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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I love my children too much to work full time..

402 replies

LostMarbles99 · 31/08/2013 20:31

AIBU to be royally pissed off at the person who said this to me today?

Am just back at work 2 weeks after birth of first baby who is now 7 months. 'Friend' was adamant that I must regret it and then proceeded to say that she loves her children too much to be working full time.

Yeah because I hate my child and can't wait to get away from him Hmm

I'm working full time as I'm the main earner and we need the money.

Why are people so insensitive?

What do you say?

OP posts:
soverylucky · 01/09/2013 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Therealamandaclarke · 01/09/2013 13:03

It is true that some parents might make cutbacks to spend more time with their DCs and maybe others wouldn't.
But the point is, surely, that it doesn't mean the SAHP neccessarily loves their DCs more than the FT / PT WOHP, which is the potential implication of OP's friend's comment.
None of this surprises me though sadly, as I can reca,ll a thread not so long ago where mothers were berrating ech other for the size of their changing bag. Go figure!

Therealamandaclarke · 01/09/2013 13:04

Bastard spelling. Sorry.

He11y · 01/09/2013 13:06

Parenting can bring out the worst in people, that's for sure.

Maybe the OP could have a quiet word with her friend and say she felt upset about her comment as she does love her child and is doing what she feels is right?

janey68 · 01/09/2013 13:06

Therealamandaclarke- you've hit the nail on the head.

Where on earth does someone even get that idea in their head, that whether you work ft, pt or not at all, is a measure of how much you love your children?

He11y · 01/09/2013 13:08

It has been said on here that people who choose to stay at home didn't really need to make sacrifices, soverylucky.

soverylucky · 01/09/2013 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

janey68 · 01/09/2013 13:08

Oh Christ I've heard it all now. A 'quiet word ' to explain that actually, she really does love her children?

Er... Nope, lose this 'friend' sharpish OP. Someone that narrow minded (and unable to think outside the box as to why someone else might be working!) is hardly going to find it easy to get their head around it. Save your breath

soverylucky · 01/09/2013 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

He11y · 01/09/2013 13:10

Ok, under what circumstances does a mother have no choice but to return to work when their child is a few weeks old?

50shadesofmeh · 01/09/2013 13:10

I've been on the receiving end of the attitude that I should " just cut back" " cut my cloth accordingly"
" cut down on treats"
So maybe it does touch a raw nerve. The fact of the matter is if I didn't we wouldn't pay our bills.
I would ADORE being a Sahm but I'm not prepared to make my family live in poverty to facilitate it.

Portofino · 01/09/2013 13:11

You could try living in a van instead 50.....

He11y · 01/09/2013 13:11

You're just being rude and bitchy now, Janey, so I'll ignore you until you are able to communicate like an adult.

He11y · 01/09/2013 13:12

Could you work part time, 50sadesofmeh?

swallowedAfly · 01/09/2013 13:13

so who is going to pay for your friend's child's food, clothes, fuel, etc? because it won't be free even in a van.

so either she has money, is going to depend on someone who does or she will be living off of benefits.

a van doesn't make life 'free' suddenly.

50shadesofmeh · 01/09/2013 13:14

Nope Helly

swallowedAfly · 01/09/2013 13:14

and when she wants the child to be schooled will she just park her 'van' in a good catchment area and apply from there?

janey68 · 01/09/2013 13:15

Try reading the OP. Her child is 7 months not a few weeks. I assume that she cannot afford to live on the vastly reduced income at this stage. You see, I believe it if someone says they can't afford not to work. Just as I'd believe someone who says they can afford not to work by making sacrifices

And as for ft- maybe the OP has no choice. Maybe she has tried to reduce her hours but can't because a flexible working application was turned down. Or maybe she wants to work full time.

You see- when you are truly able to think outside the box, you can get your head round more than one idea

He11y · 01/09/2013 13:15

She doesn't want to live on benefits, hence her decision.

That's an extreme example and is being used to ridicule my point of view when it's not something I'd ever consider myself, so I'm not going to say any more about it.

There is obviously extremes and most of us sit in the middle somewhere.

soverylucky · 01/09/2013 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

He11y · 01/09/2013 13:16

If she wants to work full time, then why is she bothered about the comment?

He11y · 01/09/2013 13:17

We have benefits to cover temporary and unforeseen circumstances though.

soverylucky · 01/09/2013 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

janey68 · 01/09/2013 13:19

Why is she bothered? Because its an ignorant and rude thing to say, to imply that love for a child is measured by how many hours are worked.

If a 'friend' said that to me, it wouldn't make me question my decisions or life, it would make me question why I had a 'friend' who was either very thick or very Nasty

HTH

He11y · 01/09/2013 13:19

Her child is home educated and the lead up to her home educating is partly why she has made such an extreme choice, swallowedAfly.

Tough circumstances sometimes call for very tough choices and they've had a horrible time.

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