to just give my dd the foods she will actually eat?

[macnab]

Our little girl will be 3 in October. Was bf and did blw with her and she was a great eater for a long time. When she was about 18/20 months she got a tummy bug and went off food, fair enough, but she hasn't returned to 'normal' eating habits since.

She will eat the following:

Shreddies or Weetabix (with warm milk)
Bread or toast (white) with butter
Pancakes (I put 2 eggs in the batter) only spread with apricot jam, nothing else
Yoghurt
Fruit of any sort but her favourite is banana, pineapple, pear, peach & kiwi

My husband thinks we're too soft on her, and that if she was hungry enough she'd eat the lunch/dinner. But I haven't the heart to send her to bed hungry because she won't eat the dinner we're having and is begging for Weetabix. Her 5 yr old brother is a good eater so she sees the rest of us eating meals, she just really doesn't want to eat anything else. Last night I gave her a small serving of pasta and sausage and she went to bed hungry (told me she was hungry) having not touched a bite.

On the one hand I worry that she's not getting enough nutritionally (I give her a dose of Kiddy Pharmaton each day but am worried about protein) but at the same time I don't want to make an issue of food and I am hoping its something she'll grow out of. My husband thinks that at almost 3 she should have grown out of it by now and we should take a firmer approach. BTW she's never ill, isn't underweight and is a really happy little soul.

Opinions?

There can be genuine food aversions, especially following illness. For years I couldn't eat salmon, and as a child couldn't drink milk (those warm school bottles did me no favours); DH can't eat most chicken (he can eat some, he reckons he must be sensitive to something most are fed on. He actually adores chicken, ate loads on holiday!); DD can't eat fish. As in, totally stomach-turning. This sort of thing isn't 'fussiness' - the body associates certain foods with being ill and rejects them.

So if that's what's going on here, best to work slowly from things your DD will eat. If she'll eat bread and pancakes, how about trying French toast (first with white bread, then with brown) - more egg that way. Or proper egg custard - if that's accepted could lead to quiche. What about nuts and pulses? Those might be a more acceptable form of protein than meat and fish.

Besides, I remember (and lots of people have mentioned) changing food preferences over their growing (and later) years.

If she is only given a small range of foods she'll have no chance of evolving her taste.

So, my rule is at least one food item they like, plus all the others everyone is having on offer.

Not sure this will help you OP. Ds is the same age as your DD. He is a nightmare eater from the very beginning. BF, expressed milk and FF, then BLW. Wouldn't drink anything other than milk until 2.

He is very good at eating with the CM. He is allergic to eggs and peanuts. The egg allergy is gradually improving. He loves pasta so we hide veg and mince in there. We were advised not to push him and to feed him what he wanted as his weight was a real issue for ages. We are seeing an allergy dietician in October and hope for a bit of help.

The point is that if children have allergies they will avoid those foods. Therefore I would try and see an Immunologist or a peaditrician who can test for allergies. I would also push to see a dietician as they can be really useful. Then you need to examine the sensory route, ie does DD avoid certain textures. Hopefully going to the CM and seeing other kids eating will model good behaviour and she will copy, but it is well worth getting a medical opinion as well.

Good luck OP. I hang onto the fact that my DM always says I didn't eat a full meal until I was 4. I eat everything now!

One small thing that might help is a trick we use with DS. He's not a fussy eater, but can definitely be a toddler. :-)

Around that age, they can be very "logical" and also very focussed on their age. From 2, if he doesn't want to eat, we say that's ok, but he will have to try 2 bites (or 3 when 3, 4 at 4 etc). Even when becoming very stubborn, he's usually reassured by the "that's ok" and is then more willing to eat his (now 3) bites. Maybe you can try that with new foods?

and very illogical - s would eat pancakes but not yorkshires for a long time!

Definitely don't give the CM the list! See how she goes in a different environment. also the CM will laugh at the list and also see how DD goes in the different environment

YABU.

