to consider a fussy diet as a big against for a potential new love

[glitternanny]

and I mean seriously restricted 2:

Proteins, one carbohydrate and the same lunch everyday.

Not lacking in imagination. I will cook anyone anything as a one off- however fussy -but I am not prepared to live with someone like that- a partner has to be willing I eat just about anything and able to go into any restaurant and pick something from the menu or they would be ditched early on!
Their parents would probably be a pain as they let them do it.

Not lacking in imagination. I will cook anyone anything as a one off- however fussy -but I am not prepared to live with someone like that- a partner has to be willing I eat just about anything and able to go into any restaurant and pick something from the menu or they would be ditched early on!
Their parents would probably be a pain as they let them do it.

Sorry - don't know how it posted twice.

Agree with exoticfruits.

If you have more than, say, five foods that you don't eat (for non allergy/non ethical/non special needs reasons) then I would classify you as "fussy".

I don't eat oysters, okra or cucumber, although I could eat cucumber if I had to at a friend's house. There are some foods that I am not all that keen on which I would never choose to put on my plate - choux pastry, natural yogurt, tomatoes - but I wouldn't make an enormous fuss if they were served to me and would eat them.

My husband worked with someone whose new partner had a phobia of tomatoes. The colleague's children didn't much like him, so would line up tomatoes at the front of the fridge to freak him out when he opened it.

Sorry, off topic, but followed on nicely from Diseases post.

I take issue with some posters' take that fussiness is a result of an individual's view that food is just fuel. I would say that it's almost always the reverse. I've known a couple of people who really do regard food as just fuel and they, accordingly, have eaten pretty much anything, having no cultural/social hang ups. The food is fuel types on this thread though seem to use it as a defense for their restricted diets.

I wouldn't date someone with a sevely restricted diet because I take great pleasure in cooking. I wouldn't date someone who had no interest in current affairs, or who never read, either. They are just 'hobbies' of mine, but are important to me, and it would be out of the question for me to spend my life with someone I couldn't share those things with.

Lacking in imagination? nope, just lacking in desire to accomodate rude fussy fuckers.
Barring allergies/medical issues/veganism etc, issuing demands of your hosts is just plain fucking rude.

I agree totally- I would call it rude in anyone over 5 yrs. ( 7yrs at the outside)

It seems very sad to me that anyone should even feel that they should have to ask of a potential guest 'what don't you eat', with the assumption that of course they will be fussy about something. In my mind this is a question you ask parents of quite young children, not adults. When my teenagers have friends around and stay for meals they either eat or they don't. I'm not making them special separate meals, if they don't like what I'm serving then they can go back to their own houses and eat there.

People with allergies or intolerances tend to tell you up front, mostly in my experience very apologetically.

I realise I have picked up some food facism from my mother!

Surely the difference is between not liking something and eating it?

I grew up as a very fussy eater. When I turned 18 I decided that adults, from those I knew, tended to eat most things so I'd try. I found that I pretty much liked all food. Sure, I prefer some to others, and there are a few things I really don't like much, but I eat basically everything if it's put in front of me. My only can't do things are kidneys and liquorice. I have often even as an adult eaten things I didn't like the sound of, and ended up enjoying them. The mentality of adults not prepared to try, and/or willing to be openly rude or disparaging about food, is foreign to me.

I was once at a very expensive, famous restaurant to celebrate DH's birthday. It was the sort which offers set menus, most prominently in this case a tasting menu, and a very limited and expensive a la carte too, mostly I'd think for high end business lunching.

We sat next to a couple who went through every dish on every single menu option and found at least one thing they disliked every time. Elements that would have been unnoticeable. I would have managed liquorice WITH sodding kidneys in this place. They ended up ordering nothing but two main courses of beef, at £50 each.

YANBU - if cooking and going out to eat are activities that you enjoy, and you won't be able to enjoy them with this person, then it would go in the "cons" column.

Similarly if you had two dogs that you loved, and your date was severely allergic to dogs (and could never live in a house where dogs lived) that would be a big problem. It might not be their fault, but it makes your lives less compatible.

Gubbins the food is fuel thing came from Russians who was basically trying to defend fussy eating by saying saying that excessive interest in food was a flaw, and that enjoying the social aspect of eating was a product of modern consumerist society, and that food is only fuel, and those who regarded it as more than that were dupes of consumerist society with empty lives. This is clearly rubbish of course as food has played a central role going way beyond that of fuel in most societies since the mists of time, and continues to do so all over the world :)

I generally ask guests "what don't you eat?" because if a guests hates mushrooms I would prefer to plan a meal that does not have mushrooms in it, rather than have them choke them down and try to look grateful.

