Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

429 replies

funkypigeon · 20/08/2013 20:29

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 21/08/2013 20:52

I know I have a type I'm attracted to.

Dark hair and dark eyes, some muscles (but not overkill) can be nice.

This does cover a wide range of people, but from the slebs I'm been attracted to on tv, I can narrow it down to mostly white or olive skinned, but not too dark skinned. And yes, sometimes I have found myself attracted to some Asian men who haven't had too dark a skin colour.

But that's just the physical type I like (and it's taken me years to work out what I've been attracted to).

DP has light brown hair and steel grey eyes. Thing is, once I met him, I got talking to him, and then the personality took over from the physical type. And we've been together more than 26 years, now.

Physical type is just the initial attraction for me, it's talking to someone,etc that makes the difference afterwards.

worldcitizen · 21/08/2013 21:06

Lweji (of course it's bad grammar to say "I usually am never attracted to". You are usually not attracted or you are never attracted.)

Thanks for the English grammar lesson Thanks

Lweji · 21/08/2013 21:38

a person has far more genetically in common with a random person of another race than a random person of one's own

What you mean is that the genetic distance between two random people from the same race is greater than the average genetic distance between two races.

Race is a human construct designed to put different people in nice boxes. There is a continuum, although we tend to recognise stereotypes for certain groups.

Interesting the comment about the different European/Caucasian races, when Caucasians are much more similar to each other than any two people with a high African genetic heritage.

But lots of people in Europe wouldn't be able to distinguish easily the most genetically distant groups, all within Africa.

Race is not the same as ethnical background.

I certainly don't consider myself part of a race. Just a species, but yes I have a predominantly White European genetic background. With green eyes and pale skin, although south European.

LimitedEditionLady · 21/08/2013 21:45

That was the point i was making. whomever said would it be a problem if op said caucasian instead.
Feels sometimes if someone says anything to do with asian it all kicks off.

curlew · 21/08/2013 21:55
LimitedEditionLady · 21/08/2013 22:07

I heard you curlew,i agree ( first time for everything lol)

LimitedEditionLady · 21/08/2013 22:07

Quite like your cloak too.

curlew · 21/08/2013 22:17
LimitedEditionLady · 21/08/2013 22:20

Shout louder.shout "penis" always a head turner.

strokey · 21/08/2013 22:42

I personally don't mind if I am labelled racist by a few people. Its so subjective as this thread shows.

I don't fancy black people, and I like that my children have similar colouring to myself. If you think that is racist so be it. I am expecting number 3 and will love her no matter what she looks like obviously.

I had no idea that the using the word mate in place of reproduce is racist! Isnt it just juvenile? We say it a lot.

Original poster
funkypigeon · 21/08/2013 22:45

Ok, so I worded it wrong. I get that. I should not have said that 'I am not usually attracted to Asian men' because it's using a blanket term. I should have worded it better, that's for sure.

OP posts:
ravenAK · 21/08/2013 22:47

Just RTFT. What curlew said. Nice cloak btw.

EstelleGetty · 21/08/2013 22:47

Racism is not subjective. It's not like 'are One Direction shit or not?' There is racist and there is not racist.

I'll grant you the fact that a person can be ill informed and say racist things without intending to offend, but the deed remains offensive.

And what does shouting 'penis' have to do with this discussion?

strokey · 21/08/2013 22:55

Hm, well, there are plenty of people on here saying the OPs situation is racist. Plenty saying it isn't.

So not everyone is in agreement on what constitutes racism.

littlemog · 21/08/2013 22:55

What if no 3 was born black? I believe that this can happen in very rare circumstances. If she came out a different colour to you, would you still lover her?

littlemog · 21/08/2013 22:56

Or even love her? I am not a Devonian!

Secretswitch · 21/08/2013 23:06

My last mating produced a child looking nothing like me or her father. Wonder what's up with that?!

StuntGirl · 22/08/2013 00:35

Probably because half the people on this thread are racist too.

LessMissAbs · 22/08/2013 04:00

Have to say I read it as the op giving Pakistani as an example of a nationality she wasn't attracted to. I'm not sure why she mentioned Pakistanis in particular, but since the post mentions a conversation, it might have simply been something that came up in conversation.

(of course if she had said get and, or Scandinavians, the number of posts claiming she was racist would be reduced by a tenth). At least. (am I the only one feeling uncomfortable with it being assumed that mentioning someone is Pakistani has such connotations that some consider it racist? Outwith the op's post?)

Moche your post was interesting (apart from the cawing). Archaelogists are not the only people allowed to have discussions on human evolution. Geneticists and linguists also have opinions, as do scientists.

The whole history of human evolution is full of conflict over resources. I realise that picking one ethnic group and period of time and blaming it all on them is terribly trendy and right on.

I also loved the post (sorry forgotten the name and can't scroll back on phone) of the poster who suggested that if someone disagrees with her, they must have 'baggage'!

curlew · 22/08/2013 06:53

"am I the only one feeling uncomfortable with it being assumed that mentioning someone is Pakistani has such connotations that some consider it racist? Outwith the op's post?)"

I don't think anyone has said that.

ArgyMargy · 22/08/2013 08:08

LessMiss has made a good point. Pakistani is the most unfortunate country to name, as "Paki" has consistently been used as an insulting term for anyone brown who is clearly not of African origin. And the OP has just admitted that she should have used Asian - thereby implying that she herself thinks of Asians as "Pakis".

I agree that if she had said Swedish, she may have had fewer accusations of racism.

creighton · 22/08/2013 08:13

stroke who is the 'we' that uses the word mate about having children?

people don't like the word because it is what you use about animals. do you think this language is appropriate to use about people who do not look like you?

curlew · 22/08/2013 08:19

And the sort of people who would use "Paki" to mean anyone with brown skin thinks they are OK to say Pakistani, because that's the "proper word".....

worldcitizen · 22/08/2013 08:26

I would also agree with LessMiss and Argy. I also get the feeling it's about the mentioning of Pakistan or Asian which has caused way more emotional reactions.

Like I've said before. Would there be the mention of Germans, for example....

Latara · 22/08/2013 08:27

Why are people using the word 'mating' - that's what animals do, not humans!

I never ever hear RL people using the term 'to mate' instead of 'have sex with' or 'sleep with'!