To find it amusing how women that are obsessed with how they look and are in love with themselves...

[Nonalphamum]

.......are often perceived by others to be 'very beautiful' when often they are not.

I am thinking of two examples really; the first is a mum from my DCs school. Early forties and totally obsessed with the way she looks and constantly putting 'selfies' on Facebook of herself posing. she is average looking but I know lots of women that are far prettier and more natural. Yet because she thinks she is gorgeous everyone queues up to tell her how gorgeous she is and lots of mums at the school seem to be taken in by it too 'X's mum is so beautiful'. I think they are taken in by it as she wears nice clothes, has hair extensions, fake tans, nail extensions etc.

The second is a woman I know from an online forum. Again average looking but totally in love with herself and absolutely covered in fake tan and make up, and posting constant selfies again on Facebook. She is known as the 'beautiful' one from the forum but in all honesty I think lots of other members are far prettier and more natural.

I know I'm going to be accused of being jealous, and I'm truly not. I just can't understand why people are taken in by that kind of person. It's like if a person loves themselves then everyone else assumes they must be beautiful. A bit like the Emperor's New Clothes scenario.

You dont have to have fake hair,tan,nails to the excess to have beauty in a physical way the ugly fuckling?Although obviously everyone has a differing perception of beauty.
i dont have anything fake except my foundation and eyeliner etc and i dont use a lot but people still say im pretty?

"In fact people who are naturally stunning without a shred of make-up of designer gear have no need for this kind of circus do they."

I don't think how naturally attractive someone is actually makes a difference with whether they need the "circus". If they are lacking in confidence and been taught that their self worth is intrinsically tied up to how they look then they probably will need all of the comments/adoration to fight against their own self image. Being pretty wont save them from that.

Ok OP,is it the looks of these women or is it the attention they get you dont like?

Oh sorry

TheSmallClanger you sound quite bitter, tanned people can look beautiful and fair people can look beautiful. Shoving all tanned people - fake or real - into room 101 does seem a bit odd to me.

A good spray tan can look just as great as the real thing in a way that a bad one will look as awful as people with burnt shoulders etc. It's all in the application and yes it can smell dire when it is applied but how on earth could you possibly smell it 3 days later when presumably the wearer has had several showers in the interim .

yeh and to me that screams that they've never accepted or dealt with the fact that they're not beautiful.

I remember the day it dawned on me, at about 11 that I was not conventionally 'pretty' (never mind beautiful) .. it made me sad. But I guess if you face up to it and you are content and you don't feel that you are obliged to be conventionally pretty to deserve your space on earth then you get over it.

People with false eyelashes and hair extensions and an over the top tan with full make up and high heels and nails etc,,, it's like they haven't accepted that they're not eye-catching. Well, that could be a load of bullshit.

You don't have to be at high school to notice high-school-like behaviour among people you know. I don't do facebook for exactly this kind of reason - I can't be bothered with all the nuances of making sure people feel sufficiently complimented/have had enough attention paid to them, it reminds me of being 12 and I don't like it. The fact that I've noticed it and would rather opt out of it doesn't make me childish, and likewise with the OP.

And actually to get a bit feminist I think it is a bit of a problem that a certain number of women are caught up in this dynamic, whichever role they're playing. It's a waste of time and feeds insecurities. I'm totally in favour of women enjoying clothes and make-up - I do - but the insecurity about and obsession with appearance that affects some people is debilitating.

" it's like they haven't accepted that they're not eye-catching"

Why should they?? For fuck's sake, society layers on the pressure on having to look a certain (unattainable) way, in a way that causes so much damage, if people want to believe they are beautiful then fucking let them.

YWNBU to find it amusing, but you don't do you? Instead you find it annoying, which is BU.

Aren't we always saying that with kids it's more important to praise for effort than for something intrinsic and unearned? Well, people are just responding here to these women's obvious efforts. People thinking that they are pretty does not affect them thinking that any of your more 'natural' friends are pretty. Or that you are pretty. There is not a limited pot of pretty to go around.

