To tell DH and MIL that they're not allowed to drink in my house?

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

DH turns into a mean bastard when he drinks....he doesn't really ever get drunk anymore because of this...but whenever MIL comes to stay they get pissed on wine together in the evening.

They sit there oohing and aahing over the fucking labels like they're wine experts but it's just dressing up getting sloshed and nasty on wine.

I have told DH....I said "If you drink with MIL again I am going to pour any wine you buy down the toilet. He denied drinking much....about a bottle it was...each...he can't take it and is a grumpy shit the next day and I resent MIL because she acts all concerned and says "Oh yes you're right Neo....he can't really take alcohol..." and then slurps it up and together they encourage each other.

[saffronwblue]

I thought an alcoholic is someone whose consumpton of alcohol creates health, employment or relationship issues.

[Lweji]

Fwiw, I totally get the OP and I think people have been largely unfair.

I've been somewhat in her position and, while it's not dragging him off the floor every day, it is draining and it affects the family.

My MIL would encourage exH (note) to drink even though he was on ADs.

He ended up draining all bottles at home, going to buy more and we were all miserable.
He ended up being violent, making death threats, and I can still know when he's been drinking when he sends emails.

I wouldn't take the OP's concerns about drinking lightly at all.
And his mother is selfish if she doesn't understand it. It is possible that she has her own issues.

(and anyone who thinks it's normal to drink one bottle every night, then please see if it's not affecting your life and your family)

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Jeez

It was pretty clear what the OP was worried about right from the off. It's clear some of you have no understanding of depression and alcohol problems and you are being unsympathetic to boot when she has explained herself

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

OP I'd repost on Relationships because you'll get a more sympathetic/knowledgeable hearing.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

TheGirl

The OP has become riled by your attitude. She was already upset when she posted. Silly her for posting on AIBU eh?

[Lazyjaney]

OP I'd repost on Relationships because you'll get a more sympathetic/knowledgeable hearing

Sympathetic maybe, knowledgeable unlikely. AIBU is IMO more accurate a view as it takes input from a lot of points of view.

[Lweji]

AIBU knowledgeable? :)

It's ok for a rant, but it can seriously backfire.
You still get allsorts in Relationships and not necessarily a tap on the back.

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Lweji

Oh yes, I agree. But you don't tend to get so many knee-jerk reactions. People at least read patiently, mostly.

[Beeyump]

I don't understand why the op is fine with her husband having a couple of pints? If he can do that often, he probably isn't an alcoholic tbh. Seems to be more of an issue with MIL.

[OnTheBottomWithAWomensWeekly]

He's an adult, and its his house and his mother. Apart from the fact you have no business ordering the pair of them around, if he does have a drink problem the answer is not for someone else to prevent you from drinking, or to force you to do/not to do things.

OP's attitude is weird. Wine doesnt affect a person any differently than beer does, alcohol is alcohol, different types don't cause different moods. It is clear from the posts that its the amount he drinks, and the company he drinks it in that is the problem.

There seem to be two very different issues here. He had problems with depression and alcohol, which caused severe problems.....and he drinks too much with his mother and is shitty with a hangover. Of course these are related, but they aren't the same issue.

[MadameOvary]

OP doesn't sound controlling. She sounds stressed and panicky.

Control issues aren't relevant here. Wouldn't you want your DH to avoid something that had such toxic consequences? It's not just about him being grumpy the next day.

Here's my perspective OP - I'm teetotal because alcohol makes me depressed and narky. Completely my own choice but I did ask DP to cut down as well after a recent incident where he was drinking all day and became verbally aggressive. (Prior to that I noticed he would get quite ranty after a few in the evening). He was mortified and already knew he had to cut down - he didn't want to be that person.

Surely your DH doesn't either?


Anyway I think YANBU.