Pictures of sick child in hospital on FB?

[TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband]

Close-up shots of very sick child sleeping/with drip in arms/trying to smile for camera with balloons people have given them with updates like 'thanks for the balloon they cheered her up a bit' taken by parents have come up on my feed (they don't know what's wrong with child yet).
Aibu to be a bit shocked at these?

Horrible thread, horrible OP.

I truly wish that MrsDV and Expat hadn't seen this and had to explain to fuckwits why people post photos. They are our children and we love them and are proud of them and want the world to know that.

The fact that they are ill is just that, it is a fact. It doesn't make us any less proud of them.

Try having a bit of compassion, try and imagine having a sick child, try and imagine being terrified that you are going to lose that wonderful, amazing, funny, beautiful child.

Try and imagine that you do lose them, and those photos are the last you will ever have of your child alive.

If you cannot understand any of that, then you really are lacking in any basic human emotion.

I think it's really striking that Porridge's posts on here have been practically ignored. She is speaking from the position of the child and nobody seems able to listen...
I am not judging parents here btw. I also know what the desperate and horrifying realityis of having a very seriously sick child although can't begin to imagine what losing a child is actually like. I think the points about not romanticising child death are ones society as a whole probably needs to learn from.
But I also think Porridge's voice needs to be taken more seriously than it has been so far here. She has been the child in pain. She surely has a right to be listened to too?

Reported axure.

I have read this thread back and it has really made me think.

My DS has spent a large proportion of his life in hospital. We attend there every one to three months and have done for most of his life. Yet to look in our photo albums you would never know. It is actually really odd to this that the hospital plays such a large part of our life yet there are very few photographs that document it. This includes the first six months of his life, for which we have about ten pictures.

DS has, over the years, developed a real anxiety about being in hospital. He hates having cords, tubes and nasal specs and feels hugely embarrassed by it all. Considering this is the same boy who will happily go topless despite several scars, his PEG and a lumpy portacath, it does surprise me to see him get embarrassed by his treatments.

Over the years I have gotten to know other families in similar circumstances to ours. We are all generally in hospital at the same time, most of the time, so know how we all get on. They use FB and share pictures of their children whilst in hospital. This has never bothered me, as I know what they go through and understand they need the support network and are happy to document that part of their lives. I also am hugely sympathetic to them, and will offer support if they ask.

What does annoy me, and here is where I am probably in the wrong, is that while our ward treats chronically ill patients, it also deals in minor surgeries and some parents with children having relatively minor procedures act like its the end of the world. This is not their fault, if their child does need a minor procedure, it must be a big deal to them. I just find it really, really difficult to see their pictures on FB, gaining sympathy for a minor procedure. The rational part of my brain tells me that it is not nice for any child to go through any procedure, no matter how big or small. But there's the other part - the part that has wept several times at my DS's bedside and wished he was in for just a minor procedure, that wishes that those parents would be grateful that there is nothing serious and that after their traumatic two or three days in hospital, they get to go home and never come back. Never know the names of the hospital staff, or the daily procedure of a hospital, moreso than the routine of your own home.

So yes, sometimes certain pictures on FB of children in hospital make me angry as I think they are unnecessary when it is a small procedure and the child will be home soon. I am happy to admit to being a cynical auld bitch. But for me it is a coping mechanism, and not necessarily one I understand.

Twistedreach I think you have a point. I was the first to respond to the OP with a YABU - I was actually too angry to type any more, because I am in the sad club of mums who have had a child die in hospital. I never took pictures - it would not have crossed my mind and this was pre Facebook anyway, but I would never judge a parent for how they cope - we are all so different.

However, Porridge's post did give me pause for thought. I still stick by the fact the OP was BU - her opening post was dreadful. Porridge is talking about children who live - as this one thankfully did. So on reflection it is different when your child has died, a child that survives may well have an opinion on their parents using their pictures. But if you think your child may die, you are hardly going to worry about that, are you?

People have such strong and bloody ignorant ideas about how others should act when ill/ bereaved/ undergoing a traumatic life event. It's something that gets me really angry.