If you have a broader societal point about standards of beauty or the focus on female prettiness, I'll totally be on your side! But this smacks of the (junior) schoolyard.

It's not about fakery; I believe what you may be "jealous" of, if anything, is about these women's supreme confidence and willingness to lavish attention on themselves. You think these women truly believe "they're worth it". It's self confidence that is attractive/ reassuring to others.

Inside however, these women might be more lacking in confidence than you and other "natural" beauties - that's why they can't be seen without tonnes of makeup, hair, nails etc.

I know two women like this. One is an absolute star and has a heart of gold. The other is a total bitch. You can't judge by appearance.

Of the two, the nice one once told me "you gave to blow your own trumpet; no-one else is going to do it for you unless you do it yourself". Too true. Look after yourself, give yourself attention, and others will follow suit.

there is nothing wrong with accepting the way you look feeling happy about it (wish i did now) and working on it

i used to be very very pretty always told and had great figure without any effort

i occasionally had bad vibes from other women, ones who would be bitchy about anything but admitting that i thought i was good looking was always meet with how can you be so big headed etc

but people place an awful lot on good looks, being told as a child constantly that you are beautiful, going to be stunning when you are older is not good its like a pass to everything that just does not exist you do not necessarily get better jobs, better partners and often can leave you feeling that is all you have to offer which men get bored with after a while as people want more i had it but felt the best part of me was my looks that is very shallow but that is what i had been bought up to beleive

all children are beautiful but no child should be made to feel extra special because they are pretty to most it is damaging believe me

kaosak, only a bit bitter from repeatedly having snarky comments made about my own natural skin tone, often by someone with an orange face and a distinctive whiff of cat piss about them. Who often witters on about how her "Fake Bake" is sooooo natural-looking.

murderofgoths, it isn't that I mistrust genuinely attractive people. It's the popular, confident ones who have people flocking around them for no obvious reason.

So only people who are beautiful already should bother? And if you're not, give up now because you will be perceived as fake. You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear.....

smallclanger Maybe they have people flocking around because they are good to spend time with? Maybe people flock around because they think the confidence will rub off on them? Maybe they've brainwashed everyone into flocking around them? Hard to know. Best not to assume though.

I did say I didn't understand it. It is instinctive and probably irrational, but I can't stop.

the people I know who do this most likely do have low self esteem. They are also show off's and have a smattering of the arse about them.

So, if you're naturally beautiful its fine to be complimented. But if you work hard at looking the best you can - that's a bad thing and show's you have low self-esteem? Or maybe you just like clothes and stuff.

The selfies on fb - surely that's a bit teenage though? I don't have anyone on my fb who does that as we're grown ups.

I do wonder now though if everyone on mn is looking for a QueenBee/Wendy at the schoolgate and in truth, they're aren't that many around.

I understand that, done it myself. It's a shame though that we fall into these traps so easily.

Females have so much help at their disposal nowadays, when I think back to when I was younger I remember no one having false eyelashes, hair extensions or false tans (only holiday tans). If you had bad teeth you just put up with it. Girls had hair appointments but not for every night out. Times are very different now and I think we have become a bit obsessed with how we look. I don't know who to blame glossy mags, models becoming the new Hollywood stars, reality TV, newspapers full of trash about celebs, low education expectations, the list goes on. My young daughter describes Towie type characters as being gorgeous whilst I prefer a more natural look. It makes me wonder what the next 20 years will bring

So only people who are beautiful already should bother? And if you're not, give up now because you will be perceived as fake. You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear.....

That.
As others have said confidence is very attractive. These non-natural beauties are making the best of themselves, they may not have been blessed with your version of natural beauty (which is subjective) but their personality/charisma/confidence makes them alluring to others.

I think I would prefer it that way than people liking others based purely on their looks, which are a matter of luck/genetics and not something someone has worked on iyswim.

Exactly Lizzylou, exactly!

I dont care what anyone looks like as long as they dont live with the belief that everyone SHOULD look the same.