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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my friends are shit and want to make some new ones

127 replies

Holly94 · 24/08/2013 22:56

I'm 17 weeks pregnant and I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen my friends since I found out I was pregnant.
I found out I was pregnant 2 days after we all finished sixth form and no one could understand my decision to keep my baby instead of have an abortion.
Went on a girls holiday (booked a while ago) when I was 11 weeks and spent the whole week throwing up. I tried talking to them all while I was with them but they kept walking off and several times I heard them discussing me while they thought i was asleep. One girl told me I was so irritating 'always being ill' and told me I annoyed her so much she wanted to hit me.
Since we got back I've texted them a lot, face booked, tried to meet up, no one responds to me. Asked them how their results went, they just told me and didn't ask about mine. Just seen a status of them all on Facebook having a girls night in at someone's house. I would have loved a girly night. I feel so fucking alone right now. I just want some new friends. AIBU?

OP posts:

Annunziata · 24/08/2013 23:00

Oh honey, YANBU. You're going a very different way from them and you need support.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme · 24/08/2013 23:02

Nope, YADNBU. They sound worse than useless. Horrible, selfish, backstabbing little bitches. They don't understand how you're feeling on what should be a momentous occasion for you and they obviously don't care. They should be pleased for you and supportive if they're real friends. You are much better off without that negativity in your life.

Don't worry. When you start going to a few antenatal and baby groups you'll meet people you've got something in common with and you'll make lots of new friends and you won't need them!

Congratulations.

kickassangel · 24/08/2013 23:02

Gosh, they sound horrible, and you could probably do with some friends right now.

Can your midwife recommend any groups? D you want to know other pregnant teens, other pregnant women or just anyone with a dash of humanity?

I live in the US so absolutely no help at all, but wishing you well.

Original poster

Holly94 · 24/08/2013 23:03

I'm scared no one at the antenatal groups/baby classes will want to be my friend either. I'm scared I'm going to be the 'stupid one who had a baby at 18' forever :(

OP posts:

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 24/08/2013 23:04

Yanbu. You are heading into a whole new chapter, bypassing them.

You won't get the you need from them right now. You'll be fine, you'll make new friends.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 24/08/2013 23:04

And congratulations!

inthisdayandage · 24/08/2013 23:05

Are there any young mum groups in the area? Maybe ask midwife for some help. it will get better. Hugs.

Crumbledwalnuts · 24/08/2013 23:05

They're young - pregnancy seems like a drag to them. The problem you might have is that when you join baby groups the mums might be older - and they might not be keen as mustard either - because of your age. So you need some quite specific groups really, where there'll be other teenage mums.

confused3331 · 24/08/2013 23:06

no YANBU. Maybe not the best thing to go on hols with them but am guessing you didn't know you were pregs when booked it or didn't know how ill you'd feel (i was really ill but didn't know i would be). But telling you that they want to hit you is out of order. Def find some new friends. Esp one's with babies. Ante-natal classes are good, esp ones that have same people going for a few weeks like NCT. After your baby is born go to lots of bump and babies groups and get yourself some friends more on your wavelength, in the same situation. Sorry your're having a rough time. Good luck with it all.

noodleone · 24/08/2013 23:07

There is a specific group for young parents round here, midwife or health visitor would know. Congratulations

supermariossister · 24/08/2013 23:07

yanbu they sound shit and just like my friends when I had ds aged 16, I but you know what, I made new friends and found new hobbies and you will too. I'm 23 now with a 6 year old but remembering just how quickly my best friends ditched me still gives me the rage. if you ever need a friend albeit a virtual one id be happy to chat. you can do this

kickassangel · 24/08/2013 23:08

You're probably not going to be 18 forever. You will get past this. There are other young mums on this site, and mums who were young when they had their first. It's not the same as rl friends, but might be nice to chat to some people in similar situations.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 24/08/2013 23:08

I run a young mums group, they are out there. Take every bit of support from your midwife, keep asking for information, referrals to projects.

