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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give the DC a day off school for this reason?

207 replies

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 05/09/2013 11:32

MIL is over from Oz...she comes once a year and she goes back on Sunday. Shall I keep the DC off school tomorrow so that they get an extra full day with her? It's only just occurred to me to suggest it...I've not mentioned it to MIL or DC yet.

She loves them so much and it's reciprocated....she misses them badly over the year. Also...if I am not being unreasonable, what shall I tell school?

OP posts:
stealthsquiggle · 05/09/2013 18:08

LadyB I don't personally think it would do any harm at all if OP decides to keep them home - I just think that the DC would be more likely to remember "the day Granny picked us up and let us loose in the sweet shop/took us to the cinema/we showed her our favourite park/all our friends got to meet her" than one of x days they spent with Granny - especially if they are small. Having a day off school would be more memorable and special for a teenager.

theodorakisses · 05/09/2013 18:14

Just say they are ill. The state don't own your children.

gintastic · 05/09/2013 18:14

I kept my daughter off school one day to spend with her cousin who lives in America. We had just the one day to spend with them due to schedule clashes, and she hadn't seen him for a year and wouldn't see him again for another year if we had missed them. School authorised it when I explained.

Family really are important.

MrsAMerrick · 05/09/2013 18:16

We had this issue a couple of years ago. I had never asked for the DCs to have time off for any reason (except v occasional sickness). PiL who live several thousand mile away and whom we hadn't seen for two years were flying in/out of the UK over one week, actually the other side of the country from us (approx 250 miles). I explained to school that i would like to take DCs out of school for the Friday only, drive down to see PiL, back on Sunday evening so children would be back at school Monday. This would give them 2 days with grandparents they hadn't seen for years. I felt this was an "exceptional circumstance". School refused. I took them anyway, they both were marked as "unauthorised absence". I support schools in refusing term-time holidays but this was one day in truly unusual circumstances. I would be (a bit) less aggrieved if it wasn't for the fact that the wretched school always has a Teacher Training Day 3 weeks before Christmas which is known by all and sundry as "teacher shopping day"

valiumredhead · 05/09/2013 18:18

Yanbu, let them have the day together.

TidyDancer · 05/09/2013 19:11

I agree with whoever said if she's been around for a week or less, let them have the day off. Any longer and it's not really necessary. The fact you won't say how long she's been here suggests it's a really long time.

TartanRug · 05/09/2013 19:18

She's 5 FFS not 15, of course I would keep her off. Let her make some more memories with her gran.

Floggingmolly · 05/09/2013 19:18

Several posters have asked how long she's been over for, and you replied I don't think that information is relevant!!!
On the contrary, it's actually fundamental to your question, really. You would only be reasonable if she'd popped over for the weekend; but we all know she didn't.
Yabu.

CarpeVinum · 05/09/2013 20:12

On the contrary, it's actually fundamental to your question, really

I'd disagree. For me there is something about the last few full days before "long time till I actually clap eyes on you again" starts again. They are more precious. They mean more to me than at the start of the visit when I feel like time is on my side.

I think what is more relevant is frequency. If somebody can pop over several times a year then the tail-end of one visit doesn't herald a long absence. But if you only see each other infrequently, well that can feel different.

Especially with kids, because by the time the next visit comes around they have changed so much. It matters maybe more for gran than the kids I think. This might be the last couple of days she has left to drink in her grandchild at 5. Becuase by the time she comes back ... 5 has long gone.

I have only my sister and BIL, and they are younger than me, but I think perhaps if it was a question of an older relative, I'd also be aware that there were no guarentees that grannie would be in the same fine fettle and be able to do so much next time. I think that might give me an even greater sense of urgency to squeeze every last drop out of the time left before time and distance seperated everybody again.

School is very important to me. I have gone to considerable lengths (and gained many grey hairs) to get my son access to a decent education. But all the same a day or two of being in school doesn't trump everything else for me. The connections we have with the people we love matter too, and I don't think it's anti-education to very occasionally place the priority on those connections, when we can, while we still can.

Dominodonkey · 05/09/2013 20:31

Yabu as are all the people who have given examples which are a million miles away from the situation in question.

The grandmother comes every year.
The grandmother has clearly been over for at least a month
The children have been off school for the last 6 weeks
The grandmother is not going home until Sunday.

