To tell DH and MIL that they're not allowed to drink in my house?

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

DH turns into a mean bastard when he drinks....he doesn't really ever get drunk anymore because of this...but whenever MIL comes to stay they get pissed on wine together in the evening.

They sit there oohing and aahing over the fucking labels like they're wine experts but it's just dressing up getting sloshed and nasty on wine.

I have told DH....I said "If you drink with MIL again I am going to pour any wine you buy down the toilet. He denied drinking much....about a bottle it was...each...he can't take it and is a grumpy shit the next day and I resent MIL because she acts all concerned and says "Oh yes you're right Neo....he can't really take alcohol..." and then slurps it up and together they encourage each other.

[ImperialBlether]

I agree - why are people being so harsh? The OP has put up with a lot from him and his mother is now enabling him to go back to his earlier state, which was bad enough for the OP to consider ending their marriage.

I don't know what to suggest. He's minimising it, isn't he? And she is too, because to admit he shouldn't drink that much would be to admit that she's drinking too much, too.

Leaving your house isn't the answer as you'd have to deal with him on your return, even if that was when your MIL left.

What's his response when you talk to him when he's sober? Forget threats to throw away the wine. If you remind him of his earlier days and your wish to leave him then, what does he say?

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

I don't drink wine, gives me a terrible hangover. I much prefer a few ciders.

Doesn't mean I wouldn't be upset at someone who said they would pour it down the toilet if I did want some though

[GlaikitFizzog]

I can tell who has never had any experience of alcohol dependency and depression on here. When you have lived throughout someone overcoming depression the last place you want to be is watching them doing the exact thing that sent them to their dark place again.

The op is worried for her marriage because of this, this isn't just a "I don't like him drinking" it's a cause of his depression. If he were allergic to nuts or gluten intolerant, you wouldn't say, oh just let him have some for a week. He can't just stop a agin when she is gone. Feck the impact on his health in the mean time.

[GlaikitFizzog]

Being an alcoholic and having a problem with alcohol don't alway go hand in hand.

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

AIBU??

Yes!!

No I'm not I'm hiding the thread and you are all mean.

...and so it goes on

[YouTheCat]

Rude and mean where?

I see people disagreeing and some agreeing. It is rare to get a unanimous agreement that OP isn't BU.

Thanks for assuming that anyone who disagrees must be some kind of alcoholic. Lovely attitude.

[ExcuseTypos]

I hope people are pleased with how fucking nasty they've been.

Great work you lot.

OP please ignore. Repost in Relationships where people are often a lot more understanding. You are doing the right thing trying to get your H to stop drinking every night.

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

Where is there any nastiness?

[GlaikitFizzog]

Do you know what I could point it out to you girl, but I can't be arsed and your probably disagree with me anyway.

Neo was naive posting this here, relationships is where she will get the support she needs.

Some people are only happy when disagreeing with people.

[YouTheCat]

That's just daft.

I agree with people if I agree with them and don't just disagree for the sake of it.

Also I have 20 years of experience of living with an alcoholic. I know it isn't fun. I can understand OP being worried, given the previous situation (which was dripfed).

But pouring away wine is not going to address anything at all.

[Feminine]

neo posts here a lot.

I was going to ask her if her DH is bothered by his drinking.

It sounds like he isn't that bothered about sabotaging his cleaner time.

oh well. She has 'gone'

[DoJo]

It's a shame that the OP didn't really set out the problems in her first post as that seems to have been the source of some confusion. Her complaint isn't really the behaviour described in the OP, which sounds like a bit of a control freakery rant, but the details which have been revealed later which do suggest a more pressing problem. I wish you well with it OP.

[Beastofburden]

Feminine, I asked her that but she didn't reply. I think I am one of the supportive ones, ironic that I drink wine every night

[SeaSickSal]

ExcuseTypos He's not drinking every night. He rarely drinks. On one occasion he got drunk with his mother who he apparently seldom sees and enjoys having a drink with.