We live in a society that pretends tragedy and death don't happen, and so people feel massively uncomfortable when it does happen, and those feelings, mixed with vague ideas from tv and films, lead to a kind of weird rejecting yet prurient attitude... Which takes precedence over actual kindness or empathy.

Axure - we all really appreciate your input.

Comments like yours is the reason parents like me realise just how vulnerable we are.

Have reported your posts.

Although I can see where Porridge is coming from that is simply one persons POV on the issue. I was ill as a child, my parents took photos and showed people (why wouldn't they?), photos of me were used by the hospital for training purposes and to show before and after to other parents. Neither of these things bothered me, and as I grew up having photos was a nice thing. This was years before the digital photos/facebook revolution.

The world has moved on now and and where paper photos used to be shown to people now those photos are shared on facebook instead. Yes this often has a bigger and certainly more immediate audience but that is the norm today. I would have been no more bothered about photos of me ill were shown as a paper version to people than if they were shown as a digital version online.

As parents you make a decision based on what feels right at that time.

This thread is horrendous - some of you should be utterly ashamed of the way you have spoken to other posters on here. I suggest you go and stroke your own child's face and be grateful that you aren't in the position of being in hospital, desperately worried and wanting to share photos of your beautiful child with your friends and family.

My son also has leukaemia. I surprised myself when he wa diagnosed because I started to use Facebook like I hadn't before. I posted frequent photos of him - some he looks sad, but mostly he is happy, even when having drips and wires coming out of him. Initially I did it to keep friends and family updated (we were far from home) but also as a way to try and make it all feel a bit more real to me. I also didn't want people to recoil in horror when they saw him in person. I wanted them to do their crying over how different he suddenly looked away from us so that they could be strong when we needed them to be.

Now I hope that it shares awareness of the realities of childhood cancer (a friend's little girl was asking her mum about cancer yesterday and so he showed we my photos. The dear girl said 'he's so happy. Even cancer can't take that away from him), and I also hope that it provides support for others starting out on this scary journey. twunk you've seen my pictures. Has it reassured you somewhat that life will get a bit more normal soon?

Morning everyone,

Thank you to everyone who reported this thread to us. We understand this is a very emotional thread, but we'd like to remind you all of our talk guidelines.

We'll be going through this thread and deleting posts that break them, and as ever, please report anything you'd like us look at.

My daughter is 6. She has been treated for leukaemia for the past 27 months and her journey through treatment has been shared on Facebook.

Two weeks ago she had her last vincristine injection. I went to hospital armed with my camera specifically to take a photograph of her port being accessed. I have taken pictures of her having blood and platelet transfusions, playing pool in the playroom with her consultant, watching DVDs in her hospital bed with friends on the ward.

Next week she will have her final bone marrow and lumber puncture and you can rest assured I will be there with my camera as she walks down to theatre. Leukaemia and the accompanying hospital stays have taken up a third of her life.

Should I have stopped recording memories when she was 4 and resumed again at 6 and three quarters? Hopefully my daughter will go on to lead a normal healthy life but I am sure at some point she will want to look back at this time and remember the friends she made, the doctors and nurses who treated her, the play therapists who made clinic visits enjoyable.

She is not some Victorian taboo to be hidden from the public until her appearance is deemed acceptable.

I have a friend whose child has a SWAN. (Syndrome without a Name.) Basically they are incredibly ill and they don't know why. Or how to cure them.

They document everything on FB. To a level that does feel voyeuristic.

Because there is a teeny tiny chance that someone somewhere will see the photos or hear the description of his illness and it will remind them of someone they know and they may be able to help their child.

If he lives to 18 they will hate some of the photos on there. I suspect if I told her that she will say "please God let them be 18 and hate me for putting those photos up."

She is amazing. She is also living with ticking time bombs as some of her other children are still younger than the one who is ill was when they got ill.

Sorry - got distracted there but the point I am making is that they may also have been trying to use FB for diagnostic purposes. You said that they didn't know what was wrong when they took the first photo?

