to just give my dd the foods she will actually eat?

[macnab]

Our little girl will be 3 in October. Was bf and did blw with her and she was a great eater for a long time. When she was about 18/20 months she got a tummy bug and went off food, fair enough, but she hasn't returned to 'normal' eating habits since.

She will eat the following:

Shreddies or Weetabix (with warm milk)
Bread or toast (white) with butter
Pancakes (I put 2 eggs in the batter) only spread with apricot jam, nothing else
Yoghurt
Fruit of any sort but her favourite is banana, pineapple, pear, peach & kiwi

My husband thinks we're too soft on her, and that if she was hungry enough she'd eat the lunch/dinner. But I haven't the heart to send her to bed hungry because she won't eat the dinner we're having and is begging for Weetabix. Her 5 yr old brother is a good eater so she sees the rest of us eating meals, she just really doesn't want to eat anything else. Last night I gave her a small serving of pasta and sausage and she went to bed hungry (told me she was hungry) having not touched a bite.

On the one hand I worry that she's not getting enough nutritionally (I give her a dose of Kiddy Pharmaton each day but am worried about protein) but at the same time I don't want to make an issue of food and I am hoping its something she'll grow out of. My husband thinks that at almost 3 she should have grown out of it by now and we should take a firmer approach. BTW she's never ill, isn't underweight and is a really happy little soul.

Opinions?

I think its very tricky as I was an extremely fussy eater as a child and still suffer with some food related anxiety issues now.

What would have helped me was taking all the pressure off me to eat so making sure the focus is not on the food or me, giving me no attention or making any sort of issue over if I ate or didn't.

I think gentle encouragement is fine as is allowing them to play and muck about with the food - making food fun.

My dd normally has supper before bed anyway and is a good eater (much better than I ever was) so I would look at toast or cereal before bed as supper.

My diet as a child was limited and I have managed to grow into a healthy normal sized adult so try not to worry too much

runes I think sending a 2 year old to bed hungry is mean too. Having been a food phobic fussy eater, it's anathema to me, but even if I wasn't, it's just not in me to try and make my children to eat certain foods by methods such as sending them to bed hungry.

Just wondering: I try not to be emotional about food/dinner times, but dd will go on and on and ON about how she won't eat whatever she has decided she doesn't like. It'll start while I'm cooking and go on thro the meal. I just repeat this is what we're having, just eat what you can/want but I don't want a big discussion about it.

But she sort.of makes it.into a discussion...how should I deal with that? It gets really stressful after a while and I genuinely don't.force her to eat stuff, I separate out.food.so she.can be.in control of what she has... not sure where I'm going wrong :-( (sorry for the hijack, just such an emptive issue for me)

Think you have the right approach, OP - you need to expand her diet in a firm but fair way, but you also need to keep the emotion out of it if at all possible.

Will your CM do a cooked lunch, or a sandwiches/bits on a plate type thing? Win for you if it's a cooked lunch, as you won't need to fuss so much over dinner!

Do watch out for her filling up on breakfast after going hungrier the evening before - this can easily become a habit, especially if she's strong-willed. If she knows she can always increase the breakfast foods in the morning, then she'll fill up then and not be hungry for lunch and it becomes a vicious cycle.

Things to try, maybe:

Swap Weetabix at breakfast for Oatibix (hopefully to lead on to porridge etc. eventually), have one day at least where you offer something totally different to the favourite

Soups with bread/toast to dip in (add to cheese to sprinkle, start with tomato soup or another flavour she likes then add red lentils etc for )

Things in pancakes (banana and peanut butter?)/savoury pancakes (can hide cream cheese for protein, is quite bland)

French toast, as mentioned by lots of people - make an apricot jam sandwich then dip in egg and fry, this could be a good one to do with her so she can see what's gone into it.

Tortilla pancakes big hit with mine - make quesadillas (can be as simple as ham/cheese/tomato puree then dry fry) or add your own filling fajita-style with lots of bits on the table.

If she likes most fruit, then tomatoes, peppers, carrots, peas and sweetcorn, plus of course sweet potatoes should appeal to her sweet tooth.

Basically you want to encourage her to eat what you guys have, but no pressure initially if she doesn't try. So serve lasagne with bread and a salad, if she only eats the bread then OK. After a while she'll get bored and try it.

I also agree with someone upthread who says get her to choose something from the shop/greengrocer/supermarket herself just to try - amazing what that will do sometimes.

Good luck.

My DS is the same & we reached a compromise of sorts when he went to cm and nursery. He had to eat what all the other kids ate but at home he maintained his restricted diet of no fruit/veg.

Try messy play with food at a time when she is relaxed & happy so fill bowls with cooked & dried pasta, jelly & custard. You join in too, get her to feel the textures & smells of different foods, use play figures & occasionally taste the food giving her lots of praise when she does.

Do lots of cooking so that she can see that food isn't scary & taste little bits on the way. Start with familiar dishes first and gradually introduce new dishes/ingredients. Don't expect overnight improvements but the main thing is that she feels safe & not pressurised because then she will dig in her heels. That won't help anyone then.

Good morning, just wanted to thank everyone who contributed overnight, I've had some really good advice and suggestions.

I will have to plan what I'm going to do each day and then stick to it, will get her involved in the prep and cooking too - although she already does sometimes, she loves cracking and beating eggs but won't touch the finished product (even though she used to love omelettes) - but I'll not mention her eating it at all, just that she will help me in the kitchen.