Prevention is a million times than cure when it comes to fussy eating.

Neither of mine are fussy and I firmly believe that this is because I have not allowed them to become so in the first place.

They've always just eaten what they're given for dinner because they know that if they refused it and demanded Coco Pops or chocolate spread on toast instead they would just get laughed at.

Problem solved! As saucyjack suggests get in your time machine, go back a couple of years and simply do not allow fussiness to develop.

It's so easy!

Yes, don't allow them to get ill and go off foods they have previously liked, or develop sensory issues which mean they gag or retch if you try to make them eat certain foods... Simple.

i have one fussy eater, and one who will eat anything. there has been no difference in the approach I have taken with either child. i was a fussy eater, and remember being sat at the table for hours on end being forced to eat plates of long-cold veg. urgh. I will never do that with my DC.

the one thing I do insist upon is that everyone has a try of everything on their plate. if I am serving foods that dd2 dislikes, I will put a tiny portion of just one of these on her plate, along with the things she does like. she gets fruit after the meal if she has a tiny taste, which has been enough to incentivise her.

we have had some success with this approach, and she will now eat red meat, broccoli, carrot, swede and eggs, which she used to refuse, but each success took a lot of tiny tastes over many months.

I can sort of see your point saucyjack but I had convinced myself that Weetabix, yoghurt and lots of fresh fruit weren't that bad. If she had been demanding coco pops and chocolate spread on toast she wouldn't have got it!

But anyway, we're in this situation now so all I can do is try to steer her out of it gently, no point going over everything I did for a year to find fault. Is there

I agree wholeheartedly with your DH. What would concern me more than the lack of variety in DD's diet - and the fact that you are creating a monster in pandering to her! - is the fact that you are feeding her nothing but simple carbs. Where's the protein and good fats? I hate to be blunt, but you are setting her up for a lifetime of carb/sugar addition, hormone imbalances and weight gain.

The more replies I read, the more I see that while I do need to address the problem, a 'eat it or nothing else' approach is not the way to go (for me, anyway) and I'm glad. I'd be happier taking it gently, encouraging her to at least try something different and then giving her something she will eat afterwards/alongside. I'm relieved to see that I don't have to go all sergeant major on her!

Thanks so much for all the good advice. Really helpful.

Saucy please do feel free to try this approach with my DS.

Don't be too alarmed when he has a panic attack and his knees start to tremble when he realises that you are going to make him taste something new its just the way I've raised him

Oh I forgot to add something else to her list! Its not really a good thing, but when she was sick someone gave her an Ellas Kitchen pouch of pureed veg and she ate it so she'd happily live on them. She loves the butternut squash/prunes/carrot one and the pumpkin/carrot & ? one. So at least that's some veg she will eat. She sucks straight from the pouch and its gone in about 30 seconds! They cost a fortune though, but I do admit to getting them for her as a snack through the day because in my mind its at least something healthy and a different taste if nothing else?

Should I be publically flogged now??

I tried the 'platter' approach putting food on a platter and adding a new taste each day eg chicken/ff/cucumber/mashed potatoes. I gradually reduced the food they always ate and added new ones. It took a couple of months but worked, indeed at 18 she still asks for a "platter" during times of stress!

The problem here is that three year old fussiness is somewhat normal, and so if every single person whose child had a tummy bug and didn't like certain foods for a while assumed they had a full-on food phobia or went to the nutritionist for advice and so on, it would be overkill.

However clearly there are some children for whom eating becomes a huge issue, either for sensory reasons, power reasons (there was a brilliant documentary on children having help with eating and this did underly a lot of the disordered diets) or other reasons. And some children really do have problems with expanding their diet.

It isn't going to hurt to try to stretch the existing diet, in a soft but firm way. My fussy dd would never eat any vegetables ever if I waited for her to want them, now I say every meal has to have protein, carbs and one veg minimum (she's older) as the basic requirements of being healthy, and there isn't any pudding til after that. I don't think that's pushy, but equally, if she started to show anxiety/phobia/become very distressed, I'd seek help and not push it.

