Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to just give my dd the foods she will actually eat?

140 replies

macnab · 27/08/2013 09:46

Our little girl will be 3 in October. Was bf and did blw with her and she was a great eater for a long time. When she was about 18/20 months she got a tummy bug and went off food, fair enough, but she hasn't returned to 'normal' eating habits since.

She will eat the following:

Shreddies or Weetabix (with warm milk)
Bread or toast (white) with butter
Pancakes (I put 2 eggs in the batter) only spread with apricot jam, nothing else
Yoghurt
Fruit of any sort but her favourite is banana, pineapple, pear, peach & kiwi

My husband thinks we're too soft on her, and that if she was hungry enough she'd eat the lunch/dinner. But I haven't the heart to send her to bed hungry because she won't eat the dinner we're having and is begging for Weetabix. Her 5 yr old brother is a good eater so she sees the rest of us eating meals, she just really doesn't want to eat anything else. Last night I gave her a small serving of pasta and sausage and she went to bed hungry (told me she was hungry) having not touched a bite.

On the one hand I worry that she's not getting enough nutritionally (I give her a dose of Kiddy Pharmaton each day but am worried about protein) but at the same time I don't want to make an issue of food and I am hoping its something she'll grow out of. My husband thinks that at almost 3 she should have grown out of it by now and we should take a firmer approach. BTW she's never ill, isn't underweight and is a really happy little soul.

Opinions?

OP posts:
MrsSchadenfreude · 27/08/2013 10:44

Give her what you're eating. It won't hurt her to go to bed hungry on a couple of occasions, and hopefully she will eventually come round.

DD1, who is now 15, has a friend who has always refused to eat food with lumps in it. Her mother pandered to this, and she has spent several years with a speech therapist - as she has never chewed anything, this has affected her speech enormously. I know this is extreme, but this child was literally only fed porridge, weetabix, soups, angel delight and risotto, or things that she could suck and swallow, like bread and jam. At 15 her speech still isn't particularly clear.

exexpat · 27/08/2013 10:44

Have you tried some kind of sticker chart or reward system for trying new foods? If she could be persuaded to try a bite of a new food every mealtime (without spitting it out) you might be able to find a few more things she would eat regularly.

Edendance · 27/08/2013 10:45

It will turn into an issue if you get cross of show extreme emotion to her with regards to food. Present her with the foods everyone else is eating at all meal times, don't bat an eyelid if she doesn't eat it/gets cross etc. stay as calm as you can- be totally boring. Don't allow her to get down from the table though.

She will get hungry and realise soon enough. You need to tackle this NOW before she's much older. It will only turn into a power or control issue if she can see that not eating gives her power- which currently it does as you make her the food that she wants. Take the control back by giving her the same meal as the rest of the family- you'll have a very cross hungry little girl but she is more than able to understand how eating and mealtimes should work- you've just not allowed her to do so.

I'd cold turkey her if I were you- give her a usual weetabix/yoghurt breakfast as that's a suitable breakfast and then avoid her other foods at other mealtimes initially so she doesn't rely on them to stop being hungry and not eat anything else. And get some 50/50 bread in too! At least a little healthier for everyone!

SavoyCabbage · 27/08/2013 10:48

I would be worried if my dd had weetabix for breakfast and bread and fruit for lunch for just one day, never mind months. There isn't enough nutrition in there for her to grow and develop properly. And it's all sweet.

Have you tried French toast? It's a bit like pancakes!

What about handing things over to our dh for a whole. It must be frustrating for him.

SweetBabyCheeses · 27/08/2013 10:48

I had this with DS after an awful stomach bug when he was 9 months old, it looks like it might be quite common. It lasted until he was 14 months.

He had to eat one spoonful of what we were eating at dinner time and then he could have his waffles or toast - there was a limited range of foods he could tolerate. Over the weeks I gradually moved it up to 2 spoonfuls, then three etc.

It was frustrating and annoying but I didn't want to have a child who would only eat chips. He didn't snack between meals so he was genuinely hungry and the issue is now resolved and he will eat anything. Don't resign yourself to her being as fussy eater, it's worth trying a slow and steady approach.

WilsonFrickett · 27/08/2013 10:49

One of my real mantras with DCs is to only 'change one thing' at a time. She's about to start going to a CM (instead of granny) so that's a big, big change for her. I wouldn't do anything while that's going on tbh.

I'm assuming as well that the CM will feed her? See, I'd be tempted to just see how that goes for a few weeks. She may be entirely different with someone else - but whatever you do, don't prep the CM with the 'approved' foods. Let her just feed DD as she normally would any other charge. If she eats different things with her, then slowly, slowly start to introduce these items at home.

But I think starting to push on food generally is a difficult thing, and more so if she's already going through a big change so I'd take it easy.

