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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
LumpySpace · 08/09/2013 19:45

Lock the doors, preferably after you've aimed not so "D" P out of it (but that's just me).

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 08/09/2013 19:45

Text 'I will not be speaking to you tonight whatever you choose to do'

AgentZigzag · 08/09/2013 19:46

Neither of them can force you to see her or be OK with this Babybun.

Just keep on ignoring any texts, if she comes round or your DH says he thinks you should see her just tell them you don't want to and keep repeating it.

She really has got an over-inflated idea of how much authority she has over you, thinking she can manipulate you into losing weight as well as forcing you to listen to what else she's got to spout.

HairyGrotter · 08/09/2013 19:46

I'd tell her that if she comes round, my foot will be performing a swift, but elegant and controlled movement in the general direction of her cunt.

LondonNinja · 08/09/2013 19:46

Tell her if she comes to your house you will consider that adding fuel to what she has said, and that if she has any respect for 'her girl' she should do one, or you'll consider it harassment.

Fucking cow.

Blueandwhitelover · 08/09/2013 19:47

Again, she is trying to get the kudos with your DH for sorting it out and will make you look like a loon in doing so, thereby cementing their relationship further.
This needs to stop right now or this will be your life. The two of them giggling about you.
IMO she feels she picked you for him and you fitted the criteria she had for him but she still comes first.
Do not have any conversation with her while you are justifiably upset.

Vivacia · 08/09/2013 19:47

What is your partner saying? I think you need to make it very clear that she's not to step foot inside the house.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 08/09/2013 19:47

I asked before about this but can see now A has referred to her DH. What does he, and has he in the past, made of this friendship of theirs? Does he also get joked about behind his back?

Goodadvice1980 · 08/09/2013 19:47

Who the hell does she think she is! Answer the 'phone or she will come over!

Feck right off. I would be tempted to just answer the door, say feck off and slam it in her face. What a deluded bitch.

AlexReidsLonelyBraincell · 08/09/2013 19:48

I second Anyfucker's post, A is desperately trying to control the situation, try your best to stay calm and measured. I know it's tempting to tell her to fuck off but I wouldn't personally - she could twist that and make you the bad guy.

Wish I could give you a big squeeze right now op, what a horrible day this has turned into for you. Your DH needs to sort his priorities, pronto.

Hope you and dd are ok.

Dobbiesmum · 08/09/2013 19:48

Oops, x posted with everyone else.

LondonNinja · 08/09/2013 19:48

Have held off saying this, but the intimacy between them is really worrying and extremely weird for adults who are with OHs. FFS.

HolidayArmadillo · 08/09/2013 19:48

Has your partner even apologised? You poor thing. I'd go out.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 19:49

I would text just this. "Harassment is illegal and if you come within 5 feet of our home I will call the Police."

eatriskier · 08/09/2013 19:49

give your dp one last chance, tell him he is to inform her she is not under any circumstances to come round. if he doesn't tell him to ftfo.

Blueandwhitelover · 08/09/2013 19:49

and I actually find that text quite threatening.

WafflyVersatile · 08/09/2013 19:49

It would be a busy weekend on mumsnet if suddenly everyone could see what friend A said to friend B about friend C, what sister said to mother about other sister, what wife said to friend about husband etc, etc.

Blueandwhitelover · 08/09/2013 19:50

the one from her, not the one people suggest sending!!!

TeaAndABiscuit · 08/09/2013 19:51

I think 'your friend' is worried she is losing control (which she is as you've stood up to her). I don't think you should engage with her at all.
I wonder what her husband/partner thinks of her chats with your hubby?

Buzzardbird · 08/09/2013 19:51

She is making this all about her. Do not allow this cow to upset your dd anymore. If your spineless dh wants to talk to her then he can as long as he is backing you up or leaving.
I feel sorry that your support is a bunch of strangers on mn and not the people who are supposed to love you. Your dd would want you to stand up for yourself.
I would also let them both see this thread as they are obviously trying to make you think it is all in your head...twats.

AllThatGlistens · 08/09/2013 19:51

Point is though Waffly, the OP did, and instead of backing her up, her husband defended it, and has continued to be more concerned about his friends feelings than those of his wife.

Saffyz · 08/09/2013 19:52

Do not have any conversation with her while you are justifiably upset.

Agree. She'll paint herself as the calm, reasonable one when she's anything but.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 08/09/2013 19:52

"Do not come round, I'm busy. Stop harrassing me." Is probably the best answer.

cheeky cunt.

Dobbiesmum · 08/09/2013 19:52

I'm no expert but this is fast descending into Gaslighting isn't it? Not to mention bullying and harassment..

Blueandwhitelover · 08/09/2013 19:54

I agree with Dobbiesmum!