Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

999 replies

Babybunny88 · 08/09/2013 16:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more weight...lol...

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? :(

OP posts:
SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter · 08/09/2013 18:29

"I don't know how to respond."

I'd tell her to take her head for a shit because it appears to be full of crap. Alternatively, text her the link to this thread.

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 08/09/2013 18:29

"I forget how sensitive you are sometimes"

That's exactly what the girl who bullied me at school used to say when I cried. When I hear it these days it gives me THE RAGE.

Don' say anything to her. Don't Ben reply. She is enjoying the drama and has probably been laying the groundwork for this for ages. Don't give her the satisfaction, just wipe her out of your life.

eatriskier · 08/09/2013 18:29

how about:
banter is only banter if the person is involved and OK with it, what you're doing is being a class a bitch. go fuck yourself

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 08/09/2013 18:29

*EVEN reply. Not Ben. FFS.

BeanandGone · 08/09/2013 18:29

'forget how sensitive you are some times lol!!'

Oh my goodness!! This woman is really a piece of work and thinks she is something special. What a patronising text. Who does she think she is? Does she think she owns your marriage because she introduced you? Who is she? She needs telling about herself, crikey! She must be living in a bubble of me me me!!

I think i would probably, at this point, repress all my absolute fury and rage and .....umm (struggling to repress fury and rage..and it isn't even me!)

Send them both this thread. Immediately. then sit back and see what happens.

Please do OP!

Elsiequadrille · 08/09/2013 18:29

What Balloonslayer said sounds good. I wouldn't mince words with her.

Goodadvice1980 · 08/09/2013 18:30

Sorry OP, but feck off would be the only response I would send to her in response to that text.

What a toxic pair of sh*ts they are! She is laughing at you behind your back, but she is being enabled by him.

BigBoobiedBertha · 08/09/2013 18:30

A is a grade A bitch and her DP has seriously cocked up with his excuses, but I can't help wondering what he would have texted back had the OP not seen this conversation first.

I think that he seemed awkward about the conversation with A and his next text might well have been to shut the conversation down. We'll never know now, I know but 'are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!' doesn't sound to me like he liked the joke and was, in a very cack-handed way trying to tell A that the OP would be upset whilst maintaining the jokey 'mates' façade.

However, having been caught on the hop by the OP, he hasn't come across very well. Not a LTB moment but certainly time for some straight talking.

Show him the thread OP. He will see it wasn't much of a 'joke' when he sees the rest of us think he messed up too.

KoalaFace · 08/09/2013 18:30

Oh she's horrible! That text is all geared towards making you feel over sensitive and without a sense of humour. But please please please don't let her and your 'D'P make you feel like you are being silly.

They are being awful. And if your 'D'P doesn't realise that what he said was hurtful then I would be looking at how loyal and caring he is to you overall.

LondonNinja · 08/09/2013 18:30

Send her this thread. As a joke. LOL.

missmargot · 08/09/2013 18:30

How dare she try and blame this on you for being sensitive?! Fuming on your behalf.

I would respond with something along the lines of "a real friend wouldn't have 'bantered' over something so personal with my husband and they certainly wouldn't have then tried to blame me for being sensitive. What you wrote was cruel and hurtful and you need to recognise that and sincerely apologise before I can even consider us having a friendship in the future"

Hullygully · 08/09/2013 18:30

I'd say:

"No, I don't know that. I'm too busy being really hurt and upset at the messages passed between my friend and my husband about my weight. I am surprised you can't understand how hurtful it is to see the two of you "joking" about my size behind my back. I don't call that "loving like crazy." "

TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 08/09/2013 18:30

Fuck off would cover it I think. But I can see how difficult a position your H and A have put you in. Maybe better with a response along the lines of the fact you are not over sensitive, A and your H are clearly insensitive, and compounding that by dismissing your genuine hurt feelings. Instead of ganging up on you to make themselves seem like the victims of your 'sensitivity' how about they both take a good long hard look at what they wrote, and both of their reactions, and explain how them being nasty arseholes gets turned round into you being 'sensitive' or lacking a sense of humour.

Pixieonthemoor · 08/09/2013 18:31

DP: just banter/no sense of humour/only joking
A: forget how sensitive you are
Shock
They have both behaved appallingly and should not be trying to justify themselves by shifting the blame onto you.

How about this for a response:
I have put on weight and you are a grade A bitch. BUT I have just had a baby. What's your excuse?

SomewhereBeyondTheSea · 08/09/2013 18:31

The girl who bullies me was a "friend" too btw. She massively undermined me at every opportunity.

mrstigs · 08/09/2013 18:31

Oh she can fuck right off palming the blame on you. You arnt upset because you are 'sensitive' you are as upset because your husband is a spineless twat and your mate is a backstabbing viper who likes to make personal and hurtful comments about you as a 'joke'.
The fact that every woman here is saying they would be angry and gutted too means something op. Don't let them mind fuck you.

burberryqueen · 08/09/2013 18:31

Grin show her the wrath of mumsnet

BigBoobiedBertha · 08/09/2013 18:32

Apologies, weirdly the latest instalment from the OP didn't show up when I started writing my post so it is way out of date now. Blush

A is a patronising, sneery bitch.

LondonNinja · 08/09/2013 18:32

This really has got me annoyed. How dare she? What an ugly person she is. Your DH needs to step the fuck up, actually.

MrsDeVere · 08/09/2013 18:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Piffpaffpoff · 08/09/2013 18:34

I'm not normally direct, but that text would get a reply of 'fuck off' from me. No hesitation.

MissStrawberry · 08/09/2013 18:34

So your partner says you are lacking in a sense of humour and it is your own fault you are upset as you shouldn't have looked at his phone.

She puts you down by saying you are too sensitive "lol" and comes over all teenage by saying you are her girl Hmm.

HowlerMonkey · 08/09/2013 18:35

I don't know - whilst I usually am over-wordy in my discussions, a good firm 'Fuck off' would fit the bill nicely here IMO.

She's only going to take it as proof of your sensitivity anyway, you might as well have a good swear Grin

Ezio · 08/09/2013 18:35

I would reply:

Please dont text me again, your obviously not a friend, at the way you backhandedly slagged me off, and claim its a joke, its not funny when not everyone is laughing, we are no longer friends, until you are decent enough to actually make an apology that doesnt sound like your blaming me.

AllThatGlistens · 08/09/2013 18:35

Oh wow she's a prize arsehole!

I'd simply respond, "Actually, I simply hadn't realised how inappropriate and immature you are. Do not contact me again, I prefer to maintain my friendships with adults."

What a wanker your husband is being! Shock