So the ops children have had 30 or more days to spend time with grandma and will have the time from 3pm Friday to Sunday to spend with her.
And yet op wants to take her children out of school for yet another special day.

It probably won't harm her children's education in the long run but it is entirely unnecessary.

Rubybrazilianwax · 05/09/2013 20:33

Yanbu. I wouldn't think twice about this. Your dc will remember days like this. I say this as a teacher too.

kali110 · 05/09/2013 20:38

Yanbu. Its one day, its not a regular things. Its not like she can visit every month.

Retroformica · 05/09/2013 20:40

Time with her us so much more important. What's one day missed at school?

nancy75 · 05/09/2013 20:44

dominodonkey, why has she obviously been here for at least a month?

Do you have any family living 10,000 miles away?

Some things in life are not about necessary, the grandmother misses almost a year of grandchildren growing up, giving her one more day isn't going to hurt anyone but it will mean a lot to her.

avolt · 05/09/2013 20:47

I'm of the yabu brigade. Don't have family in oz or nz. But have family in Scotland we've not seen for 3 years.

To me it gives the wrong message - that you can wriggle out of things when it suits you.

Also i'd be thinking that some poor person will have to go over what all the others did yesterday with your dc, taking time away from others who might really need the extra help.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 05/09/2013 20:47

I do wonder if the people who freely allow their children days off school (not talking about the OP here) are the sorts of people who are equally uncommitted about going to work such as; when they have the sniffles.

Floggingmolly · 05/09/2013 21:04

Your dc will remember days like this. I doubt it; I imagine it will merge seamlessly into the 42 days they've already had off. What's different about it?

ZingWantsCake · 05/09/2013 21:21

Neo

I don't take these things lightly.
apart from illness mine only missed days because of

  • going to a wedding
  • going abroad to vist my family (time had to be dictated by my mother's timetable)
  • going to a wedding abroad
  • going to a funeral
  • and once 4 days before the end of school my DH was able to take a day off unexpectedly and wanted to make the most of it by taking kids camping for a long weekend
  • see newborn sibling in hospital asap

all of the above were authorised.

I'm like you. I wouldn't lie about it any of these either.

I'd ask for authorized absence, put down "family visiting from abroad" and if they don't authorize it so what?

I'd rather that than God forbid something happens to her and you'll regret losing a precious day your children could have spent with her!

Enjoy and feel no guilt. you have my permission! Grin

EduCated · 05/09/2013 21:24

You do realise precisely nothing will happen due to one day's unauthorised absence, don't you? It won't be on their University transcript when they graduate Wink

ZingWantsCake · 05/09/2013 21:28

avolt really? mine went back yesterday & had no homework so far.

what could a 5 year old be possibly thaught so early on in a school year that they need special catching up for?
they will be talking about the holidays or learning where the new classrooms are!
it's unlikely they are learning about nuclear chain reactions (actually that's quite simple) or have tests...

axure · 05/09/2013 21:46

YANBU we also have family overseas and took DS out of school on odd days throughout his schooldays, but always sent a note saying exactly why - never pulled a sickie. Sometimes he had time off to go to see a sporting event, and we did get a few shitty letters from the school. DS was a straight A student, the few days off had no adverse effect on his education, plus loads of great memories with family, at Wembley, Lords etc.

nancy75 · 05/09/2013 22:35

AVolt, seriously you are comparing family in Scotland to grandparents in Australia?

We went to see dps family last year, it took us 32 hours door to door and cost £3k for the flights, you can fly to Scotland in an hour for a hundred quid.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2013 23:25

My family are 5000 miles away (well, those that aren't are 1000 and 2000 miles away) and I am saying YABU.

My parents are Scottish and would chew their own arm off rather than have DD miss anything educational. Precious memories, my arse. It's sad and lonely when family are thousands of miles away and one day doesn't make a difference to that.

thebody · 05/09/2013 23:32

there are more important things in this world than school.

family is one if them.

life is short frail and precious. you are so not being unreasonable op.

JenaiMorris · 05/09/2013 23:33

I reckon grandma comes over for the entire British summer (what we have of one) and sees more of her grandchildren than someone who lives 500 miles away and can only visit for weekends here and there...