to just give my dd the foods she will actually eat?

[macnab]

Our little girl will be 3 in October. Was bf and did blw with her and she was a great eater for a long time. When she was about 18/20 months she got a tummy bug and went off food, fair enough, but she hasn't returned to 'normal' eating habits since.

She will eat the following:

Shreddies or Weetabix (with warm milk)
Bread or toast (white) with butter
Pancakes (I put 2 eggs in the batter) only spread with apricot jam, nothing else
Yoghurt
Fruit of any sort but her favourite is banana, pineapple, pear, peach & kiwi

My husband thinks we're too soft on her, and that if she was hungry enough she'd eat the lunch/dinner. But I haven't the heart to send her to bed hungry because she won't eat the dinner we're having and is begging for Weetabix. Her 5 yr old brother is a good eater so she sees the rest of us eating meals, she just really doesn't want to eat anything else. Last night I gave her a small serving of pasta and sausage and she went to bed hungry (told me she was hungry) having not touched a bite.

On the one hand I worry that she's not getting enough nutritionally (I give her a dose of Kiddy Pharmaton each day but am worried about protein) but at the same time I don't want to make an issue of food and I am hoping its something she'll grow out of. My husband thinks that at almost 3 she should have grown out of it by now and we should take a firmer approach. BTW she's never ill, isn't underweight and is a really happy little soul.

Opinions?

Hmmm... I'd like to believe that about Nutella but you'd have to eat it straight out of the jar like I do a heck of a lot of it to get a significant amount of protein. (while checking protein content - ~2g per serving - I came across a recipe for a higher protein alternative which I intend to try)

This must be so frustrating. Can you try combining foods she likes & getting her onto a different range of tastes & textures that way? For example making banana bread or banana pancakes or peach muffins? I know none of them are the healthiest foods but it may broaden her range a bit. Or, to get more milk into her, a banana smoothie.

I see you've said that Ella's kitchen pouches are eaten, have you tried any of the ones with meat in them? Might give an extra source of protein even if only once or twice a week.

I can't claim to have a fussy eater (a bottle refuser and non sleeper though so I am aware of the "rod for your own back" brigade) but one thought is that my DD is more willing to eat healthy food when she's a) in the buggy and distracted looking around, and b) as a snack somewhere like soft play, when she's ravenous after hard work playing. Also she knows when we're out and about that if mummy says that's all there is to choose from, that's all there is (e.g. cherry tomatoes, cheese or breadsticks). At home she will know there are plenty of other options (and where they are kept!). Also for meals, moving on from blw I have pretty much stuck with finger foods, small portions on a plate and give more of something when she asks for it. If I put a large portion of a food it seems to be really offputting.

I agree though that you should wait and see how it goes with the childminder, I am always amazed at what DD's nursery manages to get her to eat! Good luck

thanks GrimmaTheNome yes I figure the pouches are a better snack than a packet of crisps! but my god they are expensive. I have tried her with similar pureed veg (I often have mashed butternut squash in the house as I adore bns risotto!) but she won't take it - I confess to even trying to refill a used pouch but that didn't work too well!

Great post Mumsyblouse it makes a lot of sense to me. I genuinely don't think she has any sort of sensory issue and she's definitely not underweight for her age and height and as I said she's rarely ill. The Kiddy Pharmaton has amino acids as well as multivitamin so maybe that's helping.

I wish I didn't work full time, its hard going when you arrive in the door and have to prep/cook etc and then thinking about laying it all out on the table mezze style so she can help herself... that's very selfish of me and I will do it but I lament that it would be a bit easier if I was home through the day (going off topic slightly)

peanutMD

That isn't my approach tho, so it's not what I would do.

I've always just given my two whatever I have (and I enjoy cooking so I eat quite a variety of foods and spices) right from the word go.

They just wouldn't be in the situation of getting to the age of three or four and freaking out at the sight of something that wasn't sausages or plain pasta or whatever because I never let them get in the habit of dictating such a limited diet in the first place.

I serve them what I've cooked and they eat it. Or not. Whatevs.

Sorry. I don't doubt you want to stab me in my smug face for saying so. But it's true.

Emsmaman she did actually eat the lemon chicken and the minted lamb Ella's Kitchen pouches for a while, but won't anymore. I'd totally forgotten about that! Don't know would I try her with them again as I don't want to then end up with a child that will only eat pureed food! Oh god, as I said I know people have far more pressing issues in their lives but I would like to get this sorted.

