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AIBU?

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 19:42

Tell her your daughter is in bed and to stop being so selfish!!

Celadorthepinksequineddragon · 08/09/2013 19:42

Ignore & don't answer the door. You need space tonight.

If you decide to speak to her it has to be on your terms. Don't let DP let her in either.

minouminou · 08/09/2013 19:42

Whoa!
Call her bluff, and if she does turn up, give the mental cockpocket 30 seconds to shit off before you call the police.

quoteunquote · 08/09/2013 19:42

This person A is not your friend,

your husband should no join in with making fun of you,

I would have nothing more to do with A she will continue to undermine your relationship, she certainly is enjoying having power over it.

Explain to your husband you no longer want her in your life in anyway or form, he can work out how to explain it to her.

SomethingOnce · 08/09/2013 19:42

I thought OP said they were friends before she was introduced to her DP.

BOF · 08/09/2013 19:42

Or can you go and stay at your mum's?

Rooners · 08/09/2013 19:42

I think at this point you text her back and say ;this is not about you. Please leave me alone to sort this out with my husband and put my child to bed. If you arrive here tonight you will not be welcome. Goodnight.

Hullygully · 08/09/2013 19:43

Text her saying that you need some space to think about things and you will contact her when you are ready.

She has no right to force the issue with you

You have to play the grown up because they are like children whose mummy is angry with them.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 08/09/2013 19:43

She is desperately seeking to regain control of the situation after 7+ years of feeling like she's top dog with your man. She's panicking.

Vivacia · 08/09/2013 19:43

Who does she think she is?

Rooners · 08/09/2013 19:43

I don't think OP should go out, the dd is already upset and she needs to be left alone in her own house fgs.

A has got no fucking boundaries.

HowlerMonkey · 08/09/2013 19:43

'I don't want to talk to you. Fuck off.'

Send!

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 19:43

Just tell her she isn't welcome at your house anymore.

quietbatperson · 08/09/2013 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piratecat · 08/09/2013 19:44

she's a bossy bitch isn't she.

oh dear, she's losing 'face'.

let her.

do not speak to her, and don't let your 'dh' make you feel bad either.

AllThatGlistens · 08/09/2013 19:44

Completely agree Somewhere, she's def panicking and desperately trying to regain control. DO NOT LET HER! Just gobsmacked at the audacity of her.

LondonNinja · 08/09/2013 19:44

She has no boundaries and DP has no idea or, seemingly, desire, to enforce any!!

AnyFucker · 08/09/2013 19:44

Now you have to text her, love

Tell her that if she is the friend she thinks she is that leaving you alone is the best policy right now.

Doesn't let her off the hook but makes it plain she is unwelcome at your door

RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown · 08/09/2013 19:44

God, she really wants the control back doesn't she! Ignore her, OP!

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 08/09/2013 19:45

Tell your 'D'P you're going to have a bath and that if he lets her into the house there will be big trouble.

Hullygully · 08/09/2013 19:45

You will probably have to tell dh that the friendship with A is untenable, but not yet. Let the dust settle. He won't care that much once things are calmer, easy road etc

BOF · 08/09/2013 19:45

Yes Rooners, you're right actually.

Oh, I can't believe the cheek of the woman.

CooCoolite · 08/09/2013 19:45

She's coming round?? How fucking superior is that, clearly not getting that you obviously don't want to speak to her, why on earth does she think that you'll put up with seeing her! Is she after a bun fight?

Agree with whoever said she clearly feels she has a place in your relationship. I wonder whether her own DP thinks this is acceptable behaviour.....

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 08/09/2013 19:45

They wont change their opinions on this subject coz we all think they should so no, not much point in showing them the thead. However it can be very cleansing for the soul to imagine in your head (or the screen in front of you!) all the ways you could potentially tell some knobber to jog on Grin

Honestly OP although I wrote my own little reply earlier I do think the best thing you can do is doing what you are already. Ignoring her. This is no longer about her, in any sense. It's about your relationship with your socalled DP and she is NOT part of that, you are not a weirdo threesome, no matter what she or he thinks. She is so unimportant in fact it's best to not give her head space, although it's hard.

Dobbiesmum · 08/09/2013 19:45

They haven't had 7 years to readjust though have they? Both of then clearly thought that Babybunny would fit nicely into the 'woman' pigeonhole that they created and they could carry on exactly as before. It's only now 7 years down the line that it's gone tits up for them and they're having to face the fact that the cosy friendship has to change, otherwise they will lose face.