to consider a fussy diet as a big against for a potential new love

[glitternanny]

and I mean seriously restricted 2:

Proteins, one carbohydrate and the same lunch everyday.

My DS can't even stomach more than one type of food on his plate at any one time. Feeding him is exhausting and an on-going process.

Perhaps those who can't tolerate people with restricted diets may take some comfort from the fact that we are likely to have children who are even worse than us? I was the weirdest person I knew r.e food until I had DS so I have more than an inkling of what I put my parents through!

This is also true r.e sleep. My Mum thought I was a bad sleeper but DS is something else and hasn't slept through in six years.

Actually zzzz I have found from experience (family members including my children and best friends- one an ethical vegan, one with celiac disease) that people with 'actual' food issues are usually very upfront at mentioning them because they have to make sure they get the diet they need.

They're also very good at finding food they can eat in all situations.

There is a difference between serious food issues and people who are over fussy to the point where it affects everyone else.

'actual' food issues?

zzzzz mentioned people with ASD, not coeliac or vegans.

As for being upfront about mentioning these 'actual' food issues, that may be problematic for people who have autism.

But I think your post is implying that they don't have real food issues, they are just over fussy,.

Lots of people are overfussy. This place, you can't say anything without it being hijacked. Sure, some people with special needs have food issues. That doesn't mean that all people with food issues have special needs. And it certainly shouldn't mean that we aren't allowed to mention it just in case it might possibly somehow pertain to Sn, even when its been specifically said that thats not what people are talking about.
Really pisses me off.I have a child with a lot of additional needs, it doesn't mean I can mouth off about everything that can possibly maybe tangentially pertain to that.

It can be very frustrating to have a partner who is a fussy eater, you're limited in the restaurants you can go to (if any), it's embarrassing and annoying to have them rudely pick apart all the foods they don't eat at other peoples homes, if you move in together they'll cost you more money, work and time because you'll have to buy special foods they'll eat and cook separate meals or find yourself restricted to their diet, they're torture to eat with because they have no genuine appreciation for food and it's irritating when every meal and social outing has to be structured around what they'll eat.

Dp is a fussy eater, it drives me nuts

Unless this potential has some serious plus points to counter the stress and annoyance their fussiness causes, then it's probably better to avoid.

Friday16

Sorry, been Busy with bloody RL, but no, everyone walks on eggshells so as not To upset her except me because I'm bloody bolshie

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly makes a good point.

Mrsdavidbowie - the squash alone for me too. Couldn't take that seriously!

I have absolutely no problems with being friends with people who have a restricted diet, after all it's very unlikely that the friendship would involve much eating if it was a significant issue. Many of my friends I've known for a long time before I found out that they had food issues. I wouldn't judge their character by what they ate either.

I have a friend at work who always has the same plain sandwich, can of pop and pot of pudding every day for lunch. I couldn't care less. I'm also not bothered about going out to restaurants with fussy people unless they make a song and dance about it, or insist on going somewhere incredibly boring. People generally eat different meals at restaurants, so no impact on anyone else.

But choosing your life partner is different, and if you are incompatible about something that happens several times every single day then that is a big issue. To me food is both fuel and a necessity (and sometimes cooking is a boring task) and also a way I show love to friends and family, a way to be creative, to have fun, to try new and interesting things.

Tonight we went around to a friends house to meet up with some other families. We all brought some food and had a delicious sociable meal. If I had a partner that couldn't cope with that sort of event my life would be much poorer.

Wow, I am really surprised at one or two responses here. I am a fussy eater but I would be gutted if i thought it meant my friends would ditch me! I still go to restaurants, just pick something that I like, usually considered boring by others, but it isn't them that is being asked to eat it, so why would, it matter?

^^Consider the fact that people have different expectations of a prospective husband than a friend. Like for example, you may run from a very messy man, but find it fine in a friend because you'll never share quarters.

I don't think food has been fetishized (!); like any consumer products, it's just evolving. If this is true, then certainly TV's have also been fetishized - have you been to a Curry's lately?

My husband and I will both eat almost anything. We often swap at restaurants half-way through. It's a big part of our life together, but maybe that's a symptom of an empty life - I don't care.

