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Original poster

To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

429 replies

funkypigeon · 20/08/2013 20:29

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

OP posts:
SoldAtAuction · 21/08/2013 01:35

I have seen examples of men from almost every ethnicity that are hot! Grin.
My preference is for the Nordic type; I swear, my uterus is a DNA compass, I can track a Finn in a crowd without even trying!

MistressDeeCee · 21/08/2013 01:45

I'm from St Lucia and only fancy black men. I don't feel that makes me a racist. I have white friends both male & female, we've never even had that conversation. Now thinking of it, I've never seen them with non-white partners. Should I stop talking to them as that somehow makes them racist..? Should they stop talking to me simply because I don't fancy white men? Personally I feel its up to each individual who they're attracted to physically and emotionally, & its patronising to suggest they don't know for themself who/what floats their boat. Its nobody else"s business to stick their nose in and define.So no,OP I don't think you're racist.

nooka · 21/08/2013 02:25

This thread has some weird comments on it. I find blonde men unattractive, so could with some justification say that I am not usually attracted to Scandinavian men. Because I'm not, I only fancy men who have dark hair and eyes, preferably with a beard. I'm 40 so I'd say that preference was pretty established now.

My sexual preferences impact no-one (especially as I am married and therefore it's all a bit academic) and have nothing to do with any other interaction I might have with a blonde. I am not racist toward Scandinavians/blondes, especially as I am open to the possibility that there might be one or two that float my boat (e.g I quite like Viggo Mortenson but only when he has dark hair and a beard).

MrsDV is also right though, some people's preferences are based on all sorts of stereotypes that may well be actively racist.

Mimishimi · 21/08/2013 03:51

No, not really. I'm not physically attracted to blondes with blue/green eyes at all and I don't think I'm being racist with that. However, if I were to say that there are no attractive Nordic looking people, I think that would be a but racist and obviously very untrue. I just personally don't feel a thrill of excitement but I can objectively say that someone is handsome/beautiful and likely to attract someone else. My DH is Indian and I think he is very handsome however, like with everyone else, that doesn't mean I think all Indian men are. I've heard Indian guys (who are generally later proven to be hypocritical jerks anyway) say they think white women are all fat and very ugly ... That is racist but if they just said that they are no attracted to white women (whilst still acknowledging that there are attractive white women), I don't think it would be.

NadiaWadia · 21/08/2013 03:52

It seems a bit racist, TBH, or at least narrow minded to write off millions of men in this way. You are limiting your choices drastically! There are very attractive men (and women) of all races.

MrsKoala · 21/08/2013 03:54

Littlesporkbigspork - Yes - i studied modules of Fetishism at university (as part of my degree course) and wrote/presented about the fetishisation of black males in homosexual pornography (particularly in the 80s). It was considered a form of racism to fetishise them as sex objects usually based on the assumption of 'animal' type charicteristics, athletic physical 'prowess', size of penis, desire for multiple partners etc made them particularly fetishised in the gay community and also a 'fear' of straight white men that they would 'take' their women. The hypothesis seemed to be if you fancy black men only because you think they have a huge cock and go like the clappers then you have reduced them to mere 'animals' to pleasure you and this is a form of racism often termed negrophilia. It is the flip side of racism as you are still making the group 'other' to you. If that makes sense.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 21/08/2013 04:28

MrsK I've met white women who do that. One insisted to me that to go out with a black man you must shave your genitals. Hmm she only dated black men you see so she knew
That's racist, because it's stereotyping and fetishising at the same time (and it's also just a bit thick)

TheBleedinObvious · 21/08/2013 04:47

Yabu

Ruling out an entire racial group is racist.

Not being racist is saying "I'm not usually attracted to---"

Or " I haven't been attracted to ---before".

TheBleedinObvious · 21/08/2013 04:48

Or you could just say "my preference is----" without dismissing entire racial groups.

MrsKoala · 21/08/2013 04:55

Yes Ehric, i had a male friend who reckoned that 'all black girls are funny about people touching their boobs, they don't mind you going for the pants when kissing, but they WILL push your hands away from their boobs'. He had snogged one black girl in his life, which is where his amazing insight into black female sexuality was scientifically concluded. Confused

Lazyjaney · 21/08/2013 06:28

You werent racist OP, you were Politically Incorrect - far worse sin.

