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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
MrsBungle · 08/09/2013 18:50

X-post. So sorry for you op. don't answer her, you don't need to talk to her.

HairyGrotter · 08/09/2013 18:51

Do not engage with either of them, get you and DD comfortable, have a long look at how gorgeous she is.

What a shower of cunts they are! I'm literally 'arghing' for you over this. Your DP is despicable, as vile as her!

Afroturf · 08/09/2013 18:51

Two words...."fuck off" then block her number.

What a bitch.

As for your DP, it probably won't make you feel better if I can him names but IMO he's just as bad.

Sad for you, OP. You sound lovely. Them, not so much.

TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 08/09/2013 18:51

Hey, if it's just 'banter' and you being 'sensitive' what the fuck has A got to be upset about?Hmm

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 08/09/2013 18:51

Ohh don't you dare feel guilty, flower! You are not responsible for this situation. your DP should be grovelling right now, not emotionally blackmailing you because A is upset!

LondonNinja · 08/09/2013 18:52

Your H is behaving APPALLINGLY.

Does he realise that wife trumps friend? Or should?

NutritiousAndDelicious · 08/09/2013 18:52

Send a link to this thread.

Banter is used by passive aggressive cunts who need to feel supiror. And blaming you for being too sensitive is the cowards way out. An adult would say 'I am sorry, I crossed a line and it will not happen again' and adjust their behaviour accordingly.

Lol? Love you like crazy? my girl? How old is she 12?

AgentZigzag · 08/09/2013 18:52

If he's genuinely sorry there would be no 'buts', and piling on how upset she fucking is??

That is him picking a side.

Aww, don't feel guilty over your DD, you haven't done anything.

RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown · 08/09/2013 18:52

She's really upset?! She's really upset?? And you're sat sobbing while he says this? Oh, bunny what a knob :( Stand your ground and don't give in to A's manipulation of the situation. What an absolute cow.

MrsBungle · 08/09/2013 18:53

As hard as it is, I think you should go with dd to another room, try to calm down. Don't engage with him. You poor thing.

serengetty · 08/09/2013 18:53

No excuse for what they've done. Look after yourself and DD and do not engage with either.

KatieScarlett2833 · 08/09/2013 18:53

Oi Babybunnys not so DP

You have devastated the mother of your child. You then added insult to injury by not owning your fuck up. Your sister is a shit stirring bitch who is no friend to your relationship. And as for your weasel non-apology and insistence on Babybunny pandering to the cow.... go and fuck off to the far side of fuck and have a serious think about where your loyalty should lie.
And here's a hint, stupid. NOT with your so called mate.

ChasedByBees · 08/09/2013 18:53

Wait, so it had nothing to do with concern, it was just banter? They were effectively just taking the piss out of you then? Arseholes.

Littlegreyauditor · 08/09/2013 18:54

Is there anywhere you could go OP? D you have family nearby? You need some space for yourself and that fuck knuckle needs a little time to appreciate the gravity of his choices.

To treat your wife and mother of your child like that is unacceptable and he needs to sort himself out.

A does not deserve oxygen. Why should you let her speak to you, so that she feels better, so that her upset is lessened? When her response to your upset was so insulting? Ha. Bitch got caught and can take her oil.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 08/09/2013 18:54

This manic repeated phoning is her attempt to gain control of the situation. She did NOT expect this. She will now try to regain her authority over you in every way possible and it will drive her crazy if you don't respond.
Meantime, your DP - until he realises what a little shit he has been, and fesses up to all the previous badmouthing 'jokes' that quite clearly have happened, I'd boot him out. He doesn't seem to get what's going on here. He seems frankly deluded about her role in your relationship.

givemestrengthorlove · 08/09/2013 18:54

Stick to your guns OP. don't answer her calls . Simply tell dh his loyalties are all wrong and from now on this has to change. Couples friendship and dinners with grade A bitch now over .

Dd will be fine.

Brew
MrsBungle · 08/09/2013 18:54

Do you have a good rl friend you can call to chat with once dd is in bed?

Vivacia · 08/09/2013 18:54

Don't dance to her tune.

I feel so sad and angry for you, just want to give you a big hug.

Writerwannabe83 · 08/09/2013 18:55

You are doing the right thing by ignoring her bunny

Dry your tears and take you and your gorgeous daughter out somewhere, even if it is just for a walk to clear your head. Don't feel guilty about anything, they're the ones who need to be feeling like crap, not you x x

Dobbiesmum · 08/09/2013 18:55

Get both of you (you and baby) out for some fresh air for a while and block A's number. A grouchy baby at this time in the evening is not conducive to a peaceful night!
Tell DH that he is not to phone you, that you want some time to yourself and that you are disappointed in him and he's not the man you thought he was.
Use the time to calm yourself and get angry so you can deal with this coldly and calmly.
Flowers for you but at least A has shown her true colours to you. She can't be trusted an inch and is toxic.

Celadorthepinksequineddragon · 08/09/2013 18:55

His reply was that he wasn't picking anybody over anyone

Well that's ok then, God forbid he would prioritise his partner and the mother of his child!

Please don't bow to the emotional pressure, they are in the wrong not you Flowers.

Capitola · 08/09/2013 18:56

Your dp is being unbelievable now. Just who does his loyalty lie with?

I would text the (ex) friend with 'don't call me, don't text me - ever again'

SunshineSuperNova · 08/09/2013 18:56

I'm shocked that he's prioritising his 'sister's' feelings over yours OP. :(

Flowers
AnyFucker · 08/09/2013 18:56

I am usually in the "keep quiet and maintain your dignity" camp, but not in this case

Some great replies above to that text

Don't let your annoyance with her though make you lose sight of the fact that your partner needs his head taking cleanly off too. Bad enough he shared this "banter" with her, bit to go running straight to her when you pulled him up is a fucking shitty thing to do

I hope he did it so you would get a genuine apology from her. Then she fucked it up. Have you shown him her text...is he at least in agreement that it has actually made the situation worse ?

burberryqueen · 08/09/2013 18:56

put the baby in the buggy and go for a walk for 30 mins, good idea.
continue to ignore her calls or texts.
try to get some headspace.

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