel like your world has been totally pulled out from under you.

I have been through something pretty similar (now an ex but we did get through this drama and were good for years after so hold the reins on thinking this has to be the end).

I found was that exDP really just didn't understand why this was such a trigger for me and it took a long honest chat to really bottom it out. What was really important was that we went to the local park to have the chat - neutral territory away from all relations baggage. Do you have anyone who could mind the wee one? You could be in for a loonngg talk tomorrow.

Oh and YY to going to work tomorrow - it will make you feel normal and more able to approach the situation calmly and rationally.

Hope you're ok x

Hugs to you, good nights sleep and hopefully things will seems better in the morning.

Hello Op. I'm so sorry to read all this. You are right, they are twats.
In all honestly men can be thick about seeing a woman as manipulative.

Never talk to her again, never allow her in your home or near DD. She is a bitch of the highest order.

In case she reads this - A you are a vile, jealous, withered up ugly person. Everyone on Mumsnet who saw this recognised the sort of bitch you are. Your old mucker might not but we do. Crawl off back to your bitch cave.

DH of OP. Man up, your old friend is trying to hurt your wife and be more to you than your wife is to you. WAKE UP!!

what a sod your DH and A is!

A is a cunt. You just couldn't shouldn't trust her. Hope you catch some sleep.

hugs op