Firsttimemummy33 · 21/08/2013 06:31

People from the Middle East are actually Asian, were you not attracted to your husband?

bragmatic · 21/08/2013 06:33

I'd struggle with people from certain countries, solely due to the accent.

curlew · 21/08/2013 06:51

I don't think you are racist for not generally finding men from the Indian sub continent sexually attractive. A bit blind to some possibilities, perhaps, but not racist.

However, I have never met anyone who used the word "Pakistani" as a blanket term who wasn't a racist.

pumpkinsweetie · 21/08/2013 07:01

I don't think this is racist, but maybe could have been worded correctly to avoid insulting the polictley correct brigade.

I don't generally fancy chinese men, just don't but i wouldn't say it out loud as it may offend. I would mention the types i DID fancy rather than those i don't.

Twattybollocks · 21/08/2013 07:03

I'm not attracted to non Caucasian men. I don't think that makes me a racist. I consider all races, genders and sexual orientations to be equal human beings with equal rights, I am simply not sexually attracted to people not of my own race. Obviously I've not met every man in the world, so there may be some out there who would change my mind, but I've not met one so far. This is not to say that I don't look at a non Caucasian man and think "wow he's handsome" or what a great physique, but it doesn't make the hair on my neck stand on end and my knees all wobbly.
I'm not attracted to gay men either, does that make me homophobic?

itsonlysubterfuge · 21/08/2013 07:13

Anyone from the Asian continent is Asian. I am from America and my husband is from the UK so I am use to saying Asian and meaning people from the far east, i.e. Japanese, Chinese, etc. and he is use to saying Asian, meaning someone from the Middle East, i.e. India, Iraq, etc. They are both technically Asian. Although I am secrectly more right than him. Also, Pakistan is part of the Middle East.

Also, people from Russia are actually Asian as well, weird when you think about it that way.

curlew · 21/08/2013 07:28

Not being attracted to non Caucasian men- blinkered but not necessarily racist.
Using "Pakistani" to mean anything but people specifically from Pakistan-definitely racist. HTH.

I

merlincat · 21/08/2013 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peacefuloptimist · 21/08/2013 08:00

To be honest I do think your being racist and very ignorant as well. What is the point of this thread in the first place? Most caucasians marry/partner up with caucasians. Most black people marry/partner up with black people. Most Chinese, Arabs, Indians, Pakistanis etc. What your attracted to is what you are normally exposed to? Of course that doesn't make you racist. However to pick a specific group of people based on race to be unattracted to is an unnecessary exercise and that you have thought it out and vocalised it in my eyes makes it clear you think in racist terms.

nooka · 21/08/2013 08:08

I wouldn't say that Pakistan is a part of the Middle East, to me the Middle East is the Arabian peninsula plus Turkey (which is also a part of Europe), Iran (which is also part of Asia) and Egypt (which is also part of Africa). Certainly those are the countries I studied during my degree which specialised in Middle Eastern politics, although that was a long time ago.

I suspect definitions of large geographical areas are quite fluid, I know that some Iranians very definitely feel they are not a part of the Middle East.

My only concern re racism is that many of the rich Arab nations pull their cheap workforces from countries like Pakistan and treat them very badly so I guess that could potentially be something for the OP to consider should she have been heavily influenced by her ex, or lived somewhere live Dubai perhaps. Doesn't sound like it though.

Lweji · 21/08/2013 08:15

LSBS, actively seeking a partner is not the same as being sexually attracted to.

And I didn't say anything about lack of choice.

I can be attracted to men of different "races" (they don't exist), but generally those men have features that are somewhat similar to my own genetic background.

It's biological because you can't make yourself lust over someone you don't fancy.

Amrapaali · 21/08/2013 08:21

loopy Naveen Andrews? No! Just no!

Look at THIS guy. Nice eyes... Wink

OP, you are not racist. But please put more thought into the exact words you are saying.. Pakistani/Indian/Asian- seems to be all over the place.

Are you not interested in people from Pakistan? Or anyone from Asia? Or people who look South Asian? A lazy shorthand with words is a quick way to be misunderstood/labelled racist....

Amrapaali · 21/08/2013 08:22

And peacefuloptimist has said it so much better....

MrsLouisTheroux · 21/08/2013 08:26

Lazy Janey : You werent racist OP, you were Politically Incorrect - far worse sin.
Sums it up perfectly IMO! Grin