Tabitha you have indeed reassured me with your photos. I loved the one recently of the haircut - a cheeky cute little boy doing exactly normal stuff.

You make a good point - Alex looks completely different now. It has taken me a lot of adjustment to get used to him (he's 3 kilos heavier and has a massive face! Plus his hair is now short and he will lose it soon. I know that I am letting people know what he looks like so they are prepared for it, and I can cope with their reaction.

Selfish I know.

And truly a picture tells a thousand words. Sometimes that helps.

Labtest I do exactly the same. I document every bit. Some I share with my friends, others are just for me and my family, but it's a life-changing experience for all of us and to me it's important to remember.

But then I only have a sick child for the kudos

Why the fuck is this ththread still here? Fucking disgraceful.

I think the thread should stay. It shows the sort of horrible attitudes parents of seriously ill children have to face. You don't realise just how awful (and how wonderful) your friends and family can be until you are in this position.

Having remotely supported a friend through the death of her wonderful, beautiful, cherished and special little boy from childhood cancer I can completely understand why some parents would want to share their experiences on FB or blogs. It's a desperately underfunded disease. Parents are powerless to save their child. All some of them can do is simply try to raise awareness and funding, so that is what they choose to to. Because they never, ever want even their worst enemy to go through what they have been through.

Those of you who say that the child can't consent - well, OK, what child can? Is every picture in every hospital, advertisements for Make a Wish & other similar campaigns wrong for that reason? If your views were upheld, no-one would ever see a public image of a child battling cancer, ever. And that would be a bad, bad thing. It's real, it's horrible, and it happens all too often.

I feel absolutely wretched typing this. He was a lovely boy, from a lovely family, and it's all so fucking unfair. His parents did the very best they could. I am heartbroken. How must they feel?

So don't say "I'm sorry for your loss but...." Say "I'm sorry for your loss". And mean it. And leave it at that.

I am finding it very interesting though that few people acknowledge Porridge post, even though she has been the child who was ill.

As a young adult looking back on the weeks spent lying in ITU aged 7, I feel that I had quite enough attention with the chest tubes, IV's, catheter and bandages without it being shown to the world. I have pictures, and I look back and feel proud that I made it to where I am, but I'm so glad only a select few have seen them, and that they aren't on the Internet.

That's what I personally have an issue with when people are sharing stuff like this not just with family but also people they just vaguely know.

So yes posting on FB is a coping tool for parents. Yes it's an easy way to stay in touch with family and let them know what is going on. And yes some children will be happy to put photos on FB when they are ill. But maybe not the ones were they are sleeping/unconscious and looking awful. Perhaps more the ones where they manage a smile even though they are still attached to all sorts of machines etc...

And YY to the fact that any photo put on FB is FB property.....

I also think that blogs are again a very different kettle of fish than a FB post.
A FB can be dome quickly, you don't always (if ever) think carefully about all the words you are writing. It can be closer to sending a text to a group of people (which parents could do too to get some support) than to writing a blog.

A blog is closer to writing an email. You have to think and organize your ideas before you hit the 'send' button.
Documenting the illness of your child (or your adoption process or whatever else) on a blog is a completely different process than FB even though it does raise similar question re how will the child feel about it in 10 or 20 years time and they will see the photos or read the blog.

I've not ignored Porridge's post, and maybe she's right. I don't know. She is one person who would find it uncomfortable. You are assuming that none of the other posters were poorly in hospital as children and really wouldn't have minded. Plus we are raising a generation likely to share everything. Posting photos online is just part of life now for many people.

I have posted photos of my children sleeping because they look so damn cute. You might well judge me for that. Whatever.

I am a mum who lost my daughter in hospital, she was in hospital from 5 weeks old and spent 617 nights as an inpatient whilst being treated for leukaemia, she lost her fight aged 2 yrs 10 months i only wish id had facebook back then to keep all my friends and family up to date with her journey when we were in a hospital sometimes 3 hours from our home. and even now i post pics of her on b'days and anniversaries, if my friends dont want to see them they know where the unfriend button is!