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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

429 replies

funkypigeon · 20/08/2013 20:29

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

OP posts:
ageofgrandillusion · 20/08/2013 21:41

Threads like this always bring out the littlemog types. Tis very boring.

somersethouse · 20/08/2013 21:47

I don't think it is racist. It is your preference that is all. It could change though! I used to HATE the thought of a hairy chest - now I love them.

I have a friend, two actually, they only fancy black men. They find white men wimpy. One has the most beautiful mixed race child and is trying for another and black men have always fancied her, always.

I like scruffy men, don't mind at all overweight men. Some people would hate that. I also don't mind bald men, I have a friend who hates bald - she put it on her dating profile and the abuse she got! She just does not fancy them but would love them as a friend.

The people saying about men preferring blondes, brunettes etc - all true... we all have our types, probably all part of genetic make-up.

carlywurly · 20/08/2013 21:48

See, I wouldn't say it. Even if I thought it. Which I do, incidentally. I I would probably spin it to focus on what I did find attractive, rather than stating what I didn't.

But - I do tend to err on the side of pc caution much of the time tbh.

LessMissAbs · 20/08/2013 21:49

Moche Not racist, just ignorant - I worked in N Pakistan where you find men with blue / green eyes and light hair & white skin (some even reminded me of Polish men!)

I don't, on the whole, fancy Polish men. Or not at least all the ones I've met recently. Theres a predisposition to a certain facial type that I don't find attractive. And if you think that phenotype is unrelated to genotype, then you don't know your biology!

I think the likliehood of me meeting a blue eyed fair skinned Northern Pakistani man is relatively rare and then being attracted to them above all the other blue eyed fair skinned Northern European men that I meet is almost nil. At any rate, any Pakistani with that phenotype is likely to be a descendant of Alexander the Great or his army, or to have some European ancestry because it isn't a spontaneous mutation or throwback - Asians are thought to have moved directly from early Homo Sapiens in the Great Rift Valley, and then proto-Europeans then emigrated from Asia to what is now Europe, both hundreds of thousands of years ago. Northern Europeans then adapted to conditions which would have included attractiveness for reproduction, so it would appear to be not unusual for Northern Europeans to be attracted to fair skinned fellow Northern Europeans, otherwise blond/e hair colour would not have evolved so successfully.

somersethouse · 20/08/2013 21:49

Ehric - hilarious! You are so funny. Nobody could argue with you with that selection of gorgeousness! Grin

somersethouse · 20/08/2013 21:53

Also deleting browsing history. Smile

comingalongnicely · 20/08/2013 21:53

To save aggro in the future you could just say "I've never seen an Asian man that attracts me" the handbag clutchers won't have anything to moan about then....

Latara · 20/08/2013 22:00

Pakistani men all look different and vary in skin colour, eye and hair colour though? For example Balochs, Punjabis and Pashtuns are all different.

Latara · 20/08/2013 22:01

Personally I don't rule out any men unless they are nasty bastards or total freaky weirdos.

MrsKoala · 20/08/2013 22:02

I have only ever fancied very pale skinned men. So no one black, asian, middle eastern, south european etc. I can appreciate they aren't ugly and that others fancy them but i just don't. None of those that Ehric posted do anything for me, in fact i find some of them girly or creepy looking (not because of their race btw). So i think i can safely predict i will not find anyone who isn't blue tinged, like me, attractive. I like to think of myself as more of a narcissist than a racist.

Sanctimummy · 20/08/2013 22:06

You aren't racist at all because you don't usually fancy white/pakistani/asian/black men. Or whatever.

It's just like me saying 'I don't usually go for ginger guys'

It's about your type, what you are attracted to. Nothing to do with being bloody racist. I wouldn't ever date a chinese guy, because I don't find myself attracted to them. That's my sexual preference, it's my taste. I am not racist.

pigletmania · 20/08/2013 22:11

It's up to you who you are attracted to, yanbu that's your tastes and you're entitled to them!

itsonlysubterfuge · 20/08/2013 22:11

why isn't Pakistan part of the middle east?

OhDearNigel · 20/08/2013 22:12

I like tall, strapping redheaded men. Ergo i've never found any asian men attractive. That doesnt make me racist, it just means that there are few redheaded asian men in circulation

OhDearNigel · 20/08/2013 22:16

Otoh if i were gay then bring on the Indian women. Gorgeous !

DavidHarewoodsFloozy · 20/08/2013 22:16

No preference me, not fussy. Always wanted to just shag the World ( ethnically speaking).

I gave it a good bash, debagged a man on every continent .Grin

DavidHarewoodsFloozy · 20/08/2013 22:19

That,s a lie, not Antartica..

EmmaGellerGreen · 20/08/2013 22:24

I have Asian friend who has always said that she finds Asian men unattractive. Not sure how that could make her racist?

EagleRiderDirk · 20/08/2013 22:27

I don't think its racist at all. Especially as its a not usually. I'm not usually attracted to black men, but then a few have certainly turned my head. An old colleague, on the other hand, is usually attracted to black men not white men. We're both white. I don't think either are racist at all, its just what we tend to like.

It would be racist if you said you would never date someone purely because they we're both x race. People get turned on and attracted to whatever and whoever they do.

StuntGirl · 20/08/2013 22:28

I think labelling an entire race unattractive is..well, weird if not racist.

Grossly misquoting there; the actual statement was:

"Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men"

Yep, and her title was "AIBU to think I'm not being racist if I say I am not attracted to Pakistani person".

If you're not attracted to this person because they're Pakistani = racist. Finding an entire race unattractive is racist.

If you're not attracted to this person because they're not your type/their personality is shitty/whatever = not racist. In which case bringing their race into it is irrelevant. So bringing it up seems kinda weird...or racist.

musicismylife · 20/08/2013 22:36

My friend is white and has only ever dated black men. Does that make her `racist? Hmm

Or, let me guess, she must have some kind of fetish, as her mum so kindly told her.

I do not fancy Chinese or Pakistani or Indian men. Fact

I like very black men ( think the Ugandan guy who won marathon this weekend)
I like very white men with red hair\freckles (think borris Becker). It is what floats my boat and whoever thought to equate what we find attractive or don't find attractive as some how racist, seems, well just silly.

LynetteScavo · 20/08/2013 22:36

I'm trying not to out myself here...

One of my parents is of a certain race. I don't fancy anyone from one of that race. By anyone, I mean at the grand old age of 40, I've never met or seen anyone from that race I fancy.

According to some posters on this thread that makes me racist.

Go figure.

There is another race I also don't find sexually attractive.

And yet another where I often find myself thinking "phwar".

I also don't fancy women. Ever.

I must be sexist.

WMittens · 20/08/2013 22:37

DavidHarewoodsFloozy

That,s a lie, not Antartica..

At least the males are always well dressed in Antartica {sic}.

MrsKoala · 20/08/2013 22:38

So is saying 'i don't fancy black guys' racist then?

softlysoftly · 20/08/2013 22:39

What do you call a good looking Asian Man?

Asif

[Grin]