When DD was two and a half,she was incredibly fussy about meals and ate tiny portions,if at all. I tried giving her nothing between meals and it made no difference whatsoever. The health visitor weighed her and was obviously worried. She said "I would never normally suggest this,but for the next couple of weeks,give her whatever food she wants,whenever she wants." It sounded awful, but we tried it,and amazingly it worked. After about two weeks of eating all sorts of odd things,she slowly started eating normally and food was never an issue again.

I'd change your approach to eating with her, give up on meals and give her a snack box of things she likes and doesn't that she can pick on through out the day. It will take more time than the cold turkey approach but will be gentler on all concerned and less likely to lead to long term issues.

Saucyjack, so have I but he wont fucking eat it!! You haven't got a clue.

I'd also steer clear of the pudding as a reward technique as it shows some foods as important than others and leads to the food as reward that so many adults hate doing themselves. It's why we 'treat' ourselves with a bar of chocolate at the end of a hard day.

So why hasn't he starved to death then runes

Let me guess....... it's because you then make him whatever he wants if he refuses his dinner, and he knows it.

But I'm the clueless one apparently

I am positive there is protein in milk. Will she have it as a drink - as well as with cereal?

However I agree with the others, you are going to need to force the issue a bit and I have experience. I have a really fussy DD - I really berate myself for mucking up her eating but my DS is the absolute opposite, he surprises me every day with what he will eat and in fact what he likes to eat!!! So my belief is they just can be fussy - and my DD sounds similar to yours in that she likes to eat things that are easy. The post above about textures / sensory issue really hits home for me in relation to my DD - she really struggles with anything "mixed up" or with sauce - she likes foods to be totally plain. She can't even eat a yoghurt with "bits in". And I do think she "can't" eat some things, or certainly strongly believes she can't....

I think your DD would probably cope with plain pasta which you could add grated cheese to over time. Then you can also add plain rice, plain couscous, plain noodles.

I have taken a variety of approaches with DD but to some extent it's the no nonsense approach - she does get a "normal" plate of food and no alternative. I do worry at times I am going to bring on an eating disorder as I do ask her to eat foods that I know she "can" eat - but if I don't, she would literally just eat plain carbs! She is getting better, definitely, although is nearly 9....

DD will now eat a limited repetoire of fruit and veg. She will eat any carbs (although does struggle with potato skins) and any plain meat. She also eats eggs, omlettes, cheese. I really hope she will grow to enjoy and appreciate different foods one day.

My son was VERY VERY fussy but I wouldn't have let his range become this limited. He mainly refused veg, potatoes and other healthy things. If he tried to eat something he didn't like he would gag and get upset. The strategy that worked long term was to always serve him the same meal as the rest of us ( I would tweak it a bit so he wasn't only being presented with things he hated all the time) and use sticker charts to reward when he tried something- even if it was a single piece of sweetcorn or a tiny shred of chicken. If he wouldn't eat he did not get anything till next mealtime, although I wouldn't present the same food again- it would just be the next normal meal. In this way, over the years, he now eats a completely normal diet aged 12, even the odd sprout. I think it's really important to be firm and consistent but NOT lose your temper or get into a battle with her about it or make a big deal out of it. Just present a healthy dinner, encourage, and reward!

Saucyjack I did what you did. My DD is a brilliant eater. She eats anything and is very confident about trying new foods. We are always getting praised for how well she eats, and her diet is impressively varied. She is even not especially bothered about sweet foods (though she does like ice cream). Obviously entirely down to me and my superior methods of parenting.

My good friend did the same thing, her DS is a fussy beggar who eats very little, detests fruit, meat etc. Will eat yoghurt, carrots, cheese till it comes out of his ears. That's about it.

How do we explain the different in the two case studies? The DC seem quite different in other ways too. Her DS is much better at recognising letters and numbers than my DD. Does that mean I am shit? He slept through the night much earlier and is a very happy little boy whereas DD can whine for GB if I don't play straightaway. So is she brilliant some times and not others? She has twins now and one of them is a really fussy eater too and the other is not, so it is almost like she is a part-time shit Mum.

Or maybe it could be...complicated.

But is introducing a reward chart not making a fuss of it? I find that a bit confusing tbh, I can see myself trying to cajole her into taking a bite or two of something and then a big fuss about the sticker and then the upset if she doesn't have enough stickers to get the reward etc. Is that not putting too much emphasis on it?

She is often given a small portion of plain (buttered) pasta because my DS loves that but she won't touch it. I'm not sure about her only like plain food, I have a varied diet and eat a lot of spicy food and she was breastfed and she did eat curry and spicy chicken when she was little.

