to just give my dd the foods she will actually eat?

[macnab]

Our little girl will be 3 in October. Was bf and did blw with her and she was a great eater for a long time. When she was about 18/20 months she got a tummy bug and went off food, fair enough, but she hasn't returned to 'normal' eating habits since.

She will eat the following:

Shreddies or Weetabix (with warm milk)
Bread or toast (white) with butter
Pancakes (I put 2 eggs in the batter) only spread with apricot jam, nothing else
Yoghurt
Fruit of any sort but her favourite is banana, pineapple, pear, peach & kiwi

My husband thinks we're too soft on her, and that if she was hungry enough she'd eat the lunch/dinner. But I haven't the heart to send her to bed hungry because she won't eat the dinner we're having and is begging for Weetabix. Her 5 yr old brother is a good eater so she sees the rest of us eating meals, she just really doesn't want to eat anything else. Last night I gave her a small serving of pasta and sausage and she went to bed hungry (told me she was hungry) having not touched a bite.

On the one hand I worry that she's not getting enough nutritionally (I give her a dose of Kiddy Pharmaton each day but am worried about protein) but at the same time I don't want to make an issue of food and I am hoping its something she'll grow out of. My husband thinks that at almost 3 she should have grown out of it by now and we should take a firmer approach. BTW she's never ill, isn't underweight and is a really happy little soul.

Opinions?

Also just to add this might not be the most appropriate board but its not really a 'weaning' issue and I didn't know where else to post it. If anyone feels strongly that it should be on another board just say.

I would say that is no where near meeting her nutitional requirements. No child ever starved themselves to death voluntarily. Your DH is right IMHO. Toughen up a bit. A few nights going hungry may focus her mind. Still give her weetabix for breakfast and fruit.pancake as a snack so she's not cold turkey...just peckish!

YABU i'm afraid. fair enough to change what she has while ill - mine go onto a bread and jam and banana diet when ill (GP recommened for tummy bugs) but as soon as they are well its straight back to normal. Children will not starve themselves, if she is hungry enough, she will eat.

I refuse to have fussy eaters,they eat what is on offer or go hungry. my 3yo sometimes refuses things for a while but I keep offering it and eventually he starts eating it again. she is unlikely to suddenly go back to eating normally if you don't provide the opportunity for her.

I would imagine many children have actually thrived on a diet like you described. They just didn't ask anyone.

Children do go through crazy eating habits.

Your best bet would be to learn how to disguise food. There must be lots of recipes on-line.

Actually, what I might do , it serve up what she does like-then in a tiny bowl put a little of what you are having. Just to try.

The Americans call it a "no thanks bite!"

just to add, I always keep the refused meal until the next meal time so if he decides mid afternoon he is hungry he gets the lunch back again so he doesn't learn that by refusing lunch he can still get a snack later.

also don't get into a battle with her. put the meal down and if/when she kicks off say 'this is your meal. your choice is to eat it or not but there is nothing else until dinner' and refuse to enter further conversations on the matter.

This sounds exactly like my cousin, he's almost 4 and this has been going on since a stomach bug at around 18 months.

His has become a sensory issue, so YANBU. He is not a fussy eater, he actually cannot cope with food, it's very stressful and upsetting for him.

He is getting help from a children's dietician but he's a long way from getting better.

He'll only eat bread, buns and cakes. Only very rarely he'll eat fruit/veg. I feel so sad for him.

Whilst dd has a lot of days where she won't eat as I'd like, I'd be worried about the lack of protein, have you tried letting her add sprinkle cheese/ketchup/pepper to her dinner or involved her in the cooking of it? My dd likes the sense of being in control of her eating by being able to add things at the table. Good luck op.

I think you are absolutely right to not make an issue of it. The only thing her diet is lacking is.protein .how about little bits of chicken or egg for snack time, so that she doesn't really notice?
3 is just about old enough to go to bed hungry if she doesn't eat what you eat.
What works in my house is none negotiable no pudding if dinner isn't eaten.

yanbu.
keep offering a wide range of foods but let her eat her favourites if she wants.
the last thing any child needs is to get into power struggles with parents over food (imo). her diet will begin to vary as she gets older as long as you don't put pressure on her. kids know what they need and as long as you're not offering only junk, which you're not, she'll be fine. try not to worry.
my dd was similar - ate anything we gave her. then she went through a few months of being really picky, i think it was just an exercising independence type of thing. we just let her have what she wanted (not junk though) and now she's back to eating whatever we put in front of her again.

i wouldn't make a big issue of it, but I wouldn't give her just those foods that isn't a good diet for anyone.