Many people go through a period where they drink too much because of personal problems or work problems etc, etc. It doesn't necessarily mean they have a dependency or are an alcoholic. It just means that they drank too much for a while. A lot of people have periods like this.

In the OPs case it sounds like this is the case with her husband as he was able to go back to drinking sensibly. Whereas if there is a real problem you can't physically stop at one drink the craving is too overwhelming.

To react by banning any drinking in the house is waaaay over the top in this case. Having word and agreeing it's a one off yes, banning drinking altogether in the house, no.

As long as it's a one off once a year I really can't see the problem. Getting drunk once in a year won't lead to a depression that lasts any longer than the length of a hangover.

[Nanny0gg]

Blimey!

I can be narky and moody for a whole day and it's nothing to do with drink!

I think you're being way over the top here OP. If it was weekly I could see your point, but not for once a year!

[pumpkinsweetie]

It's once a year, unless you have any other bug bears with mil i think you are bu.

[ExcuseTypos]

The Op has said they are drinking every night.

She also said

we had a tough time a few years ago due to him being drinking and depressed through it

Could that be any clearer? He has a problem with drinking that has led to depression. They nearly split up over it, he stopped drinking (apart form a few pints in 2 years) they have had a settled few years. He's now started drinking again, every night, with his MIL.

The OP is frightened he's going to slide back to how he was a few years ago. She need support.

[SeaSickSal]

She said he had drunk 2-3 nights while his mother was here. Not every night, unless I've missed a post.

I, like Cat, have experience of alcoholism and believe me this is not it. He's enjoying his mothers visit. If he carries on after she goes home, fair enough, there is an issue. But to begrudge him a few bottles of wine with his mother is mean.

All this talk of enabling, blah, blah, blah, it's not really relevant because the bloke is not an alcoholic.

Alcoholics can't go and have one or two pints after work. They can't maintain sensible drinking for 2 years.

[SeaSickSal]

AndExcuseTypos sometimes you can offer support by telling people that they are over reacting. Sometimes people outside the situation can see it more calmly -support and advice doesn't necessarily mean blindly agreeing with someone.

[YouTheCat]

My ex would go out after work, have a couple of pints, come back for tea and then go out again. If there was cider (or anything else for that matter) in the house he would drink that when he came back, drunk. He drank much more at the weekends. It was neverending and he didn't see my problem with it.

OP's dh may not slip back into previous behaviour. He might just go back to his couple of pints a week. But pouring wine down the sink and creating a scene over this, while his mother is there, is just going to make the situation much worse.

[SeaSickSal]

You the Cat mine dranks some body shop peppermint footspray once because it had alcohol in it!

I know the OP is refusing to look but I do think she would be best off speaking to her husband and agreeing that this is just while his mum is here and will stop afterwards.

Banning it and causing a scene with his Mum would be unnecessarily over the top.

[mignonette]

Quite frankly I am seeing a lot of aggression in the OP's posts. Think it is a case of six of one and half a dozen of the other here.

[ExcuseTypos]

Well if I'd nearly separated from my H because of his drinking, I'd be very upset if he suddenly started drinking again every night. (The OP has said it's every night.).

Maybe some of you are a bit more relaxed and would take the chance of it all spiralling out of control again. I wouldn't.

[Justforlaughs]

If I was the OP I would be asking DH to drink a couple of pints of beer/ cider or whatever while MIL drinks her wine. If the situation was as bad as the OP dripfed is making out then surely DH wouldn't want to risk it happening again. I would be pointing out to him that his behaviour is slipping back into old ways and that she is worried about it. No banning and laying down the law, just a concerned wife who doesn't want to go through all that again, in fact is refusing point blank to put herself and her children through that again! Good luck OP. next time, don't drip feed!

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

The Op has said they are drinking every night.

No she didn't she said

MIL came. DH has drunk two or three nights with her and has become a mean bastard again.

She then drip fed previous problems after calling me out on suggesting the issues were deeper.

She had also said that his drinking a pint or so after work once a fortnight was not a problem.

This thread is as weird as pouring wine down a toilet when two adults have chosen to buy and consume it