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AIBU?

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Pictures of sick child in hospital on FB?

452 replies

TheWomanWhoMisplacedHerHusband · 05/09/2013 07:15

Close-up shots of very sick child sleeping/with drip in arms/trying to smile for camera with balloons people have given them with updates like 'thanks for the balloon they cheered her up a bit' taken by parents have come up on my feed (they don't know what's wrong with child yet).
Aibu to be a bit shocked at these?

OP posts:
poppetsaplenty · 05/09/2013 23:26

Thank you Twunk, MamaTJ and Bella

I have no idea who it was. I did prune my friends list after; however because the person obviously had my home phone number it obviously was someone that I know well rather than an acquaintance.

Which leaves the rather unsettling conclusion that people were being nice and supportive on facebook to my face, but secretly calling Social Services behind my back. And the odds are, they are still on my facebook. And they either reported for malicious reasons, or because they felt like the OP.

I did want to post here at the time; however was too worried that it would be very personally identifiable.

Twunk · 05/09/2013 23:29

Poppets I imagine that's a really unsettling thought. It's just one cunt person though. Maybe they now regret it.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 05/09/2013 23:39

Maybe OP is on your friends list, poppet? What an awful thought. And a worse one that there are more people like this.

Seriously, who looks at a picture of a friends sick child and thinks: they are shit parents, rather than, poor child, I wonder if the family needs anything? What would have to be the matter with you to think like such a twat?

MammaTJ · 05/09/2013 23:42

Twunk, how can there not be signs of mental distress when going through this? Are you just good at hiding it?

I am more used to elderly care and mental distress at the illness of a loved one is seen as the norm.

RoxyFox211 · 05/09/2013 23:42

Yabvu. No matter what you think of it, its irrelevant at this point in time. They are the people going through shit.
Not a time for you to be judging their actions really. Your post has made me very ConfusedConfusedConfused!

MammaTJ · 05/09/2013 23:43

Poppets I have been reported to SS myself and it is upsetting but they look at the real picture, not just taking the person reporting word for it.

poppetsaplenty · 05/09/2013 23:45

Yes Twunk and OnTheBottom, they probably still are on my fb. It stopped me from using fb for a while, so reduced my fairly limited support network as a single parent even further.

I'm actually glad that I don't know who it was. Otherwise I would spend energy and time on disliking them. But it still does my head in that it was someone close to me. It feels like the ultimate betrayal

Twunk · 05/09/2013 23:51

MammaTJ I have to stay as positive as I can because my sons need me. Thankfully all the news since the first terrible news has been positive which has buoyed me up at times. But we are waiting for some very important results (in about 6 weeks) and I know I will find it harder and harder to cope. I think tbh I'm just getting used to the stress, rather than it actually going.

OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly · 05/09/2013 23:52

Comfort yourself by knowing they have way bigger problems than you. Like being a twofaced, spineless, judgemental twatbadger with the emotional intelligence of a kitkat, for a start.

thebody · 05/09/2013 23:57

fucking unbelievable that anyone would do that but someone that you regard as a friend? behind your back? words fail me and regard not often. utter bastards.

thebody · 05/09/2013 23:59

thoughts to all in here suffering as their children are ill or suffering. it's vile. but know true friends support you.

poppetsaplenty · 05/09/2013 23:59

Thanks OnTheBottom!

poppetsaplenty · 06/09/2013 00:04

Thank you thebody. They may have meant it in a genuinely concerned for my son's welfare. But that is almost as bad Sad

BeeMom · 06/09/2013 00:18

Crawl back into your little "I can't deal with this" cave and hide.

My 7 year old daughter is a Hospice patient, one of my dearest friends said the final good bye to her 11 year old son yesterday. Children can and do get sick and die - and it isn't always pretty, either.

YAB ridiculously U.

BedlamGoon · 06/09/2013 01:06

Op - yubvvu

Bet u r no longer on this thread as it might not be conducive to ur fragile little marshmallow world where all is soft sweet and uncomplicated.

