To think I am NOT being racist if I say I am not attracted to a Pakistani person?

[funkypigeon]

I am newly-ish single after a long marriage to a man from the Middle East.
I had a conversation with a few friends today, over coffee we got talking about types of men that we are attracted to. I said Mediterranean, Middle Eastern. Then I said I am not usually attracted to Asian men, and my friend said that was being racist.

I am shocked tbh. Am I? I've got loads of Asian friends, and colleagues. Just because I don't fancy them doesn't mean I would ever be rude or treat them differently.

Opinions please!

strokey I believe you will find that research actually points to the opposite of what you think. We are attracted to a "mate" more if they are genetically different to ourselves, the theory being that it is nature trying to keep us from having an incestuous relationship which would be more likely to yield sickly offspring or increase the risk of miscarriage.

strokey your little phrase mate with a black man made me heave, WTAF? Have you any idea how you sound?

Plus, I am adopted. I do not really look a whole lot like my parents but you know what? They love me anyway because they are not twats who feel the need to see themselves reflected back at them every time they look at their child

Your posts have made me

And Mrs D. your daughter is amazingly beautiful.

One of the best posts on this thread was made by EldritchCleavage on the very first page. I think some of her words bear repeating:

"It might be, but it isn't necessarily. Sometimes people aren't attracted to people of a specific race because they've internalised (not necessarily consciously) negative ideas and stereotypes about that race. So the lack of attraction comes from racist thinking, if you see what I mean. Or just the fact that the race in question has a lower status in the society, something like that."

As others have pointed out, race is a social construct with no biological reality. That doesn't mean it is unimportant. But it does mean that our perception of race is very much bound up in our cultural conditioning.

I can't imagine writing off large swathes of the population as being unattractive (or even "unattractive to me"). That just seems like such an oddly limited way of looking at the world.

I was just thinking, I don't have DCs yet, but would like to soon. Whatever they turn out looking like, that's all good.

HOWEVER, if they somehow end up ignorant and racist, I would disown them. But I don't mate with a racist, so hopefully chances aren't too high.

Mating with a racist would be a bad thing to do indeed.

25 years ago I'd have said I was not attracted to men with fair hair. Dark hair was my thang.
DH is a fair pale Scotsman.
Maybe you've just never met one that floats your boat?

i see the debate has, er, 'moved on' been injected with a whole can o' crazy since i last posted.

I just want to say again that such an oddly limited way of looking at the world. would only be relevant if who you fancy was a conscious decision. But what most people (the ones who aren't banging on about mini mes at least) are saying is it is just instinctive. If, as i said in my previous postyou choose a race because you fetishise them based on steroetypes or eugenic principles, then you are making a conscious choice. Which is ignorant.

Dr.Ranj
Naveen Andrews.
I'm sorry OP, but you just would.

lesmisabs ? any rate, any Pakistani with that phenotype is likely to be a descendant of Alexander the Great or his army, or to have some European ancestry because it isn't a spontaneous mutation or throwback - Asians are thought to have moved directly from early Homo Sapiens in the Great Rift Valley, and then proto-Europeans then emigrated from Asia to what is now Europe, both hundreds of thousands of years ago. Northern Europeans then adapted to conditions which would have included attractiveness for reproduction, so it would appear to be not unusual for Northern Europeans to be attracted to fair skinned fellow Northern Europeans, otherwise blond/e hair colour would not have evolved so successfully.?
Hah, do quit your lecturing: wow, your data are completely out of date. Where is your evidence that modern humans were in Asia hundreds of thousands of years ago? This is a long-dead theory. I am an archaeologist and as far as I?m aware, the oldest known anatomically modern evidence for humans in the Indian Subcontinent comes from Jwalapuram and is dated to 75,000 years ago. Anatomically modern humans (us) haven?t even been around for hundreds of thousands of years. As for your statement that the blue eyed northern Pakistanis that I referred to are probably descended from Alexander the Great, then yes, this is very possible ? and just shows how trying to pigeon hole a whole race as un-fanciable is down right silly since there can be a great range of types within a continent/country/?race?. Also I think you?ll also find that we (modern humans) have all evolved equally successfully (not just those from N Europe) since we?re all the same (homo sapien sapiens). But let?s not get into a definition of success (if in terms of numbers then the Asian subcontinent could be thought of as more successful) if in terms of standard of living then the current northern Europeans may be thought of as more successful.

oh and there is a genetic reason we find differences attractive - look at the Hapsburgs. here comes the science bit

No thank you to Dr Ranj.

Actually, I don't fancy anyone on the planet to day.

That's not racist! I'm not keen on indian/pakistani men either, although I did meet one which was very attractive - an exception to the "rule". Also not attracted to ginger men, despite being a redhead myself. Life isn't fair, but well - I don't see it being judgemental, it's just based on first impressions, and one could easily fall in love with someone who doesn't attract in the looks dpt, given some time! Has happened to me, and I'm sure lots of others :)

Actually, there is a mixture of seeking genetic differences and seeking people somewhat (but not quite) like our relatives.

Incest is prevented mainly by biological barriers created during our growth years.
That is why some reunited siblings, parent-offspring may end up in incestuous relationships.

Don't you think it rather odd to say that you are 'not keen' on Indian/Pakistani men? You are not talking about a physical such as ginger hair or blue eyes, you are talking about a specific nationality! Do you actually mean that you are not keen on the skin colour of these men? And if not, then what?

Missing word was trait

Mating! Yuk

Lweji - my last post was a bit tongue in cheek ;) I agree with people liking similarities too. (My DH's have both looked like me with a beard - so a glimpse into the future for me really ).

And yes for me it does seem to be skin colour and tone (and 'build' being 5"10' i like a big bloke too). I have always gone for very pale ruddy cheeked celts. So olive/dark skin (altho i know i am in a minority when all my friends drool over Asian/Mediterannean, smouldering, sultry, sexy men) doesn't do anything for me - altho i appreciate the aesthetic beauty of it.

You arent racist because you say youre not attracted to pakistani men.If you dont find someone attractive then you dont,you dont have to explain that to anyone.If you know your arent racist,you arent racist.Being racist is a very big and offensive thing to label someone as.

So maybe she shouldn't say ambiguous statements that can very easily be read as racist.

StuntGirl, that's it! On the nose! We don't live in a world where making any kind of generalisation based on race isn't politically loaded. So if people don't want to be 'insulted' and called racist, they shouldn't say things which could be interpreted as such. We're all clever enough to think before we speak, be aware of history and how it shapes the world we live in now.

People shouldnt TELL someone what they are,noone should pluck one thing someone said and then make assumptions about it with no proof of that persons opinions and feelngs.Its very very offensive to label someone in that way,calling someone racist is not a light comment.

LimitedEditionLady, people shouldn't make comments which could offend or be interpreted as racist.

I used to think this when i was younger, and would have been horrified to think it was racist. But it was born out of ignorance on my part. I just hadn't actually really met or seen that many Indian men and I had more stereotypical ways of thinking then. I've since been to India and now recognise the diversity and realise that it isn't true that I don't find some Indian or Pakistani men attractive, because I do.

I also find some East Asian men attractive, and some African. I'm sure I do have a physical 'type' within this which some men fit and some don't.

Also, I've just been for lunch with a mum and baby who is the spitting image of her, except with a bit darker skin and curlier hair, because the dad is black. So I've seen with my own eyes that it's a load of nonsense to say that a mixed race baby will not look like its parents.