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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give the DC a day off school for this reason?

207 replies

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 05/09/2013 11:32

MIL is over from Oz...she comes once a year and she goes back on Sunday. Shall I keep the DC off school tomorrow so that they get an extra full day with her? It's only just occurred to me to suggest it...I've not mentioned it to MIL or DC yet.

She loves them so much and it's reciprocated....she misses them badly over the year. Also...if I am not being unreasonable, what shall I tell school?

OP posts:
Lweji · 05/09/2013 12:55

Actually, not sure why you are asking.

It's as if you have already made the decision, regardless of what people say.

So, stop asking for validation and just assume whatever decision you have made.

Have you asked your OH?

littlewhitebag · 05/09/2013 12:59

If she has been over for a while then i would say that your children should go to school tomorrow. They will have all day Saturday to say their goodbyes. I assume they are at primary school so they will only be away from 9 to around 3. You can have a lovely day with your MIL on your own.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/09/2013 13:01

One day off for a 5 year old to spend a last day with a grandparent?
What possible harm to her education could this do?
Go for it OP.
I gave ds random days off growing up, he starts university this year studying Neuro Science.
Keep her off and make it a special day, and to let her say goodbye.

timidviper · 05/09/2013 13:01

I would keep them off and have a lovely day of making happy memories. They won't see her again for ages.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 05/09/2013 13:02

It's clear what you're going to do, I think.

So, start making your plans. Coach your children to lie to their friends about why both of them were ill on the same Monday - maybe have a think about a convincing back story (whole family food poisoning on Sunday, maybe?).

The downside is that you might have to still look a bit weak on Tuesday, and people might offer you concern - because their friends may well tell their mothers, in passing. So do make sure you can keep a straight face if that happens.

You'll also need to make sure that you're all consistent, and teachers, friends and playground mums all get told the same lie, and your children are properly coached in this.

Also be ready to explain to them, if, say, the class assembly is cast on Monday, or they miss anything they might have liked or benefitted from at school (highly unlikely, I know, but you never know...) why it was important to miss that and they shouldn't be upset.

YABU.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 05/09/2013 13:04

Sorry - the same Friday. I suppose you might all have recovered over the weekend, then.

This is two children, right? It's plural in the OP, but everyone is just mentioning the 5 year old?

Lweji · 05/09/2013 13:04

On the other hand... www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-23970281

Grin
Bowlersarm · 05/09/2013 13:09

How long has your mil been over? Surely the children have just had at least a 6 week summer holiday in which to spend time with her. Plus the times outside of 9 to 3 to tomorrow. Plus the weekend coming.

CarpeVinum · 05/09/2013 13:16

I gave ds random days off growing up

We do the same (with the school's blessing). There are days here and there that his friends get off becuase Italian state schools are closed, but he doesn't have as holidays becuase he's at a British school. Makes more sense to me to let him do the cultrual rites of passage and enjoy the local festas rather than insist on attendance willy nilly. He reviews the lessons missed and does the homework within the required timeframe.

I can't see it's doing him any harm, his marks are excellent, and he isn't an exceptional child so it's not like it all comes easy to him. Just a bog standard, average kid who has to put his back into things. He gets that the give and take of an extra day here and there means he has to do his part and get the work done to a high standard.....or things could change.

I wouldn't want him to grow up thinking school is optional (certainly not after I half killed myself for six years to find him a school that could offer a good quality/good fit education opportunity). But at the same time I think learning from a young age how flexibility works and how it is only sustainable if treated as a two way street, is no bad thing.

MrsMelons · 05/09/2013 14:31

I agree with Chipping and the others, one day will not hurt for this reason. Their relationship is so important and I can't believe one day will have a massive affect if their attendance is already good!

MrsMelons · 05/09/2013 14:33

If she has been here a few week then I think the extra day is fine if she has been here 3 months then not really ok IMO.

Sorry I had missed the post where you refused to say how long.

TheTruffleHunter · 05/09/2013 14:36

YANBU. At 5, they won't be missing anything that important, surely! Time with Granny is more precious and what a lovely gift to all of them, especially Granny.

bellabom · 05/09/2013 14:37

Keep them off it you want, use your judgement. But don't lie about it. That's not cool.

Bowlersarm · 05/09/2013 14:40

Oh yes I missed the post where you refused to say how long she's been over.

luxemburgerli · 05/09/2013 14:45

How old are the DC?

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/09/2013 14:45

She comes once a year and has been over for ages. YABU.

luxemburgerli · 05/09/2013 14:46

I mean I see one is 5, is there just the one? At 5 I wouldn't hesitate, unless there is something specific for settling in that day?

JoandMax · 05/09/2013 14:46

I'd keep them off and just tell the school the truth. A happy day with a beloved GP versus a Friday at school is a no brainer for me.

I live overseas, my parents are coming out next month and my DCs will miss 2 days of school (well my youngest is only 3.5 but pre-school is considered a school year here so same rules apply) - I think its so important for them to have time with GPs to keep the bond strong between them. If it was once a month then I wouldn't but if they're only going to see them once or twice a year I 100% believe it will do no harm whatsoever.

Yes, school is important but so are other things!

luxemburgerli · 05/09/2013 14:47

And what does granny say? I'd ask her before mentioning to the DC. If I asked my mum this, I think she'd go ballistic and say they should be in school Smile

TenToWine · 05/09/2013 14:47

i assumed twin 5 year olds

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 05/09/2013 15:09

Nit my dear take a breath. Smile I never SAID I wasn't going to tell school the reason did I? No. I never...because I will likely tell them the truth if I do keep them off...which I am still undecided about.

Lux I haven't mentioned it but she would be thrilled. Your Mum I assume lives in the same country as her DGC.*

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 05/09/2013 15:13

Well, I think you will find it's probably an unauthorised absence, then. But I'm glad you're thinking you'll probably tell the truth.

Ruprekt · 05/09/2013 15:16

Yabu.

Lweji · 05/09/2013 15:20

still don't know what the father's opinion on this is

Ragwort · 05/09/2013 15:29

I just don't see why it is necessary, presumably they have already had lots of time with DGM over the Summer, they will only be at school for 6 or so hours, she's not leaving until Sunday.

Surely it's a lesson to learn that you can't always have time off from school/work/comittments etc - has your DH had all the time off work he wanted just to spend with his mother Confused?

Not quite the same sort of thing but I do a lot of voluntary work - if I commit to something then I follow it through, but you would be surprised at the number of people that don't bother, if 'something better' comes up. Going to school is a comittment, and in your example I really don't think another day with Grandma is more important that fulfilling the comittment to going to school.

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