Crumbledwalnuts · 24/08/2013 23:08

"They don't understand how you're feeling on what should be a momentous occasion for you and they obviously don't care. "

I wouldn't expect them to understand, would you? They 17 and 18, why would they understand. For them it might be a disaster to get pregnant because of plans they've made, so they find it incredibly difficult to empathasise with a teenage mum who's happy about it.

Saying they don't care is harsh - they assume you're happy about having the baby, not unhappy, because you're keeping it. So they wouldn't understand if you need sympathy, because you don't see the pregnancy as any kind of problem.

You definitely need to find new friends, but it's not surprising.

SunshineMMum · 24/08/2013 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bluecheque4595 · 24/08/2013 23:10

Not everyone at the baby groups will be judgemental. You probably could do without judgemental idiots for friends anyway. Go to the baby groups, keep an open mind, look out for anyone who looks a bit lonely and get chatting. You might well make good friends, you don't have to have the same background/same age/same income to be friends with other mums.

Sorry your friends were rubbish.

Backtobedlam · 24/08/2013 23:11

Our local children's centre ran a group and lots of activities for mums under 25. Definitely speak to your midwife who should have all the information of what's available in your area, there will be others who are going through the same as you, they'll be much more support than your school friends...who sound not very nice anyway.

confused3331 · 24/08/2013 23:12

I'm scared I'm going to be the 'stupid one who had a baby at 18' forever
Can see why this worries you. Some people frown upon it. Try to ignore them. Not everyone is like that. Hold your head up high. I had my kids in my mid-thirties and i have a go at people who scoff at women who have them earlier. You'll have more energy, less complications, and be around for them for longer. This is a good thing. Lots of us (me included) having them later and having lots of problems due to age. There is no right and wrong.

trashcanjunkie · 24/08/2013 23:13

ha! fuck 'em pet, you'll be better off without them. Well done on completing sixth form and congratulations on your pregnancy! Try not to worry about your age, and throw yourself into any pre-natal activity you can find, simply for a better chance at finding some new friends who are going through the same things as you. I had my first at 18 so I really really get what you're talking about. I didn't get involved in anything and felt terribly lonesome when he was little. When I had twins when ds was eight I went relentlessly to every single thing I could, starting with aquanatal and breastfeeding workshops. The twins are eight and my eldest is 17 now. I made some of the best friends I've ever known through activities I turned up at for the twins, and let me tell you, a lot of folk are there secretly feeling they are too old, too fat, too boring. Being a young mum rocks. I still feel young now!

SolidGoldBrass · 24/08/2013 23:13

It's also quite often the case that, after leaving school, you realise that you had little in common with your classmates apart from being in the same class, and you move on and seek out new friends who you are going to get on better with. Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find them. And good luck with your PG.

Original poster

Holly94 · 24/08/2013 23:13

I struggled very much in the weeks after I made the decision to keep the baby. It was without a doubt the hardest decision I'd ever made in my life. I knew that I couldn't go through with a termination. I really needed some girlfriends but I just had DP and my family. My family weren't terribly supportive either. This baby is not unwanted, it was just a surprise and I definitely do not regret making the decision I did but I am surprised at how quickly my friends just dropped me even after I told them how difficult I was finding everything.

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 24/08/2013 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Holly94 · 24/08/2013 23:18

Yes he's around :) we live together now. So Im very lucky in the respect that I'm not completely on my own.

OP posts:

SnapCackleFlop · 24/08/2013 23:19

Holly - I'm sorry you've been treated this way - it sounds crap and I think they've behaved badly. I think that being the first to have a child in a group is usually a big deal and can make you feel on a different planet to the one you were on before pre-prgnancy. Do you have support from your own family and/or a boyfriend?

By the way how did your results go? I know several women who've had children 'young' (and to be honest you're not that young at 18) and all have gone on to have good, happy and lovely lives which included being a mum.

Having a baby is always hard as well as being great but I really respect your decision to have this baby and think your baby is lucky to have you and you sound like a really lovely girl and I think you'll be a brilliant mum.

I hope you get some decent friends (with babies or not) because you deserve them. Hope all goes well. x

Original poster

Holly94 · 24/08/2013 23:20

TheSecondComing would she really drop her friend just like that and not bother to reply to any texts or messages?

OP posts:

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