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AIBU?

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
Leverette · 08/09/2013 19:07

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MissStrawberry · 08/09/2013 19:07

It is suddenly all about her. Why is she upset? I thought she hadn't done anything wrong. She just wants you back in your place and I was going to say your p back in her buy he never left did he?

Jengnr · 08/09/2013 19:08

She's a bitch and a fucking idiot frankly. Lol.

He is a disloyal cunt as well.

Not exactly behaving like someone who loves you more than anything is he? The fucking gobshite!

Don't talk to him until he can apologise and don't talk to her full stop. Although if it were me I don't think I could forgive.

whatever5 · 08/09/2013 19:10

Men sometimes joke about each other's weight but it's not something women do. Your DP doesn't seem to know much about women.

SoldAtAuction · 08/09/2013 19:10

Wow, your fella really needs to fix his shit!
He should know where his loyalties lie.

eatriskier · 08/09/2013 19:10

BTW, I have very close friends I've known since I was 13. some of them can be twats, however if any of them said something like that about my dh I'd tell them to fuck off. and I'd expect them to say the same should I ever say anything about their ohs

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 08/09/2013 19:11

The more I hear about this cunt "friend" the more I intensely dislike her.

Does she have many female friends? Or she in the "I'm mates with loads of blokes but not girls coz they just dont get me/girls are such bitches" camp? Only ask coz women like that should be avoided at all costs. Other women avoid them because they're poison and men dont because they're either too dense to realise how nasty they are or incase they can get their leg over at some point. Not saying your DP want so shag her, but more that he's dense. Which isnt really any better now I think about it Hmm

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 08/09/2013 19:12

This may have been covered but does she have a partner? What does he make of this 'banter'?

MutantAndProud · 08/09/2013 19:12

I wish there was stronger word than cunt to use because cunt is too nice a word to describe 'A' and NotsoDP.

Fuckingbastardtwattycuntholeswithgonorrhoeaforbrains.

Nope, still doesn't even come close.

KookyKitty · 08/09/2013 19:13

I agree with whoever said that her ringing is to gain control of the situation, it is NOT out if concern for you.

She sounds like an emotionally immature bitch.

FannyMcNally · 08/09/2013 19:13

Some men don't seem to realise that THEY are the ones that need to make their partners feel better. That's what being a partner is all about. His first thought was to find someone else to do that. Hence A having to do the apologising and him thinking that op WANTED that. GAH!

nkf · 08/09/2013 19:14

What a mean-spirited conversation. Really feel for you.

Nombrechanger · 08/09/2013 19:14

Honestly, I couldn't be in the same house. I would tell him to get out tonight. He is completely out of order defending that Cunting piece of cunt.

He needs to realise that they're both wrong and fucking nasty.

God, I'm livid on your behalf. LIVID.

Hullygully · 08/09/2013 19:16

Outrage is all very well, but, if you actually want to make headway, you need to make him understand what the problem is. He has had a r'ship with A since they were 13, she is used to throwing out little things to indicate she has first claim, he is used to equivocating.

He probably (at the mo) does think you are overreacting etc, because to him, he is married to you, and this convo with A is par for the course.

To get him to understand is going to take a lot of restrained and mature explanation...

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 08/09/2013 19:16

Yeah she hasnt rang you to apologise genuinely, she's ringing to be the better person in your DP's eyes so he will believe that she's now the injured party.

DownstairsMixUp · 08/09/2013 19:16

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 19:17

Let's get up a MN posse, head round to bitchcunts and pelt her with her marvellous curry till she cries.

Retroformica · 08/09/2013 19:19

I know everyone's says she's a bitch but I have a friend Who tends to be quite frank and jokey/cheeky and caring at the same time. She would use that sort of language with no malice intended, only care. I think you are the best judge of your friends intentions. Maybe she has been worrying about your weight for a while?

I think I would text DH and friend and say 'ive just accidentally read your convo. Actually I do like salad. Feeling hurt by what I've read' .

Hullygully · 08/09/2013 19:19

She's ringing because she's panicking. They are both used to their "special" r'ship. They are going to have to get unused to it.

CatsWearingTutus · 08/09/2013 19:19

At first I was in the camp who thought your DP's behaviour wasn't so bad but now the fact that he doesn't pick you over her has me raging at him on your behalf. Perhaps he's just in shock and handling it badly- let's hope so. And I highly doubt there is anything romantic between them because if they were compatible that way then surely they'd have given it a go before now considering how long they've known each other.

Don't answer the phone now, let her stew and consider your options. But she's definitely no friend of yours, and never give in and forget that!

QueenofallIsee · 08/09/2013 19:20

I am so bloody angry for you OP that i am being snippy with my own DP due to his maleness. You are NOT being over sensitive. your friend and p are utter twats and you deserve better.

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 19:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blueandwhitelover · 08/09/2013 19:20

She wants to be the one to fix the problem and gain thanks and kudos from your DP.
Clearly she wants to be first with him. He is allowing her to be by not defending you.

BOF · 08/09/2013 19:21

Agree with Hully.

But for now, yes, get out of the house and then retreat to a bath. I couldn't look at him, much less speak to him tonight.

nkf · 08/09/2013 19:21

Tell her you're not her girl and you didn't like the text exchange at all. Not one little bit. And you think her apology is rubbish. And tell him that you think he shouldn't gossip (men hate being told they're gossiping) and you want a proper apology from him. Don't get drawn into the sense of humour stuff. They wouldn't say it to your face. You didn't find it funny and he looks like a carping little gossiping toe rag. Stay angry. Don't let them talk you out of it. And tell her to fuck off.