One thing though - orange breadcrumbs. The entry-level to so many foods. If she eats something like a fishfinger at the CM, you can progress to breaded chicken, potato shapes, etc. Yes these aren't the healthiest things in the world, but then you progress to taking the breadcrumbs off. DS (ASD and the fussiest eater in the world) had roast chicken and potato croquettes without a murmur last night. So it can be done, but do it slowly. 'Getting tough' doesn't really help anyone ime.

SweetBabyCheeses · 27/08/2013 10:53

Also, I mind a child who won't eat any food in a sauce at home and has a list of about four things he will eat. His parents completely pander to it. However, he eats everything here. He had two massive bowls of spaghetti bolognaise (sp?) here for his lunch yesterday because he wants to eat what the other kids are having.

So when your daughter is in her minders care, let her eat what the other kids are having for their lunch.

BiddyPop · 27/08/2013 10:53

DD is 8 now, and has gone through periods of eating well and widely, and periods of fussiness. (She has aspergers and some sensitivities seem to surface at times because of that, which doesn't help). And the meds she is on have a side effect of reducing her appetite - which also doesn't help.

We have always tried to get her to eat as much and as healthily as possible. She is not a great meat or fish eater at all, and doesn't eat a huge quantity generally. She is allowed some treats (biscuits, crisps, sweets etc) but also has to eat proper food, and it wouldn't be as often as a treat every day during the day. I have been happy for her to have a "cookie" (usually something like a couple of biscuits, caramel slice or scoop of ice-cream) going to bed with a glass of milk - she does need more food, and if it means she will have SOMETHING extra going to bed, I will go with that at the moment. If she is actually still hungry at that stage (when we have growth spurts especially), she gets an apple and will often eat it. I don't want to have too many rows about food so she starts refusing it, as long as we have SOME balance between good and not so good food (and at the end of the day, she needs the calories).

In the past couple of weeks, as part of preparing for back to school, I've been introducing new ideas. So together we drew up a list of dinners that she loves - there are about 8 on it. Every week, she will help me write the menu (I tend to write a rough menu for the week's dinners when doing the shopping list at the weekend) and she will be allowed to choose 2 off that list that we will all eat. But we will have at least 1 night that we will have something she doesn't normally eat (either generally just DH and I eat it, or a completely new recipe to us all) and agrees to try that. (My plan is to have something that I know she'll eat on the table that night too - tomatoes and cheese maybe - just in case).

She is also much more likely to eat a meal if she has helped to choose the recipe and/or prepare it. So she often mixes things, she's big enough now to chop, she has been whisking eggs since she was 1, and she can get out ingredients herself now too.

I have also found recently that she is more likely to put food on her plate if I put things on the table to serve ourselves. Either the full dinner (last night it was lasagne), or some side dishes (like a bowl of tomatoes, or coleslaw) - she may not finish it all (we will work on that too once we are better at eating plenty), but she is more likely to take food when it's her choice. And putting small portions on her plate rather than a large portion I would like her to eat - she is more likely to finish it, may ask for more, and there are fewer arguments about eating and she seems happier that she HAS been successful in clearing her plate.

And I've also found that DD is a grazer more than a "3 large meals" person - so putting out lots of smaller (mostly healthy food) snacks at intervals can help too. Like raisins, apples, grated cheese, carrot sticks, rice cakes, toast with nutella, etc. And drinking lots of milk.

It is hard to watch but she genuinely does not seem hungry and does eat what seems to be enough to keep her going (not growing hugely and very skinny, but Dr is watching generally and not concerned about it). So we just do our best to make sure she does get as much food as possible, and the balance (between healthy and junk) is kept as positive as possible. And not give her any issues around food that will give her bigger problems in the future.

From what you have said, it certainly looks like everything she eats is healthy and there is something from each food group. That is a good thing at least.

HeySoulSister · 27/08/2013 10:55

What will she be eating at the childminders?

peanutMD · 27/08/2013 10:59

Please be careful with the "no child will starve themselves" advice.

My DS ate all sorts until he was 14 months at which point he stopped eating anything except toast/cereal at which point we were told the above by a health visitor, so we did it and 4 days later DS was paved in hospital on a stop because he refused to easy full stop so sine children will happily starve themselves.

My DS has seen dieticians, allergy specialists and a therapist to see if there are any issues but 6 years on we're no closer to figuring out what's behind it.

All we can do is try to give him enough of the foods he will eat which aren't unfortunately very nutritious at all (cereal, honey, toast, bread/butter/jam/lemon curd, French fries, waffles, fish fingers, sausage rolls, chicken dippers, cheese pizza, cheese slices, banana, raisins and grapes.)

LadyMilfordHaven · 27/08/2013 11:01

people who dont have fussy eating kids just DONT get it. That annoys me.

