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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you leave your baby unattended in their buggy

999 replies

noblegiraffe · 20/08/2013 13:17

...while you use the loo?

On another thread I mentioned not being able to get a buggy into a small cubicle and the suggestion was to leave baby outside.

Would I be overly precious in thinking 'No, I wouldn't do that'?

OP posts:

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 13:32

Gobby you will not find ANYWHERE in this thread that states I abuse disabled toilets, or even that I think mums should use them. The disabled toilet is NOT what the OP asked abut. I agreed with the OP that I could see why she would be concerned about leaving her child unattended. I class unattended as being on the other side of a closed toilet door.

So I imagine you were a new mum who was scared for her child and had every right to feel that way. And so does every other mum have the right to feel that way. And THAT is the argument I am supporting. Very much exclusive to them using disabled toilets...which is a seperate argument.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:34

and the people who are just saying they are "enjoying the argument". when this is our lives.

I am not including you in either category

Emilythornesbff · 22/08/2013 13:34

gobby everything you (and others here) have said about your own experience has made me appreciate (obviously not in the same way as if I had a problem myself) how difficult things can be for a parent whose chid has a disability.
I can fully understand why you feel bitter whenpl have said such awful, unforgivable things to you.

I do feel I've been unfairly judged here. And ridiculed.
But tbh. I am just going to put it down to experience and let it go.

So, not flouncing. Just leaving the thread for the sake of calm.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:35

my last post was to noblegiraffe.

i AM including DropYourSword in the "enjoying the argument" category

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/08/2013 13:35

There are many of us who have been reasonable; explained calmly how difficult our lives our as disabled people, why the toilet is an absolute right and need yet still, we get the same responses. The difficulties experienced as a parent are not in any way comparable to the difficulties experienced as a disabled person. People have eschewed any sensible suggestions e.g. a buggy lock if you live in a high crime area or holding your baby in favour of doing something that makes their lives easier.

Accessible toilets may make life easier for parents to go out but
they make going out possible for disabled people, if you can't see the difference, well when I am flabbergasted.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:39

i must point out i was also being reasonable until today, when people were going on and on and someone accused me of "being happy if her child was snatched and murdered".

Tends to make one annoyed

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 13:44

^No. Therefore all mothers with children should always use disabled toilet meaning it is constantly full.

This is what you are aiming for with your thread about a thread, yes?^

That was your first post on this thread fanjo, causing it to become a disabled toilet issue, when that wasn't what the OP asked. And you have been extremely unreasonable to people. I understand your reason for doing so, but it doesn't make it any less true.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:46

of course it was a disabled toilet issue. It was inspired by the other thread.

Then people came along and all blithely said "i use the disabled"

If I have been unreasonable on this thread then I am happy and proud to be so. I stand by what I said

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 13:52

As do I.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:53

oh i didnt doubt you would

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 13:55

as long as you are aware i was not posting in the biggest bunfight on thread and aren' t just assuming i was as part of some homogenous "SN brigade" then you can judge me just however you like.

Original poster

noblegiraffe · 22/08/2013 14:00

Fanjo, I started this thread fully intending it not to be a disabled toilet thread. That's why I was careful in my OP not to mention them. I was truly interested in whether I was alone in not wanting to shut the door on my baby (this is what I meant by unattended, btw, and many people said no, they would leave the door open, so had the same impression). and go for a wee. Many people agreed that they wouldn't do it either. Good. Some people said they would, which is their choice. Some people mocked those that wouldn't (well, it is AIBU). Some people said they brought baby in with them, some said they left the door open. Fine. All the sorts of things I was hoping from my thread, which wasn't supposed to be a disabled toilet thread.
Some people said they routinely used the disabled toilets. That surprised me, tbh.

Somewhere, not wanting to shut the door on your baby became confused with automatically using the disabled toilet. Not so. But people who didn't want to leave their baby unattended ended up arguing with those who didn't want them using the disabled toilet. Even when they had no intention of using the disabled toilet.

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 14:01

because many people said "i just use the disabled"

And even more kept saying it even after we had described the problems we had.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 14:02

I am not going to stay here all day defending MYSELF because we got annoyed by some entitled behaviour from people.

I really have said all i want to say.

I will leave the thread and I mean that now

DropYourSword · 22/08/2013 14:04

So maybe now they understand the problems you face, they won't anymore. But people can't undo what they have done

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/08/2013 14:05

noble Say what you like but it was a thread about a thread. You didn't ask if people routinely leave their babies outside and shut the door, you asked about using the toilet. It was obvious you mean public toilets, so discussing other options was the only nature course of the thread.

FWIW, I would feel uncomfortable leaving a baby outside a cubicle even with the door open but hey, that's what arms are for!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 22/08/2013 14:10

"So maybe now they understand the problems you face, they won't anymore"

Well good..

Its the ones who STILL bang on that they will that I have problem with (like Emily).

Bye. and I mean it

Spikeytree · 22/08/2013 14:40

Of course people are going to get het up, this is the life that people lead everyday. Being shat on from a great height for having a disability. Being ignored or spoken to like you are stupid, told that you are entitled for having a wheelchair or crutches, told that you are a lazy benefits scrounger, told that you don't matter half as much as an able-bodied person. Told that you should be dead because you are a costly inconvenience.

What seems like a relatively minor matter to many able-bodied people, going to the toilet, becomes just another thing that is taken away from you because you have a disability. It could be any one person on this thread starting out on this journey tomorrow, so perhaps people could try having some compassion for those they so casually write off as 'other' than them.

Alternatively they could just, on approaching the toilet facilities, think 'Do I have a disability that means I require this facility?' and if not just walk on to the ordinary toilets. Is that really too much to ask?

Lavidaenrosa · 22/08/2013 15:05

I don't know where you all are, but I haven't seen any disabled toilet saying 'disabled only' on the door. All the ones I have used with my baby had a pushchair sign and/or a baby change sign. I am in London.

MrsDeVere · 22/08/2013 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Libertine73 · 22/08/2013 15:45

dropthesword you tried but seems there will be no peace and love in the disabled/baby changing thread today :(

Libertine73 · 22/08/2013 15:46

FWIW I would buy your tee-pee!

jumpingpillows · 22/08/2013 16:06

Omg 900 posts on this

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/08/2013 16:19

It will be a cold day in hell when disability activists just roll over and let everyone do what they like with the facilities that disabled people fought hard for.

pumpkinsweetie · 22/08/2013 16:25

Oh my it just gets longer....

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