Thanks again, and in particular to those who have been through similar and come out the other side.

macnab Lidl and Aldi are both doing the fruit and veg pouches now so that might be a cheaper option for you.

I have a very fussy dd who is 7 now and improving all the time.

Some things I did that worked for us:

Stopped trying to get her to eat wet meals like casseroles as she just wouldn't eat them. I got her a plate with 3 sections and put each part of the meal (meat,veg,potatoes for eg.) in a separate section.

Stuck with her safe meals while continuing to cook very aromatic, tasty things for us, while never offering them to her unless she asked to try it.. I got her eating curry, tagines, stews that way as sometimes the smell was too hard to resist.

I started buying mini veg for her. They have packs in Dunnes with baby corn, green beans, mini carrots etc.

I accepted that there are some things she will never eat. She hates cheese and pasta. Never would eat them even when she was being weaned. She can taste cheese in anything.

I also experimented with different soups and found one - carrots, parsnips, butternut and sweet potato with red lentils that she loved. It is too sweet for my taste but might suit your dd if she is used to sweet foods.

Also instead of constantly offering spuds for dinner I sometimes did and chicken, baby veg and a garlic bread slice.

I think as a Irish mammy I was a bit hung up on the meat and spuds type of dinner as being the best one.

HTH

I think as a Irish mammy grin I was a bit hung up on the meat and spuds type of dinner as being the best one.

Hah - my DD wouldn't eat potato in any form till she was about 8. Not even chips. But given that mankind everywhere apart from the Americas survived without them till the last few hundred years, I really didn't care. Pasta or rice is easier

OP - just a thought - it does seem that all your DDs preferred foods (apart from bread) are low in salt. Do you salt your home cooking? If so try leaving it out and everyone else can salt their own. And prob avoid offering sausage, bacon etc. Unless you're sweating a lot - which small children don't - you really need very little salt, there's no virtue in 'savory' food (ie salty) over low-sugar non-salty food.

Oh, and I wouldn't get too hung up about white vs wholemeal bread - too much fibre isn't great for small kids and she'll be getting it from the Weetabix and fruit.

Weetabix isn't low in salt at all, Grimma!

OP - glad you've had plenty of sane advice. I have 2 boys with ASD and seem to spend much of my life getting them to push their boundaries a little. It's taken until he's 7, but DS2 now eats pasta, if it's well soaked in tomato sauce!

Gently pushing those boundaries is definitely the way to go. Re using a star chart, you can reward her for being a big brave girl for taking a bite of toast with a new topping on, such as peanut butter or primula cheese spread. And covering it with breadcrumbs was definitely the way to get protein into DS2 when his diet was at its most restricted. He'd peel the crumbs off and eat those first, but they still tasted of what was in the middle and that eventually got popped in his mouth. All his diet is really lacking, these days, is veg.

I wouldn't recommend rewarding her by calling her 'brave' or equivelant. She is eating food like the rest of her family, by making it out to be 'brave' is turning it into a massive deal. Keep it matter of fact and keep emotion out of it. Praise such as 'good eating', 'lovely mouthfuls' and fantastic joining in, everyone eating together'! Keeps it factual and positive.

Weetabix isn't low in salt at all, Grimma!

Its low compared to 'savory' food. Bitesize shredded wheats are the best but Weetabix isn't bad compared to many other foodstuffs - especially with milk.

I was a fussy eater child, beyond fussy, I was terrified of food. Unfortunately my DS1 (5) has inherited it (my mother was much the same too!). Nothing worked for me, food was hidden in food I'd eat, I was forced fed, not given anything else etc etc.. I still didn't eat anything but I what I wanted. GP, therapists and dieticians couldn't help either.
It got better once my parents backed off and with time.

I don't force my child to eat anything he doesn't want to. We go for no fuss, he has a meal I know he likes (which is the same everyday) and periodically I offer him what we have. He gets so stressed out about the idea of new food, I think backing off is the only way. He also has a daily vitamin drop. He doesn't get ill very often and he has as much energy as his peers, he's also doing well at school

I get scoffed at by mothers with non fussy eaters and told "a day living with me will sort him out" but I know my child.

Oh and to be clear, I have a second child who I've done the same with and he eats everything.

Yanbu and your DH is a nob!
The eat it or else approach to a child with issues is lining them up for a lifetime of food hang ups.
There ARE children who will starve rather than go hungry. There are children who are so stubborn they will sit and stare at a plate of congealed food for days without eating it.
Your child was ill and is associating that illness with food.
Try making food fun. Cook little things with her. Have taster sessions, play. Hide things in the dishes she does eat, get her to eat with friends who have broader tastes than her and see if she will copy, but whatever you do don't make a huge issue out of food.
I have two teens. Both raised on healthy foods, both treated the same. One ears everything, one eats nothing. There is no rhyme or reason.
She is very little still. Give her vitamin drops and get her to eat something, but don't FORCE her. Try gently to introduce things slowly.

Dd was similar to yours. We were told by a dietician that it didn't matter what she ate but what she was offered.

A turning point for us was when we told her she must try a food but could spit if out if she wanted. She spat it out but had somewhat got over her fear of trying new things.

She now tries a bite of anything as we've religiously stuck to that rule ever since and stopped the spitting it out very quickly.

I used to be looked at with pity by other people (you could see how grateful they all were thatbis was not their dc!) but interestingly she now tries and likes a lot more food than most other children of her age.

She's still not an enthusiastic eater (unless it's junk or favourite food) and fairly light but will eat.