To find it amusing how women that are obsessed with how they look and are in love with themselves...

[Nonalphamum]

.......are often perceived by others to be 'very beautiful' when often they are not.

I am thinking of two examples really; the first is a mum from my DCs school. Early forties and totally obsessed with the way she looks and constantly putting 'selfies' on Facebook of herself posing. she is average looking but I know lots of women that are far prettier and more natural. Yet because she thinks she is gorgeous everyone queues up to tell her how gorgeous she is and lots of mums at the school seem to be taken in by it too 'X's mum is so beautiful'. I think they are taken in by it as she wears nice clothes, has hair extensions, fake tans, nail extensions etc.

The second is a woman I know from an online forum. Again average looking but totally in love with herself and absolutely covered in fake tan and make up, and posting constant selfies again on Facebook. She is known as the 'beautiful' one from the forum but in all honesty I think lots of other members are far prettier and more natural.

I know I'm going to be accused of being jealous, and I'm truly not. I just can't understand why people are taken in by that kind of person. It's like if a person loves themselves then everyone else assumes they must be beautiful. A bit like the Emperor's New Clothes scenario.

My daughter is very beautiful. Yet she takes three hours to get ready, is plastered in heavy make-up, false eyelashes and thick liquid eyeliner.

But no - it's not vanity. She hates her lovely face and has dysmorphia and depression. Fakery helps for her - she says it gives her a mask to hide behind.

I really really dislike the plastic/barbie asthetic that is currently a la mode...

Fortunately, my DD and her friends feel the same.

However, this isn't to be confused with not making an effort on appearance. I spend a lot of time and money on that. It's just probably less conspicuous.

something If the thread was about vanity approaching an epidemic I'd agree, but the OP specifically talks about people being "taken in by that kind of person" as if it's some sort of con. And subsequent comments have acted like these women are doing something harmful. Or accusing them of being "too confident".

punk That's hard :( Dysmorphia is evil. I'm so sorry she's suffering with that

MurderOfGoths I'm usually the one arguing your point, tbh, so will probably have to give in. Personally, I probably just dressed "grunge" to attact the right type of boy (one in doc martens) rather than to challenge any stereotypes. Still find it disturbing when yet another Jenna Jameson lookalike enters my office asking for help with her stats homework though

To be fair though SomethingOnce, the OP didn't post a long tedious exposition about the vanity epidemic, self-obsession, glossies, slebs etc. She just had a bit of a slightly strange go at two women she knows and what they post on Facebook.

Haha I bet. And yes, I wanted to "win" the goth boys and gain the love of the goth girls. My real motives for dressing that way were less than idyllic, much as I'd have fought tooth and nail to deny it I was "making a statement" honest!

Punkat - really sorry your DD's struggling. Must be so hard for you. Is she in treatment? (I believe there's a good psychological treatment trial going on in London for under 18s, or at least there was a few months ago).

Yes, it's the confidence! And of course, it's ok to fall in love with yourself.

I can think of some mums like this down at swimming lessons. My husband had to pick up dd2 once. I told him there were lots of gorgeous young mums down here that made me feel a bit plain and frumpy.

Bless his heart, he came home and told me they looked terrifying to him. He may have said it to bolster me, but he definitely seemed put off by the orange skin, fake hair/eyelashes and super high heels. There is something hard edged and aggressive about so much artifice for casual day wear.

(treatment for BDD, that is)

I tend to think that niceness and a natural inner beauty shine through all the false tat people put on top. One of the most attractive women I know is a bleached blond with some extra false hair, a bit over weight. She always dresses beautifully (though I know quite a lot is from charity shops) and wears quite a lot of make up too. She is simply one of the nicest most friendly people I know and has a wicked sense of humour. She is adored and thought of as very good looking by all who know her - and rightly so!

TheUgly I'm not so sure.

I loath the asthetic of hair extensions/fake tan etc...but I don't resent the time and money spent. I probably spend as much if not more. Just differently, and in my eyes, to better effect.

I know I look at those people in their fake tan etc and feel jealous that I don't have the cash to spend on myself that way. Or the time!

no no no!

In my opinion it's annoyance with another person for constantly provoking situations where they manipulate others into listening to them, validating them, admiring them. Even when your own self-esteem is healthy it can be something you do notice in other people. I know I notice it. It doesn't chew me up because I don't want to be like that. I don't want people to be manipulated into giving me validation. I want a more genuine sort of affection or validation. But all the same, if one person is getting a lot of attention it can make everybody else feel like they're ghosts, shouting and never heard or seen.

"In my opinion it's annoyance with another person for constantly provoking situations where they manipulate others into listening to them, validating them, admiring them."

So don't listen/validate then? Other people can do it if they like. Are they holding a gun to your head?

I think confident people can and do look beautiful. It radiates out. How can you have too much confidence? Should confident people be brought down a peg or two then as they may not be as physically attractive as someone else? Why shouldn't they be confident and happy with themselves?.

Oh great another thread where women bitch about each other

Does it really matter to you op how this women dresses or how she chooses to present herself? Why does it threaten you?

I as ripped to shreds on another thread and told I had "issues" because I dared to post that I am happy,confident and fairly attractive at a size 16. I was told I was too confident and it must be fake lol. You cant win on here

I think we should all feel very complimented when people make a lot of effort to look nice. After all we are the ones who look at the end result. Hurrah for us! The fact that we might personally not give a toss about how they look shouldn't take away from the fact that they cared!

Orm I like that :)

My most glam and beautiful friend ACTUALLY works on a cure for cancer, so it is not mutually exclusive.

I know plenty of women in fleeces who don't work on world peace or cancer.

Without any irony, or sarcasm, I would like to salute all those people who make an effort with their appearance. And the fact that people can be "tricked" into believing someone is beautiful is great, a lot more democratic than having to have been lucky with genetics!

We can CHOOSE to be beautiful, isn't that great?

Looks like interesting thread! I will read when I have time