I would give normal family meals but make sure one of them at least has something you know she will eat. I would try things like savory pancakes to try to persuade her.

Going to bed hungry wont do any harm though.

That sounds really hard.
It is lacking in protein which is important for growing kids and white bread has no nutrition. I'd be temped to take the tough approach and not indulge her.

My ds is just three and for a long time now has stuck to bread, chicken and breakfast cereals such as cornflakes (No sugar). Couldn't get him interested in fruit or veg, or carbs (spuds, rice, pasta) then all of a sudden last week he discovered sticky rice that he could pick up, and magic green balls! Aka... Peas! I agree if you push the issue they dig in their heels for the sake of it. I can recommend making homemade pizza, involving them in the toppings?

It's a difficult one, dd1 was a poor eater and we locked horns, once I relaxed she gradually got better and now eats most things! However, I have a friend who literally gives her 9 year old whatever she wants and her diet is v poor and limited.

I had the same happen after a stomach bug that went on a long time, I got mine eating a wide range of foods but it took years rather than weeks, she was already a fussy child and a long period of feeling sick made the diet very limited.

I did it by offering all foods we were eating all the time, in bowls on the table, so she could help herself (control back to her).

When she was older, I insisted on eating a small portion of a normal meal before sweet things (all the things on your list are basically sugary carb foods).

Going to school/preschool helped as there's less power struggle there and they eat a lot of different foods there- pay for school/nursery dinners, may seem a waste but much more likely to stretch the palate than giving her jam sandwiches every day.

I do have a friend who let her ds eat very limited food (basically jam sandwiches) and he still only eats that aged 9, so if I were you, I would make a big effort to get her back eating with the family, even if she refuses everything initially.

Also- what incentive does she have to try anything new when all the things she eats are basically sweet tummy filling stuff, no veg, no real fibre, no protein? I think rewarding her for trying new food (even just being very encouraging) is a good idea- also get her eating say plain pasta, then add cheese, and within a short amount of time she may eat it with a sauce on and so on.

But never turn it into a power struggle, if you make her eat food she hates, you might win in the short term but you won't win the war, she'll just refuse it next time/thow it/cry. Just put the food down, let her help herself, don't comment if she doesn't eat it and so on.

You need to be serving her a plate of whatever everyone else is having, otherwise she has no opportunity to change what she eats. Just asking her if she wants to try what you are having isn't enough, it needs to be on her own plate in front of her.

You don't need to make an issue out of it by doing that, you can do it calmly and without a battle, and if she refuses to eat anything then that's her choice. She really won't starve herself long term.

If you only ever serve her weetabix and 'acceptable' foods, then you are basically telling her that its ok for her to only eat those things forever and she will have no reason to try anything else because its easy for her to get what she wants.

My DH became a fussy eater at four years old, and his Mum only ever have him the food he wanted. He ended up developing a phobia of food which followed him well into adulthood and affected much of his school life and social life. He can eat a good diet now, but only after a lot of heartache and hard work which could have been avoided if his Mum hadn't been so spineless.

Thanks for the replies.

This has been going on for a long time now, more than a few months, which is why I'm worried.

As I said in my OP, my main concern nutritionally is lack of protein. She gets pancakes twice a week so I'm hoping the eggs in them will at least give her a small amount of protein.

I really can't see how I could incorporate what she does eat with what we're having for lunch/dinner. If I put a small bowl of Weetabix or a piece of bread & butter next to her pasta or rice etc. she'd just eat the Weetabix and leave the rest. Same for fruit.

This morning she woke up hungry! She ate 2 Weetabix and a slice of toast. I work ft and my mum minds her at the moment, mum knows her 'ways' so will just give her bread & butter and fruit at lunchtime because that's pretty much all she'll eat. From next week she'll be going to a minder so maybe a new environment and a new authority figure might make a difference.

