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AIBU?

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 08/09/2013 19:21

I'm sorry they are both being so horrible.

She was not joking - no way. You know that, we know that - DP knows that.

She is no friend of yours or your 'relationship'.

Her 'apology' - little bitch.

Not sure if she 'wants' your DP or not, but she sure as hell doesn't want the pair of you to be happy together, her AIM was to come between you and put you down. I suspect your entire friendship with her has always been 'fake' and entirely to keep your DP where she likes him.

I would not speak to her again.

DP - needs to have the wool removed from his eyes - PDQ.

The initial conversation - he should have told her not to be so rude, that you are perfect how you are. That you like salad just fine thank you and that carrying his child was bound to change your body a little bit and that he loves it how it is.

Telling you that if you minded your own business you wouldn't be upset??? How about if he acted like a MAN and not a boy, you wouldn't be upset.

Telling you to talk to her because she is upset?

I wouldn't want to be with such a git. Sorry.

runes · 08/09/2013 19:21

Text her back 'Sorry, I forget how bitchy you are sometimes lol'.

Retroformica · 08/09/2013 19:22

Ok will read entire 15 pages! Hadn't realised there was more to it

acer12 · 08/09/2013 19:22

Wow! Just read the whole thread, not some thing I do often if its as big as this but what fantastic support for op!

OP I'm [shocked] at your dp behaviour . Friend A needs to exit your relationship. What she did was nasty and it obviously wasnt the first time.

I think dp and 'friend A' are closer emotionally than was thought.

'Friend' A is cunt and thinks she is closer to your husband than you are, but I think dp actually has a bigger problem as he is putting you both on par with each other but also putting her first.

They are both fucking out off order .
Flowers to you and dd xxxxx

EverybodysStressyEyed · 08/09/2013 19:22

Retro - op has said that she has never noticed this sense of humour in the seven years she's known her. Which suggest it is a sense of humour she saves for her dp. And op is the butt of it.

As said upthread, if she doesn't think he did anything wrong why is she so upset. If you answer the phone she is going to pile a load I blame on your shoulders

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 08/09/2013 19:23

Did you say that A set the two of you up, OP? Sheds a disturbing light on the whole relationship I'm afraid. Hmm

Wishing you great strength. You are awesome. Stay strong.

SinisterSal · 08/09/2013 19:23

You should say

'it's not banter when it's behind your back, with your husband, about your baby weight. I mean, come on A. I shouldn't have to explain this. I'm concerned about you.'

And 30 seconds later

'Oh yeah, I forgot. LOL!!!!!'

Saffyz · 08/09/2013 19:24

If A had your "best interests at heart" then she would talk to you face to face if she really needed to tell you something important.

You are not being over sensitive and it's not a "joke" when someone criticises you behind your back and suggests agreeing to keep it a secret from you.

BOF · 08/09/2013 19:24

Tempting though it is to text her something suitably withering, I think that radio silence is best. Let her stew. She will only start flapping her gob about how unreasonable you are if you engage with her.

waltermittymissus · 08/09/2013 19:24

YY send her a link to the thread.

But send it to that prick you're tolerating too.

If you do send it:

A how sad your little life must be to have to undermine this man's partner and mother of his child, all so you can have your 'speshul' relationship with him. She's not over sensitive you horror, you just have the sensitivity of a sledgehammer. Also, seriously? With the lols and kisses? Are you an actual adult or a selfie-taking teen with an attitude problem? Do one.

DP you're an absolute cock. She's gained weight having YOUR FUCKING BABY YOU WANKER. Banter is not banter when you're being a two-faced, bitchy little knob rot about your own partner. I hope she dumps you. And you had to run and tell your 'sister'? You're either really fucking weird or really fucking sad. Either way, a catch you are not.

Saffyz · 08/09/2013 19:25

I think she is trying to stir things up deliberately.

LondonNinja · 08/09/2013 19:25

Retro - read it and join our posse of MNers who wish to serve his 'sister' his curried balls. Oh. Wait. He has none.

