To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

[funkypigeon]

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

*If you are not attracted to physical features of the black men you have met then its not racist, its just a fact.

If you don't fancy black men because you think they are dirty and lazy and riddled with STDs then it would be racist (actual reasons I have heard).*

Yes MrsD, the first one of course. But i know enough to know i will never find some looks physically attractive. (i feel actual repulsion and nausea for men with long hair - no idea why - it just turns my stomach). And it would be weird/silly etc to write them off IF it were a conscious decision, but it isn't, it is an instinct i cannot control. (Hence the doppelganger husbands)

YABU because for some bizarre reason you said Pakistani, not Asian, or south Asian. You identified a country. How very Daily Mail. You might as well have just said Muslim and have done with it.

Errrrr loopy he looks skanky like he needs a wash. I like Clean cut guys

it could be racist but you know the context I don't know you.

I don't think I find pakistani men attractive but I wouldn't say they're all off limits because of their background that to me is narrow minded. Millions of them to say there's none that I will find attractive is really mental. I didn't like any Bangladeshi men until my parents told me to give them a chance before writing them off, and whaddya know happily married to one, nt happily married to cultural baggage.

first choice danniel henney used to like David gondola when he was younger.

Other issue is socialising. People tend to flock with others that look like them a p d have similar social habits as them. So it's natural for Caucasians t hang out with each other, and Indians, Nigerians etc. in the natural order of things it would then explain why these people tend to prefer their own ethnic backgrounds as a potential partner, or it could backfire and be the cause for them hating their own race. Like me I very much hate a lot of them for their cultural attitudes so caveman, women too lol

But I thought people were mixing more or am I to believe that is a lie? lots of different races but living in ghettos apart?

I can also say i don't find Muslims attractive Argy, I also don't find Christian, Jewish, Jain, Hindu, Hari Krishna, Sikh, 7th day adventist, Mormon, etc attractive. I couldn't fancy anyone who believed in something so fundamentally different to me.

Same with political ideology.

So on my shortlist would be about looks first and strong beliefs second. I wouldn't consider dating anyone who didn't pass those criteria.

Friends on the other hand, the more diverse the merrier.

Based on only myself....I like people who are different physically, but similar socially.

I wouldn't want to marry someone who didn't speak English as a first language, and I have been dumped by a bloke because I didn't speak his language (although he spoke English well). I was freaked out the other day when a neighbour, born and bread in the same town as me used a slang word I'd never heard.

Actually, he's bald, but I don;t fancy him. He looks like Max from EE.

Argy Asian is usually, chineese, Japenese, not people from Pakistan. People have a right to have relationships with whomever they want, we don't live in a dictatorship!

I can't think any Asian men I really fancy, though my Sikh uni lab partner was lovely.

My black flat mate freely admitted she only fancied very athletic black men.

This was bad, both ber boyfriends were gorgeous.

argymargy

I am Muslim, so, er no.

We were talking about physical looks so ethnicity or race could come into it, but heavens sake how can you judge someone's physical attractiveness on something you cannot see other than by inquiring about it I,e religion? Unless they're in obvious religious dress? Yes religion is important to me too, but I didn't realise we were discussing that here, least I wasn't.

Funky you can be muslim and be racist against certain races, since Islam is not confined to race. ppl think Arabs are the largest muslim race when it's actually Indonesians followed by south Asians.

Funky are you Arab?

I was responding to Argy saying it would be 'daily mail' and racist to say you didn't fancy Muslims. I was trying to point out i don't think that is racist either - depending on your reasoning. I know the thread is about physical appearance.

No I'm not Arab. You're right, we weren't talking about religion, but it was posted by argymargy that "I might have well as come out with Muslim" suggesting very clearly that I might be not attracted to Pakistani men because they are Muslim. And I was pointing out that since I am Muslim, that wouldn't be the case, at least in my opinion.

Argy Asian is usually, chineese, Japenese, not people from Pakistan.

Well that is categorically wrong.

WM it is correct where i live, but in the UK Asian usually means Indian/Pakistani doesn't it?

The term Asian generally refers to anyone from (by birth or ancestry) a South Asian country. As Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka etc. are in Southern Asia, so the term would apply to people from these countries.

I cannot believe anyone thinks a sweeping generalisation like "I don't find Pakistani men attractive" is NOT racist. Jesus wept.

A black friend of mine admitted to me that she did not find white men attractive . She could not understand the fuss over people like Brad Pitt,
George Clooney etc. She also said that her brothers did not find white woman attractive.

I was surprised that she told me this as i am white. One is entitled to ones own opinion, but to voice it...

While personal preferences may not be racist, many have dealt with people calling "preferences" ideas that were disgustingly racist. Many have written about the horrible feeling of being treated as a fetish object. It also goes the other way, there are so many things that make a person attractive, many not physical, and to think that no one of X group is going to fit that is more likely down to an idea of people in X group are like rather than the real people within that group. Adding on to the far lower representation of Asian men in attractive media roles (they have the lowest hiring rates across all Western media, particularly Hollywood, it's not surprising that they are one of the most likely group pinned for hear this kind of talk about. Personal preferences tend to have a lot of social reinforcement.

I'm Asian, I don't find white men attractive. I don't get the fuss over Brad Pitt etc either. just throwing that in there...

On the other hand DH who is very much Indian , has blue eyes. so maybe I do fancy white men. Im confused.

I don't fancy Brad Pitt either. Doesn't mean all white men are off the table.

I've never found Chinese or Japanese men attractive, although i think the women are very beautiful, any other race is fair game though .
I don't like long hair on men or beards, the only exception being Aragon on LOTR

Sexual attraction has nothing to do with racism.

People tend to be attracted to other people that somewhat resemble their families and people they grew up with.
It's biological and not by choice.

Whereas respecting all people regardless of what they look like, is a choice.

I can say I've only ever dated white men - would that be rasist?

I've never met a man I fancy from any othe race but there are plenty of people who are on TV that I do. They are all types, colours, ages, sizes.

will smith, Bruce Springsteen, masood from eastender, jet lee, tyrion from GOT the list could go on. I could name loads I'm not attracted too as well and they would also cover a massive spectrum. But even though I can name ppl I like I can also generalise and say I usually only fancy white men( in real life).

I've turned men down who have asked me out who are black because I just don't fancy them, I wouldn't say they were ugly or even unattractive but I don't find them attractive. I have them as friends and I love them
they're all beautiful people, unfortunately being a single parent who doesn't get out much I don't have any other friends from any other different races. That doesn't make me racist.
And I would never turn down anyone on race alone its a combination of looks, personality and chemistry between us.

Lweji - sometimes it can be be connected to racism. Some people will actively seek a partner of a particular race to fulfill an unrealistic fantasy based on racist stereotypes and some will avoid potential partners of particular races also due stereotypes. Not always, but the idea that personal preferences never have anything to do with racism ignores a lot of people's experiences of these people as well as how powerful social systems can play in personal ideals.

I also disagree that it is solely biological and lack of choice. In my own dating life, having been raised in an American city that is notoriously known for it's segregation to this day, I found social pressure and exposure gave me a very narrow "type" that I was attracted to. As I got older, I made the choice to actively look into my own concepts of personal beauty and who I found attractive and the roots of it, both in myself and in wider society. I now have far far broader tastes. We have far more choice in our personal preferences than society would like to give us credit for.