So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

[Babybunny88]

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

Do not speak to A tonight at least...

Ditch the bitch! You deserve better.

She has some nerve, she should have been grovelling in her first text well actually she shouldnt have said anything to grovel over and now they're both demanding you speak to her?
he sounds like a spineless twat who must be aesthetically perfect to even dare to judge you!
I can't believe how well you are dealing with the situation! My blood is boiling for you!
I would be making them suffer a whole lot more if it was me!
I hope they apologise properly!
That dick of a husband needs to shape up in future!
P.S sorry for all the !!!!!s i'm just so angry and upset for you

AnyFucker is always a voice worth listening to btw. So I know there's a myriad voices here tonight but do listen to hers in partic (in my humble opinion).

to you OP. only you know how you feel and what you want to do.

If he were any kind of partner or father he damn well would be picking sides ? he'd be be trying to repair the damage to the relationship with the mother of his child, not haranguing you because you won't dance to Arsehat 's tune.

I would continue to ignore her and tell him to get his priorities in order. They call this this banter because they are either too stupid or feel too guilty to use the words cruel, deliberately hurtful or duplicitous.

I also agree with Dobbiesmum.

Do you and your DP have a good relationship OP or does he put you down and criticize you?

She feels guilty..thats why she is doing this.

Guilty because she knows she has done wrong.

When does a supportive thread become one that makes a crap situation worse? Seriously, 'gaslighting, bullying and harassment'? That's quite extreme.

I'm concerned that people are getting a bit too invested and it might not actually help the the OP deal with the problem.

Yes Rooners has the right idea.

"This is not about you, so please do fuck off for now."

I told DP to text her and tell her she better not come round. He said fair enough if I didn't want to sort it out!

Dd was upstairs in her cot squealing I can't get her to settle :( I asked DP could he give her a cuddle while I try and calm down and he said she'll be fine she will go to sleep in a minute then we can talk! No she is not fine she is a baby and needs a hug as she is distressed! So fucking annoyed with him so I have taken dd into our room and am letting her sleep with me. He can sleep in the fucking garden for all
I care. Asshole :(

Agree with AF and others who have said a polite text saying she isn't welcome and you'll speak to her when you're ready, then see if 'D'H is prepared to man up and admit he was in the wrong...

IF she turns up on the doorstep, then IF your DH has any loyalty or decency at all, he will not let her in. That would TOTALLY be disrespectful of how upset you are, and smacks of them ganging up on you.

And I agree with all those who say the only reason she is panicking now is NOT because of how hurt YOU are and how SORRY she is, it's all about her saving face so your DH will not think badly of her.

It stinks.

Partners trump friends. End of.

Really, your DP is being an utter bellshine. I'm livid for you!

He really is a treasure, isn't he?

I think you did the right thing OP.

You don't need to talk about this tonight if you don't want to. Maybe tomorrow he'll understand better just how awful they have been.

Good luck with whatever you decide, babybunny- I hope you manage to calm down and have a peaceful night.

Sorry, cross post! Hope DD settles soon

Good on you, OP. You snuggle up with your dd and leave him to fend for himself.

I am aghast at his lack of concern for how much upset he & A have caused you.

Have you ever previously felt that she was a third wheel in your relationship? I only ask because my ex had a similar friend "J" and their banter about me drove me to depression and extreme anxiety before I eventually left the bastard.

Something once, I think most people read the original post and formed an opinion. Then as they thought about it and read the response from A and Op's DH realised that there was a big problem. OP is possibly feeling the same, her original irritation at reading a text exchange is now been passed as she has been confronted things that she hasn't noticed before and her DH's depth of his relationship with A and lack of regard for her feelings has been exposed.

Missed your update

Hope you and DD have a peaceful night. I also hope the other two have a not so peaceful night.

"He said fair enough if I didn't want to sort it out!"

Why should you have to "sort it out"? You haven't done anything.

You sound so distressed, understandably of course, and I just want to reach through the screen and give you a massive hug. She's such a cunt (I don't use that word often..) and he's no better either. Seriously, you are 1000000 times the woman she will ever be. You don't do that sort of shit to your friends and what's more, she didn't even fucking apologise - just turned it in on you! Please do not let this nasty piece of work get you down. Your 'D'P has an awful lot of grovelling to do.