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AIBU?

To tell DH and MIL that they're not allowed to drink in my house?

136 replies

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 26/08/2013 13:50

DH turns into a mean bastard when he drinks....he doesn't really ever get drunk anymore because of this...but whenever MIL comes to stay they get pissed on wine together in the evening.

They sit there oohing and aahing over the fucking labels like they're wine experts but it's just dressing up getting sloshed and nasty on wine.

I have told DH....I said "If you drink with MIL again I am going to pour any wine you buy down the toilet. He denied drinking much....about a bottle it was...each...he can't take it and is a grumpy shit the next day and I resent MIL because she acts all concerned and says "Oh yes you're right Neo....he can't really take alcohol..." and then slurps it up and together they encourage each other.

OP posts:

Report

TheGirlFromIpanema · 26/08/2013 14:23

I suspect there are control issues within your relationship.

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2013 14:24

DH turns into a mean bastard when he drinks....he doesn't really ever get drunk anymore because of this

DH gave up drink and his depression lifted...he began to feel happy on a daily basis and never drank...this lasted for two years only getting better and better.

I'm confused

Does he drink when MIL is not there or not?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 26/08/2013 14:24

There probably are in every relationship girl you should be more specific.

OP posts:

GlaikitFizzog · 26/08/2013 14:25

Hang on, neo is getting an unnecessary kicking here.

Her dh has practically stopped drinking for. Two years before this visit. Mum rocks up and he is mainlining wine!

He has acknowledged his problem drinking and the effect on his depression and stopped. If Neo had said in her op "DH is an alcoholic who has been sober for nearly two years" would you all be saying, it's only once a year, let him bond with his mammy?? I don't thnk so.

neo, yanbu to not want them to drink. However, what you can do to stop them I don't know.

I hope the rest of the visit goes ok and incident free.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 26/08/2013 14:25

WORRA she hasn;t been for two years...over that time he's had a few pints.

OP posts:

TheGirlFromIpanema · 26/08/2013 14:25

He only drinks what Neo approves of when MIL is not there of course worra.

LouiseAderyn · 26/08/2013 14:25

This IS a serious issue, because it could trigger him into drinking too much on a regular basis and becoming depressed again.

It is also an issue because no one had a right to do anything which has a negative effect on those around them.

I say ban the alcohol from the house and tell him to stop being a selfish twat. I would be pissed off at having two people in my house with drinking problems, encouraging each other.

YouTheCat · 26/08/2013 14:25

Why do you think he's going to do anything other than have the occasional pint once she's gone?

Sometimes I fancy a drink when dp doesn't, so I have one. If he got all arsey with me and started threatening to pour my wine away, as if I am incapable of making my own decision on whether I have a drink or not, I think it might be a bit of a deal breaker.

You cannot lay that kind of control on someone else.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 26/08/2013 14:26

Glaikit that's it thank you. He doesn't consider himself an alcoholic and neither do I.....but he IS someone who has a very bad reaction to drink. He just can't take it. Not only is his mood affected but his body....he has rashes and his stomach gets bad....he's probably fucking allergic or soemthing but hasn';t been tested.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2013 14:26

OK cross posted

If he drinks when MIL is not there anyway, I don't think you can blame downing a bottle of wine once a year on your MIL visiting.

Why are you not worried that alcohol in general will make him depressed or encourage him to drink heavier again?

ExcuseTypos · 26/08/2013 14:27

I can't believer the responses you're getting. Maybe people responding that you are BU don't live with someone with depression. I have and it's fucking draining and heartbreaking.

It must be very hard for you to sit and watch him drinking, knowing he's getting hooked again. He does need to stop, your MIL needs to stop.

And everyone- this isn't just going to affect the whole family once a year, if he gets depressed it could last months.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 26/08/2013 14:30

except the OP is fine with him having a pint or so every couple of weeks it seems.

If he has a problem with alcohol that is not on either.

Yet that appears to be fine.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 26/08/2013 14:30

Cat I don't know....I fear it. I'm afraid he'll get a taste for wine again...it seems to be wine that affect him. He can have an organic pint of some real ale and be fine...but wine does something to him.

I know I can't control him but I will be telling him and MIL too that if he falls...if he begins this slide again into being depressd and nasty then I'll be gone in a flash.

I have only just begun to trust him again and now I'm in tears because he's risking it all. I don't want to go into details but we had a terrible time...lots of rowing and me packing to leave...he begged me not to go....so I sent him away...made him move out for ten months when it was very bad...it was then that he got it together and came back. I can't go through that again it was so awful.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 26/08/2013 14:31

And everyone- this isn't just going to affect the whole family once a year, if he gets depressed it could last months

And that's my point.

Why isn't the OP worried about him drinking full stop?

If alcohol is a trigger then she should be worried every single time he has a drink.

Not just once a year when he's a bit narky the next day.

ExcuseTypos · 26/08/2013 14:32

OP I'd sit down with your H and tell him you're worried he's slipping again. That you don't want him drinking in the house and if he insists on drinking he can leave with his Mother, and go else where. If he does that, ask him to remember the time when you nearly left him because of his drinking, because you will be considering leaving if he doesn't stop drinking.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 26/08/2013 14:32

girl yes as I said he's fine with just the odd pint...it doesn't have the same effect and he can have just one.../

OP posts:

SeaSickSal · 26/08/2013 14:32

YABVU.

When I read the OP I thought that he was getting drunk and being nasty to you. Realized that he wasn't.

The I read on and read that he was grumpy the next day. Thought it was once or twice a month so you were missing out on a lot of weekends. Realized that you weren't.

Then started to think that he might be on a slippery slope back into alcoholism. Then you said that he is perfectly capable of drinking sensibly and has done for some years. So he's not. It's not like he's going to have one glass of wine and then next week be in the gutter drinking meths. If he has been drinking sensibly like that for years he is not an alcoholic.

You're being, really, really out of order. It is control freakery.

Getting pissed once a year when your Mum comes over and being a bit grumpy the next day is perfectly reasonable.

Do you just not like your MIL or something?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 26/08/2013 14:33

WORRA I said clearly.....a pint doesn't do anything to him! One pint...he's fine....the next day he is normal. It's when he drinks wine...he goes over the top and gets nasty the n ext day.

OP posts:

ExcuseTypos · 26/08/2013 14:33

Oh stop being so obtuse. If he's had a 'few pints' in 2 years that is very different to a bottle of wine every sodding night.

PurpleRayne · 26/08/2013 14:34

Are you saying that the drink triggers a depression that lasts more than a day or two?

YouTheCat · 26/08/2013 14:34

If it's specifically a problem with wine, does he realise?

ExcuseTypos · 26/08/2013 14:34

That was to Worra.

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TheGirlFromIpanema · 26/08/2013 14:34

As I said earlier. There are clearly other issues here OP.

Its fine to react badly if you see a pattern of behaving emerging again, but your post didn't initially say any of that.

You claimed to want to pour your DHs wine down the toilet as he was drinking it in YOUR house once a year and was mildly annoying and grumpy the next day.

Your last post explains your hostility and I wish you well with it all.
Remember though that you cannot control another adult no matter how much it comes from a position of love on your part. It will never work.

I wish you well.

SeaSickSal · 26/08/2013 14:34

He doesn't have problem with alcohol. If he has been having a pint or two regularly with no ill effects he is not an alcoholic.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 26/08/2013 14:35

thanks to those who have supported me. I am hiding this thread. Confident in the knowledge that those who are being rude and mean probably get pissed on wine all the time too and don't like it being discussed.

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