Squash - no way. That's not a drink for adults!

Gosh I am really surprised by a lot of the attitudes on here!

I love food, and don't mind trying new stuff, but don't expect others to be like me, whatever their reasons.

Friends are fine, you don't eat out often with them so it doesn't bother me.
A partner is completely different. I cook, I experiment, and it would drive me batty if I was controlled by what they wouldn't eat. Eating out would not be a pleasure if you had to fuss about what was on,or not on, a menu and going to friend's houses would be embarrassing.
Medical reasons are understandable, a very small list of dislikes are admissible but anything more and I couldn't live with that person.
It would also be impossible to bring up children to eat a varied diet if you have an extra child as the parent.
A definite deal breaker.

I think that people have forgotten that OP was not against friends being fussy eaters (who cares?). It was about a potential new love- entirely different and best to get out early and not have a lifetime of restrictions and sheer irritation.

Yes, completely different set of criteria for a prospective partner v friend.

DH isn't particularly fussy, but he won't eat pulses. That is restricting enough for family meal planning.

If someone had a very restricted diet then he would have to have some very spectacular other qualities to stay attractive overall. Because the practicalities of longterm partnership matter.

amber my child has ASD as well as a related medical condition and he has a restricted diet for both sensory and medical reasons.

I wrote 'actual' instead of actual. Oops.

I can't win I guess. I have written over and over again that I am annoyed by fussy eaters- that include a friend of mine who checks which factory her Diet Coke was made in, another who has regular purges where she only eats a specific type of grapes, people who won't try food because it 'looks funny' etc etc and who impose it on others to the point that meals out or holidays become quasi-impossible.

NOT people with sensory issues. NOT people with medical issues. NOT people who are fussy but deal with it and as olivo does still manage to go out for meals without acting like their food is poisoned.

I am talking about people who basically IN MY OPINION act like toddlers.

I'm a bit sympathetic to checking the Diet Coke label. Some Diet Coke is inexplicably musty.

Totally agree, I once had to organise a work event with lunch.

The person with coeliac disease was very appreciative of the special meal the venue made for her and told me that work dos were tricky as sandwiches were so often the default.

The vegetarian made a fuss as their very nice looking vegetarian meal had various completely mainstream things in it that she 'didn't eat'.

The really fussy person kicked up a ridiculous and embarrassing stink because the food wasn't up to whatever weird standard she wanted to hold them to.

The food was very good, and in any case it was a work event not some gourmet do, and none of them were paying. There is no way I could live with someone with the attitudes of the second two individuals. I'd find catering to the first persons very real needs a bit tricky too I imagine, but it's a very different scenario.

It is the ones that act like toddlers that are not potential partners.

olivo

"I am a fussy eater but I would be gutted if i thought it meant my friends would ditch me! I still go to restaurants, just pick something that I like, usually considered boring by others, but it isn't them that is being asked to eat it, so why would, it matter?"

But that isn't how it works, because not all restaurants serve a complete range of all food ever. Visiting a curry house is difficult if you refuse to eat foreign food, for example, and once one person starts to exercise a right of veto over the choice of restaurant, the other half dozen will run out of patience pretty quickly. We had (note the tense) a friend who refused to eat anywhere that didn't serve "proper English food". After a while, no-one could be bothered with the drama about the menu or, indeed, the endless whining about the smell of other people's food. "Let's go for a curry". "But ... won't like it". "Yeah. Let's go for a curry."

There's a massive difference between not being able to eat certain foods and being a fussy eater.

Certain lifestyle choices (vegetarian, vegan, religion) impact what people can eat, but doesn't make you fussy.

Food intolerances, allergies, and other such things don't make you fussy.

Refusing to eat anything that isn't beige, on the other hand, is fussy.

"Certain lifestyle choices (vegetarian, vegan, religion) impact what people can eat, but doesn't make you fussy...Refusing to eat anything that isn't beige, on the other hand, is fussy."

What's the difference between "I don't eat beef because I am vegetarian" and "I don't eat beef because it's brown"?

Post of the year from SaucyJack

This man is my nephew in 20 years (although my nephew does not eat steak or ham or drink squash.