Penelope

I totally get that some kids are easier to feed than others (my DD1 eats like a gannet with worms compared to DD2), and obviously all individuals have their own preferences...... but the key is to not allow your child free reign to their favourite foods in favour of eating a more varied diet. That's when you're setting the both of you up for a childhood of shite mealtimes.

Just don't let them eat the same three foods until they come out of their ears as a two year old, and by the time they're my girls age mealtimes/eating out becomes a pleasure rather than a chore.

Can I just say, and I'm putting it in caps so you don't miss it:

DON'T FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE YOU'RE AT WORK!

On two levels:

1. it's shit and does you no good
2. you could well be projecting your feelings about work on to food, making meal times even more stressful.

You are doing the best you can. In fact, you can make being at work work for you - it's easier to lay out a few bits and pieces than make a meal, you can get the CM to help you, etc etc.

'K?

I would avoid sticker charts for this to be honest, it creates a bigger deal than it needs to be. Provide a normal meal, give an amount of time for it to be eaten before it is removed and that's the end of the meal. As soon as you put stickers etc on it it turns into a battle, stay calm and clear and she'll eat 'normally' in no time. She will very quickly realise that not eating gets her nowhere.

Remove the emotion from the equation. The more you cajole and insist (and that includes the "you must try one bite" approach), the more likely it is that she will dig in her heels and refuse. So I would definitely be opposed to a sticker chart or anything like that.

My approach would be just to offer her whatever you are eating and then it is up to her to eat what she wants. If she doesn't want anything on offer, that's fine. But don't automatically offer her something else. Also avoid any sort of praise for eating one thing over another.

Eating can be such an emotional minefield, but avoiding power struggles is really half the battle (to thoroughly mix my martial metaphors!).

Totally agree with paperseagull- they've hit the nail on the head!

Thanks, that's what I thought. I'm all for reward charts to improve behaviour etc but can't see how it would help in this situation

and WilsonFrickett thanks for the reminder, I generally don't feel too bad about working its just the time constraints around dinner that I find hard.

DD won't be having dinner at the CM, just lunch and snacks.

I agree with seagull. Specially wrt girls. Tricky

Macnab, just on the pouches of veg puree, ok it's not "fresh from the pot", but it's veg, it's healthy, and she's eating it!

We don't have EK, but another brand, in our house (it's fruit purees in tubs like yoghurts and in pouches). DD (7) still likes those, and will often take one to school in her lunchbox as part of her lunch. I reckon, if she will take a pouch of fruit, and slurp it like a smoothie, that's good. It may not be the best, but it's a lot better than a chocolate brownie, for example. It's some fruit. It's energy. SHE WILL EAT IT VOLUNTARILY when I am not standing over her (and so much of her lunchboxes come home untouched, I want something she will eat!).

DD was BF and, while initially had awful reflux so to avoid projectile vomiting I had a very bland diet for 3 months, we went gradually back to quite spicy things again and she ate quite spicy stuff initially when eating herself. Now, she mostly wants relatively bland foods (in terms of spices) and we think that she is a "supertaster" in that way. Occasionally, she will try spicier things and has periods when they are fine, but then it will go pear shaped again and we need to give her milder versions and even go back to very bland and basic for her.

You are not alone, and there is lots of great advice here too from others.

I'm interested by the concept that if.I just give my dd what I have from.weaning then she will never be fussy. Because that's what we've done, she ate everything until she was 2, oh I was smug with my salmon curry eating child.

Then she just stopped. I did not.change what I did. But she still stopped. And has done for a year now. I kid you not. She will go.to bed with nothing.in her stomach, wake up, have breakfast and hold out till either the next day (excepting fruit) or the next meal that is acceptable.

But I know.plenty of fussy eaters. One was my mum who was terrible as a child. In a working class family of 9. In Wales. During rationing. Now she's an amazing cook and adventurous eater.

I just think there are a lot of assumptions/lazy stereotyping that goes on around food issues. And op I don't think yabu, I think you're a normal concerned mum who sounds very lovely.

I would go with the gradual approach. Don't go cold turkey on her - it's likely, IME to make mealtimes too traumatic for everyone and lead to bigger problems later on.

I'd use the foods she does eat and gradually modify and mix them with the things she won't eat. So if she'll eat toast but not pizza - try giving her cheese and tomato on toast (starting with just a tiny bit of melted cheese and a couple of tiny bits of tomato) and gradually build up until she's basically eating pizza, and you can add meat etc.

If she likes pureed veg, give her some soup and bread, gradually adding lentils or chicken; or soft roasted butternut squash and sweet potato with some small chunks of halloumi for protein.