To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

[funkypigeon]

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

[ArgyMargy]

Yes, funky. For future reference, population of Asia is 4.1bn, population of Pakistan is 178m. India is 1.2bn, China is 1.3bn. So if you are going to name one country to stand as a proxy for Asia, Pakistan is not really a good choice. In fact why not use Asia to refer to Asia.

[funkypigeon]

argymargy- you are sarcastic, what a horrible trait. Can't you write properly?

Yes I did clarify, and apologised so that should be the end of it.

[funkypigeon]

Because, curlew I made a mistake when writing it.

[curlew]

You wrote Pakistani by mistake?

How on earth did you do that?

[funkypigeon]

Actually it was because I felt weird putting Pakistani again so I put Asian instead. Ok?

[curlew]

Not OK.

[funkypigeon]

Oh alright curlew, give it a rest will you?

[ArgyMargy]

Yes, funky, I can write properly. I didn't mean to seem quite so sarcastic, however, so I apologise.

[funkypigeon]

Apology accepted, argy

[Goldenhandshake]

OP I don't think it is racist no, your preference is your preference.

Personally I only seem to go for white men with dark hair and blue eyes and a particular build, that rules out a whole host of other men. It is my personal preference that is all.

There is so much sensitivity around race now, that people like the OP are worried about voicing their personal preference even when it is entirely reasonable (and human), I find that very sad.

[MoonlightPicnic]

When I was a singleton a few years back I used to find it strange that some people on internet dating profiles would put that they weren't interested in members of their own race.

[Lavidaenrosa]

You like what you like.

I like men with black curly hair. The only boyfriend with black curly hair became my DH. But not because of his black hair. Keep your options open OP.

[Lavidaenrosa]

mixed race is the prettiest ever Not true. There is beauty in every 'race'.

[Lweji]

How about Bangladesh and Japan?
Thailand, Vietnam, just to name a few.

It would have made more sense to say Indian (as in Indian subcontinent) than Pakistani (although there are at least two genetically distinct groups in India - "Reconstructing Indian population history. Nature. 2009 ), and totally unreasonable to have meant all Asian, as the countries you mentioned have quite distinct types.

Anyway, take note in future.

[EstelleGetty]

Absolutely, Lavidaenrosa, but I found that post offensive mainly because it suggested that all mixed race people are somehow the same.

[Lavidaenrosa]

Estelle I think it's a clumsy attempt to sound/be nice about someone who is mixed race.

And there are so many mixed race, I believe the main definition is someone with a black and white ancestry but to me means any kind of 'mix'.

Southamericans are almost all mixed race, according to me.

[Jewelledkaleidoscope]

Um... latara and world citizen , I think you may know each other

[TheOneAndOnlyFell]

I don't think it is racist to say that you are generally unattracted to them, no, but I do think it is blinkered and small minded to say something like 'I could never be attracted to a Pakistani (or insert ethnicity of choice) man.'

You haven't met them all yet - you don't know.

[Jewelledkaleidoscope]

Oh dear, apologies, read that all wrong backwards, ignore me

[Moche]

Just google 'green eyed Pakistani' (& look at images) & see the diversity - for those who assume all Pakistanis are the same.


[samandi - wrote in hurry so unclear sentence construction: meant Sufism is more Buddhist in outlook (than many other types of Islam). Fully aware 1000 ish years later. Also origin of Buddhism is contentested: early evidence in N Pakistan. ]

[dysfunctionallynormal]

Ur not racist lol! You can't force yourself to be attracted to people. I'm not attracted to asian men (and i'm asian myself!). I've never been attracted to or fancied afro caribb.men,or chinese either. That doesn't make me racist,just means that chemistry has never been there even when faced with an obv gorgeous man. I wouldn't say Never but i think it is highly unlikely that i ever will.

[EmmelineGoulden]

I think it's hard to accept that we pretty much all internalize racist attitudes despite consiciously believing racism is wrong. But growing up in a racist society, it is practically impossible not to have internalized some of the racist value system. People can't be expected to sleep with people they aren't attracted to, but that doesn't mean some of the reason for that attraction or lack off isn't due to racist socialization.

Project Implicit, though obviously limited, is an interesting exercise in seeing to what extent you hold some attitudes without realizing it.
implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatest.html - for computers with a keyboard
implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/user/agg/blindspot/tablet.htm - for tablets

[EmmelineGoulden]

Oh sorry. Didn't realize this thread had been dead a week+.

[dysfunctionallynormal]

lol! sorry - just me browsing. thanks for the links tho, food for thought!

[MyBaby1day]

It's not racist in itself no, as long as you aren't saying offensive things about them as people. I am also not attracted to black and Pakistani men. I usually go for white guys but as feminine rightly said, you never know who may be waiting around that corner, I am now smitten with a tanned Romanian man!. But no, YANBU.