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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Aibu - crap staff using mental health excuses

278 replies

Joiningthegang · 22/08/2013 20:30

Aibu to think that whilst there are many many people with genuine mental health issues, I am sooo pissed off that when crap member of staff is "found out" they play the mental Health stress card, get signed off sick and you can't really do anything about it.

I am mostly pissed off because they ruin it for the genuinely ill people.

OP posts:
NameThatTuna · 22/08/2013 23:00

What a charming thread!

My DM is a HCP. She has Bipolar. In 5 years she only had 2 episodes of sickness. She's been VERY ill the last2 year's. Long periods of sickness, followed by having to return to work because she can't pay her rent when she gets to half pay.

During he last return to work whilst on a rehab/phased return, she was treated Luke shit. Occ Health recommendations ignored, threatened with disciplinary for not want to go to another ward at short notice to cover sickness (whilst on rehab) by senior management. She was made to come in during annual leave to do a 12 he make up shift. The list goes on.

After the incident with the senior nurse, my DM was dueto work a night shift the following night. On the way to work, she drove her car into a wall!!!

Thankfully she wasn't seriously injured. But mentally she's a fucking mess, and because of the shut treatment from management and colleagues, she can't go back to work. She's now panicking about her home. As if she doesn't already have enough to deal with.

This thread has made me so angry.

NameThatTuna · 22/08/2013 23:01

On phone = typos

dancingwithmyselfandthecat · 22/08/2013 23:01

I have had anxiety and depression for a very long time. Fortunately, I am not suffering at present and also run my own business, so if things do happen then I'm the one I have to answer to. In previous jobs, I have been very grateful to managers who were sympathetic and understood, for example, that if you regularly have panic attacks first thing in the morning you might be grateful if you can send them a discreet message, arrive late and work late to make up. I hope I would do the same for my staff.

That said, as someone with MH problems, I was disheartened by the frequency (when I still worked for a big organisation) with which people in performance management or disciplinary would suddenly raise mental health problems. The thing is that at that stage in the process, it does raise eyebrows and it also makes it harder for people with genuine problems who try to do things right to be taken seriously.

Caff2 · 22/08/2013 23:02

I'm leaving this thread. There's no talking to some people.

princesspeabody · 22/08/2013 23:03

You cannot really 'see' stress or mental health issues in the same way you can see a physical illness. It doesn't make it any less important.

Lots of employees suffering high levels of stress these days. We all react differently and you cannot tell anyone how they feel. Only they know.

If you're fed up of working extra shifts to cover for them then stop doing it. After all, we would hate to think of you getting to the stage where you are stressed, unable to cope, suffering from panic attacks, crying in the toilet. Because these things have a habit of creeping up on you when you least expect it...

Biscuit
Tiredemma · 22/08/2013 23:04

The attitudes of some so called Mh professionals on here is embarrassing. Thank god you don't work on my ward.

Boosiehs · 22/08/2013 23:10

Littlecloud,trying to work through anxiety and depression, rather than seeking inpatient care earlier led to my mum trying to kill herself.

The business should put in other contingency measures. If you are ill, you are ill. Mental health or physical, it makes no difference.

GurlwiththeCurl · 22/08/2013 23:10

I was diagnosed with severe depression last year and DH was told by the GP to try to take me out of the house every day to help take my mind off my misery. We went out for meals or just a cup of tea and it helped me a lot. So perhaps I should have been watching out in case someone from work saw me?

littlecloud · 22/08/2013 23:12

Boosiehs my line of work is shift work this person chooses to work loads of hours management have tried cut down shifts to ease work load and stress but they just sign themselves up for more shifts. Management are aware of depression and are very accommodating. If they halved thier load someone else would be employed IYSWIM. Sorry about your mum but this sis nothing like that situation.

Misspixietrix · 22/08/2013 23:12

Sorry you lost me at a GP not being a Professional? [Hmm] There's not enough words in the World. ~

Boosiehs · 22/08/2013 23:15

No, you are still possibly the least sympathetic person I think I've ever read on here.

It's the businesses fault if thy can't manage shift uptake.

Tiredemma · 22/08/2013 23:18

Would you be more sympathetic if this person was off with something like cancer or a broken limb for example. Or would that still piss you off?

