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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Aibu - crap staff using mental health excuses

278 replies

Joiningthegang · 22/08/2013 20:30

Aibu to think that whilst there are many many people with genuine mental health issues, I am sooo pissed off that when crap member of staff is "found out" they play the mental Health stress card, get signed off sick and you can't really do anything about it.

I am mostly pissed off because they ruin it for the genuinely ill people.

OP posts:
Buddhagirl · 23/08/2013 00:03

I'm a therapist. I think that you can't tell if people are faking or not, so you can't really have an opinion. Because if they are faking then fair enough, be pissed off. If they are not faking then that's awful for them. But you don't know either way so eer on the side of caution?

Buddhagirl · 23/08/2013 00:07

And I'm not sweetness and light, i don't think 100% fluff and love is useful to people with mh conditions. But I'm not one of the. ..nasty ones. Tough love yes, tough, no. Above all everyone needs compassion and understanding and you should give that first before you gently suggest better ways to behave/cope.
Imho.

filee777 · 23/08/2013 07:13

I was very lucky that when I had mental health problems that affected my work, my company were very supportive and kind to me allowing me to continue to work efficiently and with the knowledge that if I needed to I could take time off sick.

You are being unreasonable. My mental health issues caused me to lose concentration, behave differently and feel vunerable in front of my work colleagues.

Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there

TheOrchardKeeper · 23/08/2013 08:05

If you've been depressed littlecloud then surely you're familiar with feeling so bad that you start thinking you're an inconvenience and better off out of the picture?

It is not their fault that they have depression but that doesn't stop the knock on effect and how they act around others and how my working day is effected and how others are made to feel as a result of their behaviour due to their illness

So you say you understand it's not their fault and yet seem very angry at something that can't be helped. If your/your colleagues' attitude isn't very very well concealed then you could easily make that person feel ten times worse and compound their feelings of low self esteem and guilt, which will only make them more ill and make your original 'problem' worse.

TheOrchardKeeper · 23/08/2013 08:07

It sounds tricky in terms of covering their work load & the set up is bad but I really do feel sorry for your colleague. Imagine how they feel if they have even an inkling of how you feel about their illness.

livinginwonderland · 23/08/2013 08:46

I have depression and anxiety and I am so glad my line manager is more sympathetic than you are. If I need the occasional day off to stop me having a full-on break down/panic attack at work, he's extremely understanding. Get a grip, OP. And several others on this thread.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 23/08/2013 09:08

Jesus Christ. It's 2013 and we're still listening to shit like this about mental health? :(

When I had a mini breakdown a couple of years ago, I got signed off work for 4 weeks after nearly taking my GP's door off the hinges, so desperate was I to see him and get help. Yet STILL I had to beg him to not write MH issues on my note because I KNEW that it would fall into the hands of people like the OP.

Makes me sick.

lifeissweet · 23/08/2013 09:09

Mental Health has a stigma. I was signed off work for depression and anxiety 2 years ago. I didn't ask to be. My ex-h called an ambulance because he was so worried about me when he came to collect our DS. He probably saved my life.

At work I probably seemed ok. Losing weight and hair, yes, but still getting on with things. At home I was a gibbering wreck from trying so hard to hold it all together.

I got the time I needed. I went back. I'm fine. My career will probably never recover. I have to live everyday with the knowledge that's colleagues all think of me as the one who can't cope and who has to be treated gently on case I lose the plot again. I hate it more than you can imagine. Why on Earth would anyone fake that?!!

theodorakisses · 23/08/2013 09:14

Most of us would do everything we could to avoid taking time off for mental health issues. My colleagues think I am a jolly and well adjusted type but really I am always on the lookout for the next black cloud. It isn't easy to admit mental health issues to your employer and if a few lazy people apparently "play the card" to get time off and are treated with empathy and respect, I would much rather that than everyone be treated with suspicion and disdain.

BuskersCat · 23/08/2013 09:21

You know what we need? A MH campaign from mumsnet

PurplePaint · 23/08/2013 09:23

I've worked with various people who I've known or suspected have Mh health issues and I've done my best to be as supportive and empathetic as I can. And I'm grateful that I'm not suffered from severe MH issues myself. However that doesn't mean that you don't get some people who take the piss and damage the standing of MH issues in the workplace.

I used to work with a guy who had such a high regard for himself that would go off with "stress and anxiety" for a few days every time the slightest thing didn't go his way - on one occasion when a client didn't follow his advice on a minor issue. Or he would start shouting about discrimination if eg someone asked if he had finished the document that was now due in or asked if he had considered X in relation to matter Y. I really don't think he had MH issues, I think he had never really grown up but by using the badge I think he started to damage the perception of MH issues in our workplace.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 23/08/2013 09:41

"I really don't think he had MH issues, I think he had never really grown up but by using the badge I think he started to damage the perception of MH issues in our workplace."

Really? It damaged perception of MH issues rather than damaging the perception of one idiot?

Interesting.

LadyFlumpalot · 23/08/2013 09:43

OP you sound just like a colleague of mine who took me to one side after I was away with depression, anxiety and stress (severe PND, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts all triggered and bought to a head by a miscarriage) to tell me she hoped I was feeling better because covering my work has been SOOOOOO stressful for her. Angry

nenevomito · 23/08/2013 09:45

Over and again on this thread I've seen the refrain that it?s the people who are faking Mental Illness that damage the standing of real mental illness. This is similar to those people who talk about the scroungers harming the real people who need benefits. When they don't know about people's circumstances or what is going on in the background.

So where is the thread about people who pretend to have a cold damaging the standing of people with real colds in the work place? It?s not here, because of cause a cold, like any other physical ailment is a visible and proper illness isn't it.