I'm really torn. I wonder should I just go cold turkey on her, not making a big fuss but being firm about it, that's the only meal option and if she doesn't eat it she goes to bed hungry. It just doesn't sit right with me but at the same time she's growing up now and I don't want to have a bigger problem on my hands in 1/2/3 years. But if she doesn't eat that, and I'm not giving her what she 'likes' then what will happen?! At least now she eats lots of fruit. I know its not the biggest problem in the world but its always at the back of my mind and I just can't decide how to tackle it.

macnab How does she feel about getting messy? My cousin can't stand it and gets very agitated if he's even around people who are eating messy food.

Sorry while I was posting there were other replies that I've only read now.

Seems the consensus is to take control (but not in an obviously 'controlling' way!) and not give in to her crying for the foods she wants.

Its going to be hard to not make an issue of it, but I will speak to my husband and we'll take a united front and give it a month to see what happens.

Just to add, I do already give her her own plate of whatever we're having, she just won't touch it. I make homemade pizza with my DS (5) and although she likes to watch she's got no interest in eating it. Again, we'll start from scratch with a fresh 'no frills, no fuss' approach and see what happens

Thanks so much for the feedback

DontWannaBeObamasElf - she doesn't mind getting messy at all. She was weaned with blw so is well used to mess. Her language is excellent too so she understands what is being said and is well able to tell me what she feels/wants. Just a bloody fussy eater!! (she is a wee dote though!)

so her whole diet consists of sweet things?!

errrr no way

yabu

Yanbu. The rubbish about sending children to bed hungry or keeping the last meal to set down again makes me . People who spout this type of nonsense have never had to deal with a truly fussy child. My ds1 will be 3 in November, he was a fussy eater right from the start, but regressed even further from he was about 20 months. His diet is not dissimilar to your dd, heloves weetabix, rice crispies and cornflakes, yoghurts, all bread and pancake type things, peanut butter, bananas and apples. Sometimes he will eat cocktail sausages, and a small bit of fishfinger, and he has only recently started to eat chips. Not the best dinner foods, but at this point I'm just happy when he eats anything that vaguely resembles a dinner. I too was worried about protein, but I didn't realise that milk and dairy products are such a good source. Ds drinks lots of milk, he wont even try juice, though im happy enough with that for the protein. Have you tried peanut butter? It's a great source of iron and protein too.

My DD eats bloody allsorts at nursery, but at home she will only touch a handful of foods, so i know how you feel, but i have to say i use the method that your DH suggested, she will not let herself go hungry and is now starting to eat different foods.

Yes, its tough but works!

I just can't get over how much she sounds like my cousin. Could you take her to the GP for a referral?

With it starting when she was poorly she may have associated illness with food, just like my cousin did. He wouldn't eat through fear of being ill again.

I think this is really hard. When people say 'Don't make an issue about food' though they mean don't get in to the psychological battles over food you see some parents and children get into which make mealtimes stressful for everyone - bribery, cajoling, nagging, threats etc have no place at the dinner table.

But clear boundaries - this is dinnertime so we don't eat Weetabix now, for example, and positive reinforcement and letting them explore stuff at their own pace are all fine.

I think DontwannabeObamasElf is right and it sounds like a sensory issue because she was poorly. Strong tastes and unusual textures are unpleasant for her, so if you badger her into eating you will just make her distress worse. But reinforcing healthy eating behaviour as positively as you can is a good idea.

Love Feminine's idea about the 'No thanks bite' - didn't know that phrase but DD does this with my dinner most days. She generally only serves herself the bits she wants and eats those, watches me tuck into the fish or meat, asks to try it and then has a portion herself. I never bother putting fish or meat on her plate at the beginning of a meal but I know she'll have eaten some by the end.

Some other things you could try...
Work with the things she likes already. Could you have savoury pancakes one day? Then she could have hers completely plain if she likes (obv no jam as a main meal) or try a mouthful of cheese or ham too.
Similarly you could try an omelette as an alternative to pancakes. I'm not a big fan of deceiving children. Tell her we're going to try an omelette for lunch, make it with her just like a pancake, even have a sweet one with jam. And if she isn't keen no big deal.
Emphasise all the things she is good about eating - children easily internalise messages about being 'fussy eaters' and then there is no reason for them not to be. Tell her how pleased you are that she tries plenty of different fruit etc.