EdieSedgwick · 22/08/2013 23:20

Fuck off is all I have to say. I haven't posted for about a year but that's how I feel about the attitude of some people on here.

littlecloud · 22/08/2013 23:20

Can I just make clear for the last time i'm talking about an individual and a certain situation and depression is very different for lots of people I am very aware having had it after ds2. You are all getting defensive as if I am aiming my grievances with you personally because you also suffer from depression or know someone that does.

I am not I am just voicing my feelings about the situation that I am in and how someone else's depression has had a massive knock on effect. It is not their fault that they have depression but that doesn't stop the knock on effect and how they act around others and how my working day is effected and how others are made to feel as a result of their behaviour due to their illness. Just because it's an illness doesn't make the repercussions any less real for others around this individual.

littlecloud · 22/08/2013 23:21

TiredEmma read up thread cancer thing has been asked before twice

littlecloud · 22/08/2013 23:24

Boosiehs they can't discriminate against a person signing up for shifts they can only advise. They can't employ someone else on the off chance they may need to pop in to cover the odd shift but can if say 20 hours. This is why it's an issue.

Mouthfulofquiz · 22/08/2013 23:24

Actually the true problem is people skiving off work for ANY reason not just the one you mentioned. It's the slivers you are pissed of at!! :-)

StudentFuming · 22/08/2013 23:30

littlecloud I have read some of the posts you have made.

What happens is, when people are vulnerable to work related stresses and work in an UN SUPPORTIVE team with a culture of each person for himself (or cliquey friendship groups within the team) the vulnerable person gets ill much more quickly than the people that are part of the team's survival mentality. Which can be experienced as oppressive.

I cannot see anywhere that you have indicated that you have genuinely tried to support this colleague that frequently can't cope or that you have even identified what triggers might be that cause them to fall to bits regularly. Nor do you seem to recognise that a contributing factor may actually be part the way your team functions. Nor do you show any compassion for this colleague.

I can only guess you work for the NHS.

Perhaps if people weren?t so fucking stupid, selfish, ignorant and judgemental, people who are vulnerable in the work place might just be able to cope better. Perhaps if we all tried being a bit nicer and recognising that we are all stressed out of our minds at work and pulling together a bit?

MollyHooper · 22/08/2013 23:32

Yes people are defensive, of course they are are given the attitudes that exist.

Your grievances are very much aimed at us when you say things like "Get on with it" or "That's how I was brought up". Saying those things make it hard to believe that you fully understand how mental illness affects people.

We are very aware of the knock on effect as we watch it everyday with our loved ones and no it doesn't excuse the horrible behavior we sometime inflict upon them, but it gives it a reason and sometimes that makes it easier for them. They know we don't want this.

What would you like to happen to your colleague?

cumfy · 22/08/2013 23:35

?

Where's the original thread ?

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 22/08/2013 23:35

Some of the things people think about MH is disgusting. As a sufferer of mental illnesses (a variety in the form of depression induced by OCD, along with PTSD) I had hoped the stigma was becoming smaller. Evidently not.

50shadesofmeh · 22/08/2013 23:43

Try going into work for the first time after a period of sickness where you could barely leave the house to colleagues talking about you and acting like you have been skiving or a manager who speaks to you like you are a drama queen for daring to have depression when they think you don't have reason to.
It's awful.

RoastedCouchPotatoes · 22/08/2013 23:49

Yes. Apparently I should just come into work. Because I can work well when I'm feeling wuicidal and am hallucinating Hmm Not laziness, not bringing down the team, a debilitating set of illnesses.

Salmotrutta · 22/08/2013 23:50

Whilst I don't agree with littlecloud at all I have some respect for her/him; she/he has, at least, argued her/his case.

The OP who is Joiningthegang has bogged off after stirring it.

littlecloud seems to have been mistaken for the OP by some - but is just the poster who has agreed and argued.

Salmotrutta · 22/08/2013 23:56

That didnt read quite the way I intended.

I think I was trying to state that littlecloud was not the original OP but has tried to at least have a debate from her/his own perspective.

But I don't agree with littlecloud.

I have been much more appalled by x2boys tbh...