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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find it amusing how women that are obsessed with how they look and are in love with themselves...

237 replies

Nonalphamum · 03/09/2013 10:36

.......are often perceived by others to be 'very beautiful' when often they are not.

I am thinking of two examples really; the first is a mum from my DCs school. Early forties and totally obsessed with the way she looks and constantly putting 'selfies' on Facebook of herself posing. she is average looking but I know lots of women that are far prettier and more natural. Yet because she thinks she is gorgeous everyone queues up to tell her how gorgeous she is and lots of mums at the school seem to be taken in by it too 'X's mum is so beautiful'. I think they are taken in by it as she wears nice clothes, has hair extensions, fake tans, nail extensions etc.

The second is a woman I know from an online forum. Again average looking but totally in love with herself and absolutely covered in fake tan and make up, and posting constant selfies again on Facebook. She is known as the 'beautiful' one from the forum but in all honesty I think lots of other members are far prettier and more natural.

I know I'm going to be accused of being jealous, and I'm truly not. I just can't understand why people are taken in by that kind of person. It's like if a person loves themselves then everyone else assumes they must be beautiful. A bit like the Emperor's New Clothes scenario.

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 03/09/2013 10:39

Confidence makes a lot of difference.

In the same way that the most beautiful people can appear quite plain because they have no confidence in themselves.

KingJoffrey · 03/09/2013 10:39

Why do you care?

Also, these women may not "love themselves" at all. They dress in a certain way and that's fine. Doesn't mean anything.

Original poster
Nonalphamum · 03/09/2013 10:40

I just find it amusing, that's all. I wouldn't say I'm losing any sleep over it or caring all that much

OP posts:
MurderOfGoths · 03/09/2013 10:41

Also "taken in"? In a society where even the most stunning women are criticised for the smallest things I think those with the confidence to rise above it should be applauded.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 03/09/2013 10:42

I know what you mean OP. In school there were two sisters who were not conventionally pretty at all...but had the best clothes and nice long hair../as a result they were treated like princesses!

OctopusPete8 · 03/09/2013 10:42

I think confidence is key, plus most people do infact look better with tan,there's a lot of pale. pasty people in this country.

ElaineVintage · 03/09/2013 10:43

You sound really nice.
And yes, I am being sarcastic.

KellyElly · 03/09/2013 10:43

Better to have confidence and think you look good than to be lacking in confidence.

LimitedEditionLady · 03/09/2013 10:43

I think you are annoyed by the fakery. I dont think fakeness is beautiful and do wonder sometimes what people ACTUALLY look like!

Original poster
Nonalphamum · 03/09/2013 10:44

NeoMaxi, that's exactly the type of person that I mean; has nice things but isn't particularly beautiful yet they get treated like royalty. I think it gets into a cycle too; everyone says the person is beautiful as everyone else does and they all follow suit.

OP posts:
Crowler · 03/09/2013 10:44

I think it's cool when a woman doesn't submit to all this nonsense and is secure in her own skin. Very few of those about.

I'm not crazy about women who are uber-groomed and uber-smug. I'll admit I feel different varieties of irritation based on whether they are actually beautiful or not. The former is straightforward irritation, whereas the latter is laced with a bit of pity.

Original poster
Nonalphamum · 03/09/2013 10:45

Yes KellyElly I do agree but sometimes there is such a thing as too much confidence, that's when it becomes arrogance IMO.

OP posts:
squoosh · 03/09/2013 10:45

'I think confidence is key, plus most people do infact look better with tan,there's a lot of pale. pasty people in this country.'

There's also a lot of orange people, these days I always notice the pale person out of a crown of tango people. Looks far more elegant than fake tan.

KellyElly · 03/09/2013 10:45

LimitedEditionLady But it could just be perceived as making the best of yourself. I don't see the difference between false nails and tanning and having your hair coloured.

SoleSource · 03/09/2013 10:45

Loving oneself and being very vain are two different things.

LimitedEditionLady · 03/09/2013 10:45

The confidence thing is true,i wouldnt dress myself up as much as some because I dont like drawing attention to myself.

KingJoffrey · 03/09/2013 10:46

Maybe they're really nice people and that's why they get so many comments? They're popular and people will gravitate positively to pleasant, outgoing characters.

Also, they sound fairly "groomed" and people will pick up on that and will compliment accordingly. Just because they choose to dress in that way doesn't mean that they are "obsessed" with themselves at all though! I think that's a really harsh thing to say.

MurderOfGoths · 03/09/2013 10:47

" there is such a thing as too much confidence, that's when it becomes arrogance"

Oh yes, don't get too confident, people prefer to be able to knock you down a peg or two. Bloody hell..

Feminine · 03/09/2013 10:47

Is it because you think it unjust perhaps?

You talk about how they are not natural etc...

If they were beautiful/ natural (in your eyes) would it sit better with you?

squoosh · 03/09/2013 10:47

But good for these women and more power to their confidence, there are enough people who can't even look at their own reflection in the mirror.

Although I'd question if they're actually confident at all if they're constantly posting selfies on facebook looking for people's approval.

LimitedEditionLady · 03/09/2013 10:48

I didnt say there is a difference with tan and nails and getting your hair done?Its not making the best if you completely change it.

Original poster
Nonalphamum · 03/09/2013 10:48

Squoosh, that's exactly the thing that makes me think perhaps they are not confident after all

OP posts:
DowntonTrout · 03/09/2013 10:48

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that.

As murderofgoths says- confidence is a huge factor. Maybe the grooming, hair extensions etc gives them the confidence to feel good about themselves.? As someone who tries very hard to look my best, not to the extent of extensions or fake tan but just generally, I am well aware that other people are slimmer, prettier, more attractive naturally than I am. Perhaps people think I am vain. Maybe people like you judge me?

So why bother? Because it makes me feel better about myself.

Zoe909 · 03/09/2013 10:49

There's a difference between ego and healthy self esteem though. I think somebody can have an ego the size of Russia and still have low enough self-esteem that they provoke situations where they will be validated or admired.

Take miley cyrus. Very extrovert, very confident, but Confused low self-esteem or an insecure sense of self??????

LadyBigtoes · 03/09/2013 10:49

Don't let it get to you. I do know what you mean about women like this, there are some, but they are probably like that because they need reassurance, and that set-up is a (rather convoluted) way to get it.

On facebook, as at the school gate, people tend to revert to playground-like/12yo behaviour and you get a queen bee and her followers who prop them up. The followers get the queen bee's approval and so it's a mutually beneficial relationship.

Just observe them and resolve not to be like that. There are always people who are out of that loop / can't be arsed with the game-playing and they are better people to be friends with anyway.