Toddlers refusing previously eaten food is absolutely standard, the trick is to expand their range again without creating further problems and to look out for that minority of children who really have issues and may need specialist help.

I do get fussy eaters, but there are fussy eaters and those who are completely pandered to by their parents. "She only eats chicken nuggets and pop tarts." Really? Mine have never eaten either of these things - maybe try her on something else, and she might eat that?

DD2 is reasonably fussy, but with her it is a texture thing. She won't eat mushrooms, aubergines, courgettes because they are "slimy". She is quite happy with mushroom soup, where the mushrooms are pureed, and raw courgette and mushrooms with a dip, though, so I do think you have to keep trying.

And most of these fussy eaters will happily eat other stuff when they're not at home. We had some children round who would, apparently, only eat dry white sliced bread or plain pasta. They happily tucked into a pasta bake with tomatoes, bacon and veg at ours.

I spent a lot of time in France and there seem to be fewer picky eaters there. I asked a friend who said that when she presented something new to the children she didn't force them to eat, but she did insist that they try just one mouthful and the kids were often surprised to find that thy quite liked it. The result was that they seemed to eat everything.

DS is 8 and still has fruit pouches so I'll join you on the flogging bench

Try her with some mashed veg?

Ds1 was exactly like this and it too followed at tummy bug at 18mths old- looking back now I can also see I didn't handle it brilliantly.

BUT after, many failed strategies what did work was using the food he would eat ( pasta for him- maybe pancakes for you) and add other things to it

So we had pasta and a tiny bit of cheese/ham etc. He had to try the new thing to get anything else.

Soon his core foods widened and we added other things.

Now ( he is 8 now, this is when he was about 3) He eats most things and will try new things.

The other thing we did was leave him alone to eat- but that was only because I couldn't ignore him !!!

Your message struck a chord with me as I have a 4yr old who is v fussy. He was bf and blw but has gone through strange food fads...we used to have to hide bananas so he stopped eating them. Then he went mad for hummus and then had a craze for grated cheese. He now eats pasta pesto at least once a day. His lack of veg meant he had constipation and that prompted him to start on carrots and cucumbers. He also rarely eats meat.

I have encouraged him to try new things as he sees us eating a different meal to him and Ive seen some improvements.

I also put out tapas style meals and encourage 3 more bites, try something new, no dessert unless you finish etc etc. It is hard but each time there's an improvement you feel great!
This thread is very helpful and I do wish you luck.

I sympathise hugely.

I would say go to Dr, get her weighed etc so you know where she is on the chart. My gp has been hugely reassuring.

BTW - nutella is a good source of protein. And that's from the dietician.

OP - if she'll eat those pouches, can you make up a similar puree or thick soup? (I'm kind of assuming you'd have tried this... odd how kids will sometimes assume something in a packet is 'safe'). My DD would eat veg in a soup which she wouldn't eat any other way (when she was younger, she's much better now about everything except fish). Anyway, the pouches sound healthy enough, just expensive and it doesn't sound like you're wasting money on junk food. Honestly, your DD's diet is better than a lot of kids. Doesn't sound that low on protein tbh with milk, eggs and yoghurt - you should check out veggie food combinations which provide balanced amino acids, even bread contributes I think. Probably low on iron (eggs have some), does that supplement you mentioned have any?

Basically, I think that the all-or-nothing, eat-this-or-go-hungry, stand-off approach is highly likely to backfire with a lot of children (maybe not with saucyjack's...) and make mealtimes into a horribly stressful battleground.

Just giving up and letting them eat what they want and waiting for them to choose to be more adventurous isn't likely to work either.

Gradually introducing small quantities of new things with gentle encouragement is more likely to work, in my experience. But it can be a slow and frustrating process.