Maybe the true definition of fussiness is when you have a list of things that you will eat, rather than a list of things that you won't eat.

Maybe the true definition of fussiness is when you have a list of things that you will eat, rather than a list of things that you won't eat.

That sounds about right to me.

Rude to not like a food? How bizarre! We like what we like. I have gulped down food I haven't liked, but actually, I think life is too short to eat food you don't like when there are thousands of things I love instead. If I were hosting, I would much rather know someone loves what I am eating rather than be just gulping it down thinking yuck.

Food is fuel, yes, but it's so much more.

Food has been a central part of hospitality/social settings for centuries, and probably much longer. There are so many, many customs and quirks surrounding food in all areas of the globe, and these haven't sprung up overnight in response to a recent interest in consumerism.

I think it is precisely because food is so important to our survival that it has developed this central role in social situations. The host using rare expensive foods as a sign of status is not a new thing, is it? Offering food, especially when scarce, has often been to show how honoured your guest is and so on, again nothing new.

In the OP's situation, though, this chap does seem to be very fussy, and this would be incompatible with my lifestyle. Yes, I said before I'm overweight, inherited food issues, etc, but I'm losing the weight and getting adventurous with food because I have finally been able to overcome these issues inherited from my mother.

It is more than possible to enjoy a wide range of food in a healthy way, as I'm now discovering.

And I see nothing wrong in enjoying these foods since I have to eat anyway in order to stay alive. Food doesn't have to be a punishment.

Out of interest, how many of you would eat raw human flesh / offal in an emergency situation or choose to starve?

Being unable to eat meat for vomitty rather than ethical reasons, my fussiness would completely override my survival instinct and you'd probably be eating me

I think it would be a shame not to give him a chance if you really like him in other ways. But maybe, in general, YANBU. I certainly don't think you're unusual.

I have never been in a relationship. Food isn't the only reason but it's a big one. I became anorexic at 11 and still (at 30!) have major 'issues' (hover just outside the official 'anorexic' zone) with most foods. I eat the same for breakfast and lunch every day and there isn't much variation in my dinners either. I don't eat any single item that contains more than 300 calories on its own, I don't eat things with sauces or that have many ingredients mixed together, don't eat red meat, nuts, cream, tomatoes, onions, pastry, Indian/Chinese/Thai/Mexican/Italian, cheese, chocolate, milk, cake, biscuits etc etc. As somebody said upthread it's probably easier to list what I do eat.

I can't ever go to someone's house to eat and I will only go to a restaurant with close friends who I have known for a long time.

I can see why people link food issues to other issues too - I also sleep poorly, enjoy rigid routine and hate both physical and emotional intimacy

However, I am able to travel all over the world and go about life without worrying because I'm not just fussy, I'm fussy and eating disordered; meaning, if there's nothing I feel comfortable eating, I'm very comfortable with not eating!

I've accepted myself as I am and don't mind it but I wouldn't expect anyone else to accept me. The only thing I'd change is that I wish my children had a healthier role model.

I think I agree with Trills on the definition of fussiness. Having a very short, defined list of things you will eat, and refusing to even try anything else, is very limiting given how much normal socialising revolves around food.

I am vegetarian, and I know that does sometimes make life difficult for people I visit (I always give advance warning and offer to bring food if appropriate), and limits my choices about good places to travel, even though I'm pretty adventurous about trying anything that doesn't involve meat or seafood. I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be if I only ate the two or three meals that the OP's potential partner will consider.

Being extremely fussy about food doesn't necessarily make you a bad or boring person, or completely off-limits as a relationship prospect, but it will definitely be a factor for many people, in the same way that smoking, or being a heavy drinker, or being fanatical about a particular sport might (it would certainly put me off if I found out that a potential date was a heavy smoker, or went to every home and away match of a particular football team every season).

"Out of interest, how many of you would eat raw human flesh / offal in an emergency situation or choose to starve?"

Almost anyone it would appear. A common theme in such accounts is that people want to keep their children alive, and will do so by any means possible.

Thank you Friday16.

Does anyone else want to eat me?

Oh I'd definitely eat human flesh to stay alive. I wouldn't fancy eating it raw though. And I'd like some condiments please.

Yep. Definitely a time for ketchup.

"Oh I'd definitely eat human flesh to stay alive. I wouldn't fancy eating it raw though."

Cooked, it's said to taste like, and have a texture akin to, pork. That's one suggestion as to basis for the taboos about pork in many cultures: that it's harder to distinguish between pork and, er, long pig than other meats.

Maybe apple sauce would be better?

Does he have an Eating Disorder?