OP, I hope you've taken yourself off, or kicked him out to have a little think...

nkf · 08/09/2013 19:26

Oh stop with the show her this thread stuff. As if anyone would do that.

LayMizzRarb · 08/09/2013 19:28

Wow! What a bitch she is. The whole exchange of texts was engineered so she could bring up the subject of your weight. If your DP can't see through the transparency...
If I were you, I would cut her off completely. I would not feel comfortable in her company knowing anything I said or did is likely to be analysed by the pair of them.
And I would be very tempted to reply to his pleas to contact her because she was upset : well go and bloody comfort her then.
You deserve much better treatment OP. your DP should be bending over backwards to support you. Is A with a DP? What do they think I wonder?
Print out this thread and hand it to him...

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 19:28

I would.

Hullygully · 08/09/2013 19:28

don't get too carried away with all this

she is used to prior claim and he is used to her

neither of them hate you

they just have to readjust.

scallopsrgreat · 08/09/2013 19:28

I have nothing but sympathy for you OP. What a horrible thing to find out Sad. It wasn't funny. It was never intended to be funny for you (clearly for them it was though Hmm). Your 'D'Ps response was shoddy. The whole 'where's your sense of humour' comeback coupled with you being 'too sensitive' and 'sorry you are hurt by this'. These are the bastion of those who know they have offended but refuse to acknowledge or apologise. Sorry if you are hurt by this is not an apology. It puts the blame on you. They are wrong wrong wrong.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 08/09/2013 19:30

The wrath of Mumsnet is awesome to behold.

FobblyWoof · 08/09/2013 19:30

I have nothing to add but I feel aeful for you OP

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/09/2013 19:31

I would be angry with them both.

Putting on my psychologist hat I would say that she feels superior to you, and possibly always has, but this is the first time it's been brought to your attention. I think she feels her 'friend/sister' status is more important than your 'wife' status. Maybe because she introduced you and dh, and because she has known him longer, she thinks she has the right to talk about you, behind your back, to you husband like this. Angry

He has quite clearly, not only in engaged in this "banter" with her (and possibly done so previously as the texts are deleted) but has now warned her that you know, and appears to sticking up for her. Not nice.

I'm so sorry - what a horrible thing for them both to do to you. Sad

Have some time on your own if you can- just you and your dd.

squoosh · 08/09/2013 19:31

The OP has been with her partner for 7 years. Just how much time do he and the cowbag need to readjust? Hmm

QueenofallIsee · 08/09/2013 19:31

I for one would like 5 mins i for a room with the little bitch...we'd see whose girl she was then.

ivykaty44 · 08/09/2013 19:31

talking about you behind your back is a mean and nasty thing to do. Often with people that do this it is to make themselves feel better, they liek to have their little secrets and it is one up man ship.

I would feel betrayed by this person who seems to be trying to come between husband and wife - which is seriously out of order - if there are secrets to be had it is between husband and wife not a so called friend and one of the spouses.

it has nothing to do with your weight, this is a bitching session and it could be about the colour of your hair or an annoying habit and next time it possibly will be about something else. yes there will be a next time unless you sort this out now.

get it out in the open with both of them together - invite her round for a coffee or something and just let them both know you don't want them talking about you behind your back, invite her husband as well so he is fully in the picture of why you will decline further invites for curry nights - otherwise she will make a load of lies up to him to make you out to be a basket case

PrivateBenjamin · 08/09/2013 19:31

I am gobsmacked! A is a fucking nasty cunt and your DP is a spineless arsehole.

Yy to throwing him out. How dare they have this special relationship where you play the 'oversensitive' second fiddle?!

Yonionekanobe · 08/09/2013 19:32

I completely agree with BOF. Let her swear. Don't speak or text. I'd concentrate on getting your DD settled for the night, then try and address the situation with your DP. Tell him plainly why his behaviour is so hurtful and why, in actual fact, he should take sides - yours.

His response to her text should have been, she's had a baby, looks even more fabulous than she did the day we met and is the most beautiful woman on the planet. Or similar, followed by 'please do bit disrespect baby bunny in this way again'. He sounds spineless in his responses and subsequent actions I'm afraid.

💐

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