It Pains me that brave and resilient mums and dads have to put up with this utter crap! Though hopefully such "friends" are really more distant acquaintances rather than those who really care for you and who can be counted on.

Loving twunks face stroking and buffing maching!

WeAreSeven · 06/09/2013 01:28

Yes axure that's the first thing I thought of when my daughter died, "This is great ammunition to bully people on MN with" Hmm

OP, when dd was in NICU, we didn't know she was going to die. The doctors thought she would be fine. There are pictures of her on FB from a couple of days after sbe was born to the day she died. I spent hours in NICU. I couldn't stroke her, prem babies don't like it. I got go hold her once a day, they thought she would get too stressed otherwise.

I didn't spend all my time taking pictures. Taking a picture takes 10 seconds. The rest of tbe time, I expressed milk, got lunch, played Sudoku. I also spent ages just staring at her and thanking God for her.

My friends and family got to know her through facebook. Tubes, wires a and all.

When she came home, I took a picture of her with one of her brothers. I put it on facebook. It was the only picture of him and her together. My younger son accidentally deleted it from my phone so if it wasn't for facebook we wouldn't have had it at all.

I didn't know my daughter would die. There are bereaved Mums on here who have brought their children to A+E for what appeared to be minor tbings but never brought them home.

I will never stop putting pictures of any of my children on FB, sick or well.

BeeMom · 06/09/2013 02:06

WeAreSeven exactly - I do my best to gather as much bullying ammunition as I possibly can through my child's suffering. After all, what else is it good for?

When she was granted a trip through the Children's Wish Foundation, I was accused of "bragging", too. I would have given everything to make her not qualify.

I have pictures of Bee in the Critical Care unit, and the playroom, A&E, ambulances, the helicopter as it took off to transfer her 200 miles away... any one of those pictures coult be the last record I have of my daughter. If someone doesn't want to see them on Facebook, they are more than welcome to take the time to "unfriend" me - in fact, block, me... then I'll not have to deal with their petty foolishness at all.

FFS - what kind of charmed life does someone have to lead to even have the notion that they have the right to determine the appropriateness of a FOAF's concern for their unwell child?

ilovecolinfirth · 06/09/2013 05:44

I can understand why seeing a sick child can make you feel uncomfortable especially if you have your own child. People have many different reasons for responding by putting pictures up.

I put a picture up after my child came out of an operation. He looked a sorry state; exhausted, pale, sweaty. But the picture was of him eating a sandwich and a packet of crisps. After everything he had been through that day he was showing signs of normality and I had captured it on camera. I wanted to let people know he was doing fine and that i was incredibly proud of him. I also appreciated the support that people gave me on what was the worst day of my life (he doesn't remember a thing).

ilovecolinfirth · 06/09/2013 05:50

Only just read some of the later replies. Some incredible and brave mums out there. So much respect and sympathy. Pictures in Facebook must bring you so many emotions and must be a great comfort to you. My child's operation pales into insignificance.

everlong · 06/09/2013 06:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

strawberrypenguin · 06/09/2013 07:22

Some really vile posts on here from people who (thankfully for them) clearly have no clue what it feels like to sit by their child's hospital bed.

I am one of the lucky ones I go to bring my child home and looking at him now you couldn't guess what he's been through. Yes I posted pictures on FB and I still do. The people on FB are close to be and my settings are tight.

I hope this thread doesn't put anyone off posting on FB or anywhere else for support.

Thanks to those of you who have lost your lovely DC. I can only imagine the pain it must still cause you. Thank you all for sharing them with us a little bit.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 06/09/2013 07:35

cannot believe axures post is still there
bloody disgraceful

deemented · 06/09/2013 07:58

Jesus bastad tapdancing christ. This thread is vile. Fucking horredous.

Why haven't MN deleted it yet?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 06/09/2013 08:02

good question dee.
shameful

Sirzy · 06/09/2013 08:16

Nohnobs - I thought the same, I reported it last night and I know at least one other poster posted to say they had. I am very shocked that MNHQ apparently think that such posts are ok :(