The fact is that with mental health you can't see by looking at someone whether they are ill or not, but them looking OK doesn't mean that they are OK.

Let me use myself as an example here - as I pretty much did everything that people have highlighted as taking the piss. Where someone could have said something negative, I've put it into Bold.

Work has been incredibly stressful for everyone where I work over the last few years. Multiple restructures, redundancies and ever increasing workloads. Very, very stressful. Now everyone got stressed, but because I have an underlying MH condition, it caused me to have a major relapse and I became very ill. At first I tried to struggle on, but in the end had to be signed off sick.

I went off sick during a very stressful and busy time for everyone, maybe I couldn't cope with the work?

During the time I was off sick, I was encouraged by my doctor to get out of the house as much as I could as staying in and withdrawing from friends and things that I usually enjoy can make it worse. I was encouraged to socialise and exercise.

I was seen in town on a night out, so I must have been faking, right?

After 4 months I tried to come back into work, but I had such a bad panic attack that I couldn't get out of the car. When a colleague came over to the car to see how I was, I pretended I was OK and had a friendly chat with them. I then drove off and called my boss to say I couldn't make it in.

But I was happy and friendly and was able to chat along and have a laugh. There was nothing wrong with me then, so why didn't I come into the office. Maybe I was enjoying lazing around too much!

In one last desperate attempt to get myself out of the mire, I went to visit a friend in London for a few days. I went and it was lovely, but when I got back I fell to pieces.

I was seen getting onto a train to London - if I was well enough to do that I was well enough to work.

Eventually I was admitted to hospital as the suicide risk was so great they had to admit me for my own protection. While I was an inpatient I was allowed grounds leave and then leave to the wider area. I went into town with an Occupational Therapist to get some lunch one day. I had to go with someone as I couldn't cope on my own. In town, I bumped into some work colleagues.

but I was see chatting over coffee with a friend, so why wasn't I in work?

After my discharge I was still hypomanic. I cycled everywhere and long distances to burn off energy. I went to every support group I could.

But if I am able to cycle and meet up with friends, I must be well enough to work.

Finally, on the recommendation of my CPN, my DH, DCs and I went on holiday together. Me being away from my family for 6+ weeks in hospital and horribly ill for 5 months before that had taken a horrible toll. We needed to get away and try and rebuild ourselves as the whole experience was traumatic for everyone.

I was supposed to be signed off sick, but there were my pictures on facebook of me having a good time with my family on holiday.

I'm the main breadwinner and was shit scared of what would happen when my sick pay / insurance ran out. I went back to work, still ill, in order to pay the mortgage, against the advice of my psychiatrist and CPN, but the stress of getting into mortgage arrears was so bad I forced myself to go back in.

I went back to work when my sick pay ran out, so I must have been milking the system.

So basically, you see, everything that can be seen as me taking the piss - going out, going on holiday, riding around on my bike, going back to work when the sick pay ran out - all has a reason behind it and all was in conjunction of me having a serious mental health condition - the supposedly "popular these days" bipolar.

If you are not the person involved, their family, GP, their CPN, their social worker or Psychiatrist, you really don't know what is going on and you really should stop with this horribly ignorant bollocks.

TheOrchardKeeper · 23/08/2013 09:49

I think it's hard in the sense that it's hard for those who deal with the fallout but it can't (usually) be helped by the ill person and there is a difference between dealing with stress and a heavy workload and being ill, whether that's mentally or physically. Maybe workplaces need to start putting better provisions in place for when people do need time off due to unforseen illness like MH illness.

nenevomito · 23/08/2013 09:51

"I had a colleague who always pretended to have food poisoning / a cold / flu and I think he damaged the standing of physical illness in our company!"

See - it doesn't make sense that way does it?

TheOrchardKeeper · 23/08/2013 09:52

^ babyheave put it brilliantly.

You shouldn't have to explain yourself in such a personal way because a few people have fibbed about having MH issues.

If people actually understood that you don't have to be a bedbound crying wreck to be unfit for work with MH issues then that'd be a start. That's why I think a new campaign would be a good idea.

ourlittlestreet · 23/08/2013 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ev1lEdna · 23/08/2013 10:09

Babyheave that was a very good and hopefully enlightening (to those on this thread who need it) post. You cannot know what is going on in a person's life unless you are fully involved. I think some of the attitudes on this thread are appalling.

Misspixietrix · 23/08/2013 10:18

The Dr Rant page on FB was only saying the other day that if he signs a Patient unfit for work that's the end of it and commentators went on to discuss that a lot of them don't put down the reasons why the Patient is Ill and also it's got sod all to do with anyone else. So OP just wondering. How did you find out the reason for his sick leave? Also this may surprise you but people don't suddenly develop Depression. They normally struggle with it for a while before seeking help. It's attitudes like the OPs that stop sufferers seeking help earlier.

PurplePaint · 23/08/2013 11:33

Actually baby heave I think it can work the same for physical illnesses. Years ago as a student I used to do a more physical job and there was a guy who said he had a bad back. Said bad back appeared to be worse and almost exclusively required time off after he had had a big night out, there was international football on or there were tasks on that he didn't want to do. And like my other colleague he didn't care if this meant other people has to cover for him.

So which then damages the standing of others who have genuine back problems when your main experience of dealing with it before is with someone who swung the lead.

nenevomito · 23/08/2013 11:39

Thanks for that anecdote. It sure puts the discriminatory bollocks about MH issues that have been spread all over this thread into perspective.

mrspuddleduckie · 23/08/2013 11:43

Excellent post babyheave

BoffinMum · 23/08/2013 11:48

Frankly given the uncertainty, anxiety and insecurity many people are forced to endure in post 2007 society, I am surprised more people don't keel over with MH problems.