To tell DH and MIL that they're not allowed to drink in my house?

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

DH turns into a mean bastard when he drinks....he doesn't really ever get drunk anymore because of this...but whenever MIL comes to stay they get pissed on wine together in the evening.

They sit there oohing and aahing over the fucking labels like they're wine experts but it's just dressing up getting sloshed and nasty on wine.

I have told DH....I said "If you drink with MIL again I am going to pour any wine you buy down the toilet. He denied drinking much....about a bottle it was...each...he can't take it and is a grumpy shit the next day and I resent MIL because she acts all concerned and says "Oh yes you're right Neo....he can't really take alcohol..." and then slurps it up and together they encourage each other.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Worra once a year....but she never last year.

[Beastofburden]

You poor thing. I can feel your frustration from here. Perhaps if you make the discussion more about the danger of depression and less about the alcohol itself, you will have a better chance of success.

Does your DP hate feeling this way? Does he understand that drink is a trigger? If so, in an ideal world, he, not you, needs to be the one who says to his mother that he is cutting back on drinking. After all, when she is not here, he manages this and he has experienced the fact that it works.

Your role controlling alcohol is a very difficult one for you. Anything you can do to hand it over to him is bound to help this.

[WorraLiberty]

Oh my God OP are you serious??

Once a year??

I thought you were going to say once or twice a month!

YABVVU here.

You said he doesnt' ever really get drunk anymore..only when MIL comes to stay.

The upshot of him getting drunk is 'minor' (your word) and he's a bit narky.

Yet you want to pour his wine away and control his drinking once a year??

[Waffling]

So because it's "his home" the rest of the family have to put up with him being an arse after drinking? Fuck that.

[Capitola]

Blimey, if it's only once a year I'd be inclined to let it go.

[HeySoulSister]

A family yes.... But it's part of life! Depression can't be hidden away

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Worra do you understand the nature of alcohol and depression at all???

It wouldn't matter if it were once every FIVE fuckingn years....I don't want a husband who is not himself every fucking year because he and his Mother enable one another. this trip could result in him sliding back into the drink-depression-drink-depression hole!!! ANd I promise you that lasts a LONG TIME!

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Soul no but it can be MANAGED BY AVOIDING DRINK!

[YouTheCat]

Once a year - YABU.

If it was every month or so then I could see it being an issue. I was married to an alcoholic. It was every bloody day.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

She never came last year...he's been practically alchol free for two years...till she rocked up with her fucking bag of wine.

[orangepudding]

Let him drink in his own home. Make plans to take the kids out the next day so you don't suffer his grumpiness, especially if it's once a year!

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Cat you're MISSING the point! He's not seen her for two years. In those two years he has got a grip on his drinking. Now she's here he's back on it.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Orange why the fuck should I? This is my home! I can do what I like.

I don't wnat this to carry on....it may carry on after she's fucked off back to pisshead in the sun land.

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

I'd agree with what worra said OP.

Its only once a year. Its not a serious issue really is it?

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

It IS serious if he carries on girl

And keep your stupid head tilt too.

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

This is my home! I can do what I like

I imagine your DH feels the same

[WorraLiberty]

But he drinks when she's not there too so why are you blaming her visit?

Yes alcohol can trigger depression but so can living with control freakery.

And telling the adult you're living with that you're going to pour his wine down the toilet, if he gets drunk with his Mother once a year could also be a trigger.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Look at it this way....

DH was a wanker who drank too much and was mean daily. He was depressed and we argued all the time...he lost his job and became unbearable. I almost left him

DH gave up drink and his depression lifted...he began to feel happy on a daily basis and never drank...this lasted for two years only getting better and better.

MIL came. DH has drunk two or three nights with her and has become a mean bastard again.

I naturally am afraid all that good work he did over the last 2 years will end.

[YouTheCat]

Yes, you can do what you like... but then so can he.

I'm really not missing the point. He's having a drink, being slightly grumpy the next day and enjoying his mother's visit.

Next week (presuming the mil has gone home) he'll not be sat drinking with her. You are speculating that this is a slippery slope and he'll be back on the wine permanently. He might not be.

Are you grumping about and not making your guest welcome?

[Mojavewonderer]

I personally think yabvu. My husband is moody when he has a hangover and I'm even worse with my pmt but I don't want to control his drinking and he doesn't try and stuff evening primrose down my throat. My husband doesn't drink much so he doesn't get a hangover very often but when he does I encourage him to stay in bed all day and I take the kids out.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Worra he doesn't really drink when she's not here....he might have a pint or so after work once a fortnight...nothing like a whole bottle of wine. Over the last two years, he's drunk barely anything.

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

Ok.

I suspect you have other more serious issues which you are probably not able to control articulate as well so it becomes easier to blame his annual vino binge instead.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

cat no I have taken MIL on all kinds of excursions. Cleared my office so she has a room....been nice too.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Girl what issues do you suspect?

[maddening]

Is he a recovering alcoholic?