Its quite worrying. S1 will only eat a limited range but now he is 15 ( and 6 foot 1!) peer pressure is starting to kick in and watching us eat stuff he has added steak and things to what he eats

peanutMD · 27/08/2013 11:05

Oh dear auto correct gone mad!!

*4 days later DS was put in hospital on a drip and some children will happily starve themselves.

I should also say that he has almost been hospitalised twice since for the same reason, he is now being referred to investigate a possible food phobia.

Birdsgottafly · 27/08/2013 11:05

From a nutritional POV, It wouldn't hurt to ask for a referral to a child dietitian.

It is interesting that you mention Protein, i am vegan and that was my main concern.

However, we don't need as much Protein as we think, it is Animo Acids that we need to make use of our Protein intake.

Extensive studies have been done, in poor regions of the world and in Vegan communities, a lack of protein only occurs when there is overall malnutrition and it isn't the biggest concern, when that occurs.

I have really bad teeth because my Mother fed me whatever i wanted, i didn't get invited many places, as i was a brat over food. It left me with problems into adulthood, as i had to starve myself (and live on diet coke which is worse than crack for your teeth) during my teen years to keep my weight down.

Our relationship with food and what we comfort eat on, is set during childhood and can have a massive detrimental effect on our life.

Personally i would ask for help with this and get tougher.

DrCoconut · 27/08/2013 11:06

DS1 was a very bad eater. He had a phase of several months where potato was the only thing he'd eat. And it had to be in a crunchy format such as chips or waffles not mash. He then introduced a few other things but when he started school I could count the foods he'd eat on my fingers. He ended up at a dietician who said never make a big deal of food, give him what he'll eat rather than forcing unwanted foods on him or starving him, and gradually try to bring new things in. Start simple, say bread rather than chips, plain dry cereal rather than something exotic and milky. So that's what we did. His eating at age 14 is far from normal but he is better than he was and will eat apples or bananas now a well as cereal, bread or toast, chicken, fish fingers, potato still(!), bacon, yogurt, crisps, chocolate and ice cream. Recently he has experimented with pasta and coped with it as long as it was just buttered, no sauce. In his case we now know that he has ASD which accounts for his problems but I just wanted to share a difficult eater story. People whose kids go through normal boundary testing fussing often have no idea how hard it is to have a seriously difficult eater. I have been told so many times to make him eat, let him starve etc. the longest he went with no food at all when I tried to be tough on it was 3 days and there was no sign of cracking. He just said he didn't like it and would rather not eat. This was pre diagnosis btw. We had (and still have at times) what he called a tongue taste where he didn't even have to put a new food in his mouth, just lick it initially. It did help overcome some of the anxiety for him and he accepted a few new foods that way.

macnab · 27/08/2013 11:06

thanks again for all the replies

Maybe with such a big change about to happen in her life I should ease off a bit? She will be going to a minder Mon/Tues/Wed, will be minded at home by my mum on a Thurs and I'm moving to a 4-day week so will be home with her every Friday. On top of that, she'll be going to pre-school on Tuesdays and Thursdays (from 9:30am to 12:30pm) We're in Ireland so no school meals here, but they do pass around a snack platter in preschool but from what I remember with my DS going there its usually fruit so of course she'll love that!

I was going to give the minder a list of the things she likes but as others have pointed out I think I'll just let her go and see what she eats there. I will tell her minder that she's been fussy but that we're going to try deal with it so just to give her what she would normally give other kids and take it from there.

The more I look at the list (short as it is) I can see how poor it is, she doesn't drink milk at all just the milk she has in the Weetabix and everything else is sweet. Yes I will introduce brown bread (I eat it myself just nobody else in the house does!) or maybe start on 50/50 for the kids.

As for my DH, well he has an opinion on it but he does absolutely 0% of the cooking in our house and I could start a whole thread about that! So he'll back me up but won't be involved in the prepping or cooking etc. He works very long hours so its usually just me and the kids eating in the evening.

OP posts:
AFishWithoutABicycle · 27/08/2013 11:08

I watched something on tv where they made lots of different textured and temperature foods. (Ice cream, scrambled egg, custard, jelly, chicken chunks) and put them in little bowls and just touched and smelt them. I think they made pictures with them too. Then they worked up to actually tasting them. If its a sensory thing it might be a fun way of letting her experience different textures.
Personally I wouldn't make dinner a battle ground but I haven't had your issues.

FootOfOurStairs · 27/08/2013 11:08

My DD eats much better in "company" than just with us at home - I am constantly amazed by what she has eaten at nursery or the CM, so you may see some changes in the coming weeks.

I absolutely agree you should not make an issue of it, meals should be sociable and enjoyable, not stressful. My DD1 is incredibly fussy, and would have a v limited diet if I "let" her, I try and meal plan to suit the majority of the family i.e ignoring her specifications, as they would be so limiting, but I always add something to a meal that I know she will eat or fill up on. I do not make her eat anything & she knows she will not be forced, and I do not allow discussion about what she doesn't like at the table or removal of items from her plate (otherwise her sib would copy). So, she always gets a small portion of what we're all having, but she doesn't have to eat it, and she can have the garlic bread/naan etc and the yoghurt/fruit after BUT I do not cook separate meals. Sometimes she ends up eating loads of what we're having, she nearly always tries it, and she doesn't get to have a list of things she won't eat/have on her plate as that would stress me out.

Admittedly, my DDs list is a lot longer than yours but I think you could gradually increase that by modifying/adding and some refusal to provide alternatives that are at odds with the rest of the family. I would not feel comfortable sending a child to bed hungry but I make how much to eat completely DDs choice.

LadyMilfordHaven · 27/08/2013 11:08

lol at coconut

s1 hates potato - will eat processed chips obv but not home made wedges. hates the taste of potato against his mouth

obv ate it till the age of about 6

jessieagain · 27/08/2013 11:10

Yanbu.

My son is a fussy eater and we did blw and he was fussy even as a baby Confused Hmm

He has always been very cautious about trying new foods, even as a baby and he has quite a limited diet.

Weetabix, whole grain bread, bananas, oranges, watermelon, pears, oven baked fish (which I refuse to give more than 2x a week due to toxins, but its the only meat he will eat), chips (only deep fried not oven baked!), yogurt, cheese, rice cakes, plain penne pasta or penne with a tiny amount of tomato pasta sauce stirred through, eggy bread.

He is still breastfed, down to once a day, and I am torn about stopping now, even though I want to stop for myself, as I know it is good nutritionally for him.

So no vegetables or red meat (has never even tried a sausage!) I do worry about iron, have been meaning to look into getting a supplement for him.

I think he gets enough protein though as he has yogurt, whole grains, cheese and eggs most days.

I refuse to get in a battle over it.

He has the same breakfast, snacks and lunch as us. At dinner I serve him what we are having and we ignore him not eating it or picking at it, and he has a piece of bread on his side plate (we do as well) which he always eats. Once dinner is over that is it, nothing until breakfast.

We will keep doing this until he is older and understands more (he is 26 months) and then I will introduce a reward chart for trying new foods, as this is what bothers me the most, he doesn't even know whether he likes it or not as he hasn't even tried it!

Mumsyblouse · 27/08/2013 11:12

There is a middle way between putting a large portion of what you are having out and not letting her have anything else, and giving her Weetabix for every meal.

I would serve the next night's dinner up in bowls so people can help themselves. I would not serve Weetabix as this is not a dinner food. I would put spoons out with everything, and give her an empty plate and tell her to take what she likes. If she takes nothing, say nothing. If she takes bread and butter, so be it. But keep offering the normal food- research shows that it takes about 18 offerings to one eating for small children to try a new food they don't think they'll like.

If you start every meal assuming she won't eat the normal food and offering her Weetabix or pancakes she won't ever have an incentive to try new things.

But just plonking a whole different dinner in front of her won't be the answer either.

All trying of new things gets heaps of praise too.

peanutMD · 27/08/2013 11:13

LadyMilfordHaven I totally agree!!

I hate the insinuation that its the parents fault. I do however acknowledge that most of the foods my DS will eat are junk but if its the choice between that and him getting himself into a state of panic every single night resulting in getting wired up in hospital again I know which I'd rather.

So no he's not just "fussy" or "spoilt"and its not because we just "pander" to him Angry

macnab · 27/08/2013 11:16

Thanks Mumsyblouse that makes sense alright. I think the only thing I could offer along with our meals is bread & butter on the side (brown bread obviously!)

I will just have to dig deep for resolve. Its good to know that others are in the same boat, its also interesting to see different perspectives - for example I'd be delighted if my DD ate what your DS eats jessieagain! Shows how we all worry about them to varying degrees

OP posts:
Lweji · 27/08/2013 11:24

I don't agree with letting children go hungry at a meal because they won't have eaten anything.

However, other food should be offered at the same time as the foods they like.

For example, why not agree to have a very small portion of pasta and then weetabix or yoghurt?

Or mix the pasta with some fruit? Or at least have it on the same plate?

You can also make games with foods, share from plates, etc.

LadyMilfordHaven · 27/08/2013 11:25

Yup. The others eat relatively normally. I throw a hunk of bread at s1 in lieu of bread. Or say with carbonara just do him plain pasta with bacon as he hates the sauce. Only one of the three will eat baked potatoes or new potatoes. Sigh

LadyMilfordHaven · 27/08/2013 11:26

Tbh if I don't mention it being a